Need to Or Need to

conversation with me:

me: "I need to study more."

me: "WTF?? You need to study MORE?? That's all you ever ******* do is study!"

me: "huh...that's strange. How can I need more of something that I have way too much of already?"

me: *raises hand* "I'll answer that question for's your paralyzing fear of what happens if you don't work hard enough."

me: "paralyzing fear? It's not ME who is so afraid, it is everyone else! Why the **** am I never good enough, why the **** does everyone want me to be a their perfect friend, relative, student, potential employee? I don't enjoy competition, and I'm not even particularly good at it...probably because I have morals. I'm not perfect, yet I have to work my *** off to try to be other people's idea of it."

me: "like I said, paralyzing fear."

me: "oh, I know...I care too much about what other people think of me.  But really, it's not like I have the luxury or freedom not to."

me: "why do you say that?"

me: "Just look around. who is going to hire you? You live with your ******* grandparents. You're never going to amount to anything. You'd be lucky even just to ever move out. It doesn't matter what you think of yourself, no one else is going to think very much of you unless you have something to back that up. No one is going to give you the benefit of the doubt."

me: "Well that's a pretty pessimistic view of things."

me: "just the truth."

me: "ok, I guess I need to study more."
shannonymous shannonymous
18-21, F
4 Responses Sep 11, 2012

Oh, stop worrying so much... opportunities come along eventually. And heck, I'm in the same boat (there are hundreds of thousands of us!), so at least you're not alone!

true :) thanks

Same story here. Since school has started for me I've been studying non-stop. Several people have told me that it's not good for me, but I just won't listen to them. I just don't want to be in a situation in the future where if I fail completely that I'll find myself wondering if I had tried harder if it could have been different. Aside from that I can't even enjoy doing anything right now. It just seems like a waste of time.

yep :/

I would hire you in a heart beat. Even if you know nothing about what i do, i know you would have the desire to learn thats missing from so many people.

thanks :)

I would hire you too

:l things to feed your soul...let your hair down and make time for fun...believe in yourself and remember you only get this life...enjoy the ride and see where it takes you...plan for the future but remember to live for today...most of all all works out.......oh and yes you may have to knock on a hundred doors but someone will take a chance on you and give you the benefit of the doubt...hell I am a felon and they did me *frank look* buck up kid

it seems employers like people with "real life experience"...oh and job experience too. And since I cant get that, well...idk, I want to have something to make up for it. I don't want to fail in something that is not even good enough in the first place...then i'd realllly feel ******. I want to do what I can...and if that isnt good enough, then at least I dont have the option of looking back with regret that I didnt try hard enough with what I knew at the time and the options at hand. I think I can live with that.

yes...but everyone once started with no life experience or job experience...passion and a desire to succeed are good...oh and shannon? if you dont take time to live you will never have real life experience hon *soft smile*

i DONT have time for 'real life experience' anyways...even without working hard...which then I would just have no life experience AND be a failure at school too (and there's no doubt I would fail if i didnt work hard). Everyone also once started in a different world than exists today.