Lonliness, Feel Like I'm Losing Myself,see No Point In Life

So lately, for like maybe 2-3 months i've been feeling like crap , almost everyday. I cry all day, i don't feel like going out or doing anything at all, there are days when i feel quite okay, i'm so full of energy and i try doing things that i like, but there are just less and less of those days now. I feel like i dont have friends , like i'm alone, because i dont have any friends to talk to , just the ones that i fool around , and joke all the time. I dont have friends who ever see me cry, they all know me as this super happy person , who smiles and jokes all the time, but noone can see that it's all fake. I'm just so used to faking that i don't even know how it feels like not to fake. I have noone that will just offer me a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Everyday i just dont see the point in life, i feel so useless and like a just waste everything and everyones time, lately i've started smoking from time to time, because it just calms me down, i started popping some pills that we have at home, to feel relaxed. I have no idea what to do , or where to get help. I feel like i'm losing my mind just writing this, i want to scream so badly and cry my eyes out, i feel so lost and lonely.. please just tell me what to do.
Katherinne Katherinne
18-21
Nov 26, 2012