Three Sided Coin!

Just as every coin ever minted has two sides to it, so too does every tale ever told by man. Have you ever thought about the classic children's tales like The Three Little Pigs or Little Red Riding Hood from the wolf's point of view? Did anyone ever think to ask Helen of Troy her opinion of the war that waged through her homeland of Greece? For Charles Manson was it all really just a terrible misunderstanding that got out of hand?

I am not saying that all villians are actually benevolent nor am I saying all people who represent themselves as heroes or victims in a disagreement can't be counted as such. Truthfully, under careful examination, one can often find that things are not always as they seem, but this is not in every case. We often only choose to listen to one side of a particular story, or we hear bits and pieces of both sides, assume them to be one and the same, and make our opinions based on ill-gained and incomplete information. Was it truly the fault of the singing sirens accused of sinking all those ships? Did the serpent in the Garden of Eden really tempt Eve and was he to blame, or was he the first entity ever framed for a crime not committed? These are questions which will forever go unanswered, for no one sought to ask the appropriate questions before assuming the worst.

Was Captain Ahab truly justified in hunting down the great Moby ****? Of course not; that is evident in the story. Yet we never hear the whale's side of things. There he was, minding his own business, swimming in the ocean not a care in the world, and this crazy madman in a boat comes along and chases the poor oversized sea mammal all over creation. Where's the justice? Where's the common decency?

In present day, a judge presiding over a court of law is honor bound and sworn to listen to both the plantiff and defendant of any given disagreement brought before him. It is in this way that an objective tale can be told, and a fair and impartial decision can be rendered, after all facts have been reviewed. Whenever a judge fails in this endeavor, he dishonors his position, and weakens the very fabric of  not only the justice system but potentially society itself.

So when next one notices one's own deep-seated opinions, remember the Big Bad Wolf and question whether it is truly fair to name him thus, without first sitting and having a drink with him, with a gun nearby of course. You can never be too careful.

It's true. This is one of the things I've learned  in life. Be it in politics, friendships, or anything else, there are almost always  two or more sides to every story; it all depends on a person's perspective.

Name any political  or social movement, philosophy, or ideology and if you honestly look, you'll find both good defences of and attacks upon it. Chances are, you can find one of each that you are not nearly smart enough to refute. Take any political issue and listen to two intelligent, respectful people (no, pundits on TV don't count) discuss it (without getting mad and petty) and it's tough to decide which one is right. Each will have good points, and they're probably both have statistics backing them up.

Over the past month I have watched persons crucify others through posts, stories, blogs and PM conversations sent from a 'friend'. It hasn't been pretty, nor has it been nice, and it was completely unnecessary. After reading the stories posted here in recent weeks, which at best could lead people to form opinions based on the hearsay and rumors of others, one side of me is led to post similar stories but what would I accomplish other than to contribute to more hurt feelings and more drama than EP needs I won't simply because posts like that only hurt the people involved of and place another shovel of dirt on top of Experience Project.  Simply put these posts simply are not productive. Many people have said take the high road, sometimes when you do that you don't get to throw that last dig in or say that nasty stuff but in the long run I think it is the only way to go. I refuse to fall to that level and invite all others to join me on the ladder to climb back up to a level of integrity again.

I do not judge my friends nor will I divulge information told to me inconfidence. I mean, if I did what kind of friend would I be? Sure would it be easy to do this at this point...hell yeah. But I think more of them and myself than to have some EP free for all. In the end its gets us right back to where we are at, so what is the point? Is it to post things that obviously will hurt the others, is it to dig the knife in a little deeper? I don't know only these persons can answer that one. I am not privy to what is inside their heads.

Recent events of a month+ now have been publicized one way or another on EP. It started with the post I originally put on on June 13th. It was in hindsight a mistake by making it all public, but it was a decision based on emotion only because that was where my head was along with my heart. For those of you that saw it, you know the story.  Maybe I shouldn't have posted that story but I have made my apologies for that.

Two people I thought loved and cared for me went behind my back and started something, and yes I know who went to whom, I've sent the emails, the msn chat transcripts, etc and I am not interested in all the details but to suffice it to say neither of them apparently cared enough about me to stop it. It continued and 'ultimatums' were given. These people, who I loved and cared very much for, talked about me behind my back, lied to my face and continued to do with no thought or regard to my feelings until she sent me her 'confessional' email telling me what was going on. This was a person that I cared for,we were friends, exchanged packages/notes/cards and someone I trusted very much. We had a similar situation in our lives regarding the death of a parent that drew us together, in fact we used to say that our parents were looking down on us and had a hand in us becoming friends. she was someone I loved very much and was a big part of my life, my kids knew about her, we laughed and giggled on the phone, and there is one word even today I burst out with laughter if I see it ( ASIA). My children ask about what happened, especially my daughter but she wouldnt understand, hell sometimes I don't understand. I simply say, we are no longer friends. She asks about that, hence my blog on friendsip and what that means.XX knew how I felt about him and yes I did confide in her about things, maybe that was the mistake but isnt that what girlfriends do? I dont even know what to think about that one anymore.

