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Frustrated With My Life...

I love my dad very much... I love both of my parents. I respect my mother so much more though. My parents are divorced. They separated when I was 9 and it was very hard on me. I am now a 24 year old female living in a two bedroom apartment with my father and I have no job. Needless to say, I rely on him for a lot. But I have a feeling that wouldn't be the case had he not been so selfish through my parents divorce and the years that followed. My mother made a lot more money than my dad. Therefore, when they divorced she had to pay him child support and spousal support. In order to do so she had to take money out of the savings she had set up for me and my sister. She even told my father this. She told him that she was taking this money to pay him and she hoped he would save it for us as she had or to waive the child support and she would keep the money saved... but my father said no. That he needed the money. In the beginning my dad and my sister and I lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment when we stayed with him. Visitation was 50/50. When we stayed with my dad my sister and him slept in his bed while I slept on the couch. Now if I was him... I would put my daughters in the bed and I would sleep on the couch. I guess he didn't feel like he should do that. He has always felt like he was entitled to so much more than he really was. When my mother complained about our sleeping arrangements to a judge a few years later he FINALLY moved into a two bedroom apartment so my sister and I could have our own room. Well when my sister graduated high school, my dad bought her a car and she moved 8 hours away. I thought ok.... my dad did save the money.. I mean... he bought my sister a car! My sister was never too bright so she didn't get into college following high school. On the other hand , I was accepted to many different colleges. I was so excited. Unfortunately college is expensive. So I filled for financial aid. I was not accepted because of the amount of money my mom and dad made. My mom could not help because she remarried and had another child so she was already spending a lot. So I talked to my dad about the money he had saved for me and my sister to go to college. To my surprise... there was no money saved for me. I know my dad helped my sister after she graduated high school. She was two years ahead of me. He gave her the car... he helped pay for her rent when she first moved. He even paid for her to go to the community college where she moved to. And it wasn't cheap. All I got when I graduated college was a used guitar... and I had stopped playing for a year. So he spent all that money my mother had given him on my sister and himself. I learned that my mom gave him a total of a quarter of a million dollars during the course of her payments to him!! And he didn't save any of it for me to go to college. He had a girlfriend who lived long distance and he gave her a lot of the money. He helped her buy a house. He flew himself to see her. He flew her to see him. They went on trips together. And now I'm 24 years old. I still live with him because I was only able to afford for myself to go to college for 2 years before I ran out of the money I made while I worked and went to school. I had to quit my job because the work load was too much and I was constantly getting migraines. My mother is sad about what happened. I should have already graduated years ago. I could have a job and be living in my own place. Now when I ask him for $20 to go buy myself food (he only buys food he enjoys) I get yelled at. Needless to say, I am depressed. I wish life was different. I wish he had favored me the way he favored my sister. I would at least have a car I could have sold. The car he bought my sister was $20,000... my guitar was $650. I got A's and B's in high school and in college was almost getting straight A's... and my sister barely got C's in high school. I don't know what I did to deserve this. But I guess I'm just not loved like my sister was. It feels really good to get all of this out. I know there is a lot more that happened but this is already incredibly long. I don't need to add it all. Thanks for reading if you did end up reading all of this. I know it is long... but I had to let it out somewhere...
Chy24 Chy24 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 6, 2012

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I truly hope things are better and your doing ok :) Endles families have gone through the same and needless to say you are a perfect example of children being on the LOSING END !! fortunately you are young, strong, intelligent, dedicated, commmited and destined for a bright future and a successfu life ahead of you. Just when we think life has given us the WORST OF OUR DAYS...................sooner than later life takes POSITIVE TURNS. I wish you all the best luck and perseverance. The fact that you admit here and share your experience with us is VERY MEANINGFUL AND IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION IN YOUR PART :)



Should you need someone to talk, vent and/or simply have some coffee for advice i love to do so :)



Cheers,

First off, I am so sorry about everything. You do not deserve any of that at all, and I really wish that never happened/isn't happening to you. Second, Ligg is right. Don't envy your sister. You definitely sound like you have much more to live for, and I truly hope that you can find a way out. I wish I had more answers for you, but I really don't :/ I'm only 16, therefore I don't know very much or have much life experience.