I Was Abused So Badly As a Child.

I would like to tell anyone who is reading this what happened to me as a small child. I have never told ANYONE this before and wasn't even going to share it, but i felt that i finally should. In a previous story i said how my father would get drunk and slap me around alot when my mom went out of town on business trips... well he was doing things to me long before he pushed me down the stairs...

When i was four or five i remember always being terrified of my father when my mom went away. He would hit me and kick me. I never told my mom what he did to me because he said that she would get mad at me and be disappointed in me. I was a child i was afraid.

One of the times my mom I was watching TV and he came into the living room and grabbed me by the throat and through me to the floor. He kicked me in the head, chest and stomach then he sat on me and wrapped his belt around my throat he pulled it tighter and tighter until i stopped screaming and i passed out. He must have through me into the walk in closet because that is where i woke up.  He kept me there for what seemed like days. I remember this so well. Because he kicked me so hard he broke four of my ribs and gave me a concussion. I was left in the closet with those injuries for a day and a half before he took be out and took me to the doctor.

Another time that really stands out that i would live to get off my chest and tell someone wold be the time that he kicked me in the privates over and over again. When i managed to get away he grabbed me and tied up my hands and feet so i couldn't get away again. I remember vividly the blood streaming down my legs. He then pulled off my pants and shoved batteries up my Annis. He then put me back in the closet with them still in there and my hands tied up. That time he kept me there for 3 days. That time he fed me. But he fed me high fiber foods. You may be able to see the problem with that. eventually he took me out and took me to a differnt doctor. The doctor said that i had a shattered pelvis that time.

I seem happy among my friends and stuff but im a good actor. these memories haunt me and i can never feel safe from them. I am thinking that i should tell my mom but what can she do? what can anyone do?

Collin05 Collin05
18-21, M
14 Responses May 30, 2009

Collin. I'm so sorry for you. I wish I could hug you and remove those horrible memories. There is something valuable and amazing to be learned from this. Its what not to do. Even though it will haunt you, you will never be able to do any of these terrible things to ur children. You will be better. And more protective and loving. I know this from personal experience. You will be the way a parent is supposed to be. I really hope you have someone in your life that can be a support pillar to help you through these horrible memories. I hope there is someone there who is loving you the way you were and still are supposed to be loved. My thoughts are with you.

Your story makes me so sad. I am so sorry that the adults failed to protect you and nuture you. Every human being is special and deserves to be valued and loved. Sometimes people who have children carry around alot of baggage and just because someone is capable of fathering a child, does not mean that they should. <br />
Tell someone at your school. Go to the principal, the counselor and tell them to call your Mom in. You need to confide in people who can keep you safe and you need a fresh start. Don't carry this festering wound around inside of you because ignoring it will not make it go away. (trust me, I tried that)<br />
<br />
Being a good actor is only useful if you are getting paid for it. The only one you will hurt is yourself if you try to present a happy face to the world while you quietly die inside. He will be allowed to abuse you long after the injuries have healed because you will relive it in your own head for as many years as you try to hide it. Take care, hon. Give your Mom the chance to make this right. With Love, Lori

Kill your father.

Slowly and painfully

Im very sorry you had to go through that, especially the Batteries and being tied up and thrown into a wardrobe. ... That is torture. <br />
however, the beating up, well, i have gone through similar. <br />
But the batteries. wow.

I was abused as a kid too, it was torture I had to be numb just to make it through the day. My mother new I was being abused she would walk away shut the door and turn up the t.v any time i try to bring it up now she is just defensive about it and says things like what could i have done? I almost feel that if it was that bad your mother realized it was happening and telling her may ether set you free or open wounds you didn't know you had.

Abuse sucks. I ran from mine for a while with drugs, alcohol, money, and women. Then all at once that **** stopped working. I started facing it when I was twenty four. I'm thirty two now and still sorting through the emotions that numbed out when I was a kid. I cant say that it's easy but it can be healed. I want to heal it though. I know if I don't it will start coming out sideways at the people I love.

sad story you must visit a doctor Psychiatrist

Tell ur mother i was child abused really badly u can read my story not as badly as u but tell u mother because i didnt tell anyone but someone noticed and it felt like such a weight of my shoulders plus they fostered with some other family i much happier now:) keep fighting:)

My stepdad was a drunk and he used to hit my mom over and over again. My mom kept going back to work things out. Untill I was 14 I called the cops and they took him away. Sometimes you need to say something to make a change.

Did you lose your legs because of your dad?

i started crying when i read this.. im soo sorry about your past. <br />
i know you cant let go and change what happened, but the future is all yours. <br />
you didnt deserve this abuse, nobody does.<br />
if you need to talk. im here<br />

but the future is all yours. so true

i started crying when i read this.. im soo sorry about your past. <br />
i know you cant let go and change what happened, but the future is all yours. <br />
you didnt deserve this abuse, nobody does.<br />
if you need to talk. im here<br />

That is sad and I am so sorry that you had to endure that kind of torture. But you need to tell your mother! I was physically and sexual abused as a child, I was not able to even being healing until I told my mother, and went to therpy. You have to tell her so that you can heal completly, hiding it, or not confronting those feelings is not as if you are being abused all over again. You have to tell her so you can forgive her, you may notice it on the surface, but deep down you blame her for not protecting you. opening that libe of communication with her is so healing.

I am so sorry this happened to you but am afraid that if you tell your Mom your going to be feeling worse. <br />
A lot of spouses of abusers already KNOW what their spouse did to their children. Even my Mother knew and saw what my father did and didnt help me for fear that she was next.<br />
Our relationship will always be strained by that because I wanted to ask her what she was thinking when she saw the abuse and why she didn't stop it and I was angry that she seemed to allow my father to keep abusing me but each time I went to ask her, I would get too upset.<br />
Since my father died in January her and I have been talking and she said she was not a good mother to me and she apologized. That was all I needed to hear but then she explained that she was scared if she intervened in my fathers rages she would get the blunt of it.<br />
I can now understand her reasoning but I cannot forget what happened but forgiveness goes a long way in healing.<br />
May you find that peace.