Then there is the other person involved. He was someone I loved and cared for very much for over 2 years. I trusted him, cared for him, supported him in whatever ways he needed and what I received in return was lies, dishonesty and betrayal. He confided things about me to her and from what I understand she joined right in with the bashing. From all the things I have received in my inbox here I can only guess this is true because for some reason it continues, although I am not sure as to why. I ask myself what did I do to deserve this from either one of them? Trust too much, confide in too much....that will be one of those questions that may be answered in time.

Yes he went to her, yes she responded, and yes it was the ultimate in humilation/betrayal. To give of yourself and your heart in any relationship is a risk. One you hope will turn out for the best but sometimes it does not. I am not with this person in the way we were however I will say here that they both have apologized. He asked for forgiveness, said he f*cked up etc however that is something I am working on for myself. People make mistakes and I realize that however in both cases trust was broken and lives were affected, friendships were lost and everyone has had an opinion.

I used to think my mother was the weak one, she was always forgiving people, she never judged anyone, just accepted people for what they were even if that came at a cost to her. I told her one time she was a door mat for taking so much crap from people. But in hindsight she was the strong one, it takes a lot for someone to forgive another person who has wronged them or in this case betrayed them in many ways. I have spent a lot of reflective time over the last few weeks trying to be at peace with this in some way only to be slammed in the face with it again and again. I did not ask for nor do I want it. I don't need to defend myself, I have done nothing wrong.  However I am punished along with others for something that I had no control over.

I have tried to move on from this and in many ways succeeded until the mud slinging begins again. For all the people who read this my mom (who I refer to alot) used to tell me when I was younger be careful what you say to people because you can never take hurtful words away once you have said them. You can apologize a million times but those stinging words will always be in the back of your mind. So I urge all of you to remmeber that. I could have gotten on here and blasted everyone in this story but I chose not to, I dont like to make fun of other people nor hurt people intentionally especially in a public forum.  If I need to discuss something with someone I prefer to handle it as a private matter.

I don't care about knowing any more details, hearing anymore mud slinging, in fact I hope this is the last thing ever written about this subject. I wish I could say I didn't hurt anymore or that it didnt affect me but it does, it always will but I will go on, I will survive this and I will be more guarded in my friendships/relationships because of this.

For the people that are my friends and know me, I appreciate your uncondional love & support throughout all of it.  There was something that she said to me that is true... I did deserve better!
snowbunny1002 snowbunny1002
46-50, F
33 Responses Jul 20, 2010

You are a strong woman. I truly believe one of the best lessons as parents that we can teach our children is perspective. Anyone can look at the situation and pass judgement. It takes a special person to look at both sides of anything and evaluate the situation through everyone's point.

Thanks so much NeopolitanSkye.. it's a lesson well learned for sure. I have never tried to judge anyone's individual situation. part of being a friend is being able to accept and support your friends even when you may not agree with all their choices. Thanks so much for your comment and I love your profile name :)

No it sure isn't... I'm in great company :)

I think so Snowy. Not a bad thing :)

Thanks so much Brut :)

Very well written, and very true.

Yes we do!! Does that make me the female version of you

Of course I know you well. We share the same mirror :)

Bassy- You know me well :). Yes I would appreciate you coming directly to me. I posted this story for several different reasons but mainly because I wanted people who asked to actually know my feelings and not assume things. <br />
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I have been guilty of assuming things in the past myself and for that I am deeply sorry. There are always at least two sides to the story, in this case there were three. Writing this allowed me to be able to to express the hurt and pain I feel as well as to be at peace (as much as I can be) with what happened. It wasn't easy, it wasn't fun but it is all 100% fact and expresses a lot of my true feelings,

People almost always only bother to get one side of a story Snowy. I've been a victim of it myself because I don't freely display my personal life here. I had quite a few people make assumptions that were incorrect and frankly they hurt. Because I do put who I am so freely out here I felt those people should know my character better even without details. It saddened me that they didn't.<br />
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Here's the thing. A true friend isn't the one that immediately comes to your rescue and tells you the other party is wrong/ an ******* etc. A true friend looks at both sides and tells you how they feel about it.<br />
If I thought you were ever wrong about something Snowy, I would tell you. I wouldn't bash you for your beliefs, but I would share my opinion. I feel you more so than many others would value that.

