I Really Should

It is something I am not really aware of, but I still do. I know only because it seems to bother other people sometimes. It is probably something that is embedded in my mind.

I do not think of myself as a good person. I see myself as an interesting project with many flaws and regrets, that needs improvement. However, sometimes it seems as if it's never enough.

People have told me I need to start believing in myself. Appreciating myself. And I do, really. I am capable of many things, I know that. I just have trouble finding out how to proceed. I feel the need to improve this world, or at least the life of one person. I want to mean the world to someone. Be a change, a great influence. Every time I fail to do so, I feel like a failure myself.

When something of value breaks, my automatic response is to say "blame it on me". Even when there is no logical reason to blame it on me, I search for reasons to do so anyway. It is negative, annoying, and interesting. It is strange. I wonder where it comes from.

JojaRodenaLente JojaRodenaLente
18-21, F
Feb 19, 2009