Same Old Story

There was a group of us who grew up together and life was perfect! I absolutely adored these people! I don't think it was normal to be as close as we were. Within this group was my very best friend, let's call her Ashley, whom I loved and cherished. I told her everything and trusted her with my life.And there was this guy, let's call him Todd, who became a really great friend of mine and of course I began to like him, alot. I met him when we were 13. He started dating one of my friends...we were about 15 now. She cheated on him when we were 17, and I was there for him. It was then when we first dated, but it was short... and he went back to her. When they split up for good, he and I went to college together and I kept my mouth shut about the way I still felt about him. I hate that I'm so shy! And I always second guess myself, even around my best friends. We flirted and became extremely close that first year, but eventually he found another girl. I was miserably in love with him. My best freind, Ashley, helped me through and was always there for me. She was dating another one of our friends, who was Todd's best friend. Finally, After about a year, he began to show interest in me again. After a year of off and on nonsense, we offically strted dating. It lasted for 4 months...then he told me he was joining the military. I was devastated. He said that he wanted to take a break- that it would make things less painful when he left. He ended up not leaving for awhile, though...and three months later, I found out that he and Ashley had been dating behind my back. Keep in mind, I lived with her, and I worked and basically lived with him. I've loved and trusted these people for the better part of my life. Not only that, but Ashley and her boyfriend, Todd's best friend and recently ended a 4 year relationship... I really didn't know what to do. These people were my life, and so I told them that I would only be okay with it if they proved to me that they really loved eachother. So they continued dating. I had to distance myself from them. It made me sick anytime I saw them together. I hated her, but I didn't know how to live without her. So I pretended to be okay with it. A year later, after he had been gone in the military, they decided to get married. I was her maid of honor. It took all that I had not to break down during the ceremony.
I've only been on a couple dates with a few other guys. I've never gotten over him, but it seemed so easy for him to move on. I don't want him anymore..but I'm not over the entire mess. My best friend broke my heart, but I let her because I didn't want to lose her. I just don't know how to move past this. They're still very much a part of my life, and to them, everything is perfect.

Jul 20, 2010