sweetnshort- Thanks for your kinds words. I said what I needed to say and I hope in some ways it helped.:)

Thank You for Writing this Post ,every word is from your Heart. You are such a Amazing Person always thinking of others. God Bless You SnowBunny

Kry- I love the way you think... my post speaks the truth because it is based on pure fact and a lot of emotion :) <br />
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Thanks so much for your kind words ! Hugs

Thanks so much Angel ! I am blessed to have you as a friend as well. You are an amazing woman and I am proud of you :)...always have been! <br />
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This story wasn't easy to write but had to be said anyway. It is my side of things, my side is as important as the other's, I hope all who read it learn from it, I am still learning :)<br />
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Hugs xoxoxo

Yes SS you do!! :P

Bluebie- Thanks that means alot...too much energy wasted on anger ya know? :) XOXXO

It is the things we do today that carry into tomorrow. I'm sure your Mom is proud of you. Hugs.

Scotty- ok ok- LOL !!

foreverheart- thanks so much, I appreciate that a lot! Yea forgetting won't happen soon but for the most part I am at peace. I have good and bad days but as I move on each day gets better. I guess the hardest part for me was trusting them both and getting ripped apart in the process. <br />
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Bluebie- Thanks GF! Your words of comfort and support mean a lot. Don't get me wrong in the past I have certainly not always taken the high road but in this case it was the best choice all around for me. XOXXO

Snowy, I admire you so much and you have once again touched me in a profound way with your insight and compassion. You are right, it is hard to forgive, especially when people have wronged you and hurt you so badly. I am still working on that one myself at times. You are an amazing person and I am not surprised at all you are taking the high road. Honey, you ARE the high road. :) Love you dearly my friend. Hugs.

Forgetting would be much harder in my opinion. It seems that you have learned something from this unfortunate incident. I have always enjoyed your posts but have never told you that you touch me with your words because no matter what you write it is filled with compassion for others. I hope you are able to heal quickly.

Thanks for your nice comments sensuallintelligence! <br />
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Forgiving is hard to do ...forgetting not so sure I am at that point yet- lol. But I am working on it

I don't know the story behind this post but it is a positive contribution. Forgiving is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and you are a far better person if you are able to do it.

zall1rog- my pleasure :). I try not to judge others in any situation, until you have walked in their shoes you cannot possibly know all the facts. I do believe better days are ahead for me and I hope for them as well. A lot was lost during this mess!

CuriousSGT- thanks so much :)

PTMAN- thanks so much!! <br />
That means a lot coming from you :). Trust me this was probably one of the harder things I have EVER written. It wasn't easy but every day it gets better :) Thanks so much for your kind words!

snowbunny, it might not mean much but i do have to say after reading your post.<br />
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you are one hell of a human being and a hell of woman. wow<br />
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you just compltely brought me to my knees with your story. i'm in awe of your character and how you represented yourself with this people. <br />
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Thank you so much.

WIB- Thanks so much :) . I used to look at her qualities as somewhat of a door mat, she never stuck up for herself... now as I am getting older I realize she was so wise in all of her teachings. I hope one day I can be the woman that she was :)

Dorothy- thanks so much for your kind words of support. I too, hope all involved learn something from all of this and the mud slinging stops. It truly isn't worth it anymore. I am so grateful for the love and support I have received here and in real life from friends. If it weren't for them I would not have been able to seek the peace I have. <br />
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Iza- hugs to you too! And words cannot say enough about what you have done for me, You have been an inspiration and I am proud to call you my friend!

Forgiveness is not for the weak snowbunny, I agree with your assessment of your mother's character and would aspire to be like her.

I am not surprised by the way you are handling this - from what I have seen, you handle so much in life with character and dignity! I think there is a lesson to be learned here and I hope all will read it and maybe learn something new or change how they may deal with something or someone in the future. I didn't know about what was going on - and I am glad I didn't, but I am sorry that anyone had to endure any more hurt. I am so glad to call you friend!

Thanks Meg! <br />
I more than determined to make sure that happens. There are never any guarantees, I realize that. I gave a lot of myself , was everything perfect no it wasn't however that didn't warrant what was done by the two involved. Every day I get up I realize its a little better than the day before. Fortunately I was peaceful at one point until one of the other stories was posted that just started the mud slinging (again). I really don't care for all the details at this point, in fact I have seen most if not all of it. But it is time for me to be at peace and move forward. Forgiveness is not for the weak....

I hope that in the end peace comes over you and you are still true to yourself at the end of the day :-)

Scotty- LOL got it !! <br />
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Angel- Thanks! It took alot to write this and I hope all who read it know that :). I am staying true to me this time. I will not stoop to the level of hurting another person...I know all to well how that feels :) XOXXO