Purposeless.

I am going insane. I'm doing it to myself. I recently returned home after being across the world for over two years. Living on my own, dealing with challenges over there, having good days and bad days over there. Having many moments where I had super highs and then super lows. I was constantly calling my parents and releasing on them. Especially my mother. I hate to do this to her and dont want to talk to her anymore because it's just not fair for her. Anyways I am back home now living with my parents. I am a university graduate, I have no job, no ambitions, I am so confused as to what I want to do with my life. I don't even know where to start looking to find interests. My mind turns in circles ever day to the point where it just a constant extreme low. I can't talk to my friends, I can't talk to anyone. I just don't feel like anyone can really help me. I have always been a listener to my friends and now that I need to talk I just don't know how to express what I am feeling. So I just can't talk to my friends. Anyways, I don't even really want them to see how I am. I am in a funk and I just want to get out of it and move on with my life. I am trapped in my own mind. It's stupid. I am healthy and capable of picking myself up but I'm not doing it. I am feeling sorry for myself when I am healthy. It's stupid really stupid. Why can't I just be happy. I try to distract myself with comedy shows, books, television, running, having daily goals. I'm just becoming more of a burden on my parents and I can't do that anymore to them.

I don't know how to stop my thoughts from making me insane. I have pretty much been like this my whole life. Extreme ups and then long extreme downs. I don't have any passions, just the goal make myself happy for at least a week.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 9, 2013