Not A Sob Not A Tear

I'm 14 (technically) the truth is, I am an alternate personality of a girl..with an awful past. There are 13 of us. I'm the most recent.
My name is Siren...and I have to tell somebody about my share of Big Sister's memories.

Scince the beginning, few of us have cared for "Love" Destiny was the first, Syn was next. Syn is my blood sister, and she loathes males. Because of our past.

I'm the one who remembers it, I'm the one who's telling you now.

I remember being in a room, alone, or I though I was. I thought things were going fine. The room was green and dark, no lights were on, but there was still light from the moon...maybe. It looked like our grandparents home, but everything was backwards, on the wrong side of the room. I didn't expect anything like what happened...I turned around, and I felt hands grab me, covering my mouth. I struggled, pushing my arms into his chest, closing my eyes. Confusion tore down my walls, and I lost my strength. His hand left my mouth and I gasped for breath, but immediatly he pushed my towards the wall. I felt it hit my back, the pain of it shot through my body and I convulsed. The man smiled through his grizzly beard, I opened my eyes and saw his, a cold yearning, laughing icy blue. Brown hair and a faded red ball cap. His fingers laced around my arms and held a tight grip as he pecked my cheek with his lips, my eyes welled.

This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening!

It was.

His lips pressed against mine, holding my jagged breath in. his grip tightened, clawing against my flesh. a tear slithered down my cheek and he chuckled, bringing his left hand down, unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down. He advanced, seizing me up against the wall, pushing me further down on the wall. I gasped as he finally broke the kiss, I drew in a breath and shuddered. His right hand pulled my arms above my head as his left drew up my tank top.

"What a sweet little girl..." he chuckled. His teeth bit my lip and moved down to my neck, and he sucked on my skin. I was in a cold sweat, wheezing through tears. I pushed at him with my right arm, but his hand pulled down my panties and dugg his fingers inside of me. I cunvulsed in pain, and he let go of me letting me fall to the floor. Tears streaked my face. I didn't have time to think, he grabbed my hair and bashed my head into the wall, I flung face forward into the drywall, and he pushed me into the wall, ontop of me.

Stop...Stop...STOP!

I couldn't breathe, speak...He pulled my panties down to my knees, I cried, my face crammed into the wall, and he jerked himself, his breath sent shudders through my body. I pulled my hands between me and the wall and pushed away, almost imediatly, the man grabbed my waist, crushing my ribs, he pushed me ontp the bed, and he settled himself ontop of me.

God, Lord...please, save me....save me, anyone...

He held my arms down with one hand, and with the other, he pulled and picked at my tanktop until it eventually came off. I tried to scream, but my voice stopped..only a choking sob escaped. He laughed.

"Hush little baby, you know you like it." I tried to shriek, again...nothing. he bent down and licked my chest and breasts, I felt my heart thudding in my chest. He moved closer and sat on my waist, my last intake of breath was thrust out by his weight. He let go of my arms and I meekly threw them against his chest, he simply laughed, and slapped me across the face. Stung by the shock, I dropped my arms, and lay limp. He grabbed my breasts and vaguely I saw the joy in his eyes....no..no,no,no,no!!! I grimaced, this Hell! The man pulled off his pants and glanced at me with a sly sheepish grin.

GOD HELP ME.

I couldn't move, think, I felt utterly dead, fading between conciousness, I saw him advance, he spread my legs. I shifted, trying to avoid him as much as possible, no use. He punched me in the gut, I heaved and he took the advantage over me, pushing me back down and settling well ontop of me. I shuddered at his breath. I felt him situate himself eagerly, I twitched, shuddered...eventually I lay limp.

I was numb with terror, dispair, humiliation. He laughed and continued, nothing in my mind was working anymore, I was dead to the world. I could stare, at his..no, past his face, to the ceiling, as he pushed and pushed crushed and crushed....I felt shattered...occasionally I cunvulsed in pain and agony...but all in all.

I stopped caring, I was dead, fallen, shattered...

I used to be a sparkling angel...with bright eyes and beautiful white wings.
Now I'm fallen, my eyes dead with dispair, and my wings bandaged and black with soot from the depths of Hell.


~Siren
ThoseInterpreted ThoseInterpreted
13-15, F
1 Response May 11, 2012

Hello Siren,<br />
Thank you for what you wrote, it was a very brave thing to do.<br />
I am so sorry for what you had to go through but also want to say how brave you are to of taken that on yourself. To tell you a little aboout me I am a lady of 56 and have a very good friend who has many others inside of her aswell of all ages.<br />
I am a friend to all of them and know all their names and ages and what triggers them and help them as much as I can.<br />
I would like to be here for you and any of the others who have any questions or just need to talk. I promise you I am safe and I live along way away in Afric.

...you're a good person, i don't really front often, i'm a protector and honestly, fronting makes me think about the past. but you are a good person, who is understanding and who won't act like things are a joke. that is far away, africa? i used to live all the way up in the skies but..haha, you know how that turned out.
~Siren