The Never Accepting Cynic

once again i am overcomed by loneliness and doubt and self loathing ....Since i was little I always had problems with friends. i remember being backstabed as early as grade 1 sure it wasnt anything mayor but after that it started happening every year. by grade 5 i had at least 1 breakdown per term and it always ended the same. at the end of my rant i had to bend down pick up the pieces and somehow mend them together again. i never though much of it i could never bring myself to do it. because i knew if i went down that path i would have never come out of it. im in year 11 now and how time flies and i dont know weather to be grateful for leaving or sad because i will probably never see these people again. because when i look back i see all that i never was i see all that i suffered and now i finally understand the emotions that i was feeling the betrayal the sadness the complete and utter unknowing because that is the thing that never changes that is the question that always remains : "what did i do?" and i tried to figure out but decided to let it brush over me and put it in the back of my mind. but these things always come with a vengeance i think i finally know why im constantly left alone with no explanation. its simple really i come to see that i am a horrible person i am sarcastic and cynical and mean and i have always tried to hide these things i have never embraced my cynicism whether it is because i am afraid or because i still want to believe in the e good of the world is eluded from me. but i have to face the fact that i will be alone and i will never be what i the books and songs and movies taught me i will not be the princess in the carriage i will not be the newly discovered musician or the world renown actor or person i will be alone.

And i realize that now because really who wants a cynic who has been broken and whose back is still bleeding from the wounds.
blue009 blue009
Nov 26, 2012