I'm So Stressed, Angry And Disappointed With Myself. I Wish I Never Existed

I'm attending my 2nd week of community college. I slacked off in high school and got mediocre grades so I didn't bother applying to a 4 year university. I have a huge Biology exam on Monday and here I am sitting, with a textbook in front of me. 6 chapters worth I have to cram for. I don't think I've ever thought so deeply about my life. I used to be such a good student way back in middle school, where did it all go wrong. My parents have a combined salary of 30k.. yeah, I know. They work every day, from morning till night. and I don't mean 9am-5pm. I mean early morning to late night. Everyday. To raise me and my multiple siblings so that we can live in a good neighborhood and go to good schools. I had a dream once, to get a really good job making six figures so that my parents wouldn't have to work anymore. That just seems out of reach now. Honestly, this is all for them. If my parents weren't making such little money working miserable jobs, I couldn't give a **** about my academic life or how ****** my life would turn out to be if I don't get a good job. But this is bigger than me, I want to take care of my parents and even my younger siblings because they may not even get a chance at higher education for all I know. I'm the oldest, and I've failed. My immigrant parents came to this country with one hope. That their children would have a better life than them. When they told me that years ago, I made it my dream, my ambition, my goal to take care of them and I've let them down and I've let myself down. Life sucks.
jayleee jayleee
2 Responses Sep 14, 2012

It's never too late and it certainly isn't over. Hopelessness is something you feel when you're overwhelmed. Don't give up. You live a life of infinite possibilities and outcomes. Do what you can when you can and be proud of yourself and your parents for how far you've come. Good luck!

Little money? We make around 1.8k. ^^ Don't worry too much and fight for your goals, you've only lost once you've given up.