Just Need To Vent.

Lately, I may not seem interested or some **** ae? Reason being, I ain't, I'm losing interest in things, I just don't care anymore ae.
I'm really sick & tired of my life.
I am not doing what I want. Do it you say!
I wish. But unfortunately I can't, I probably can, but I don't feel like I can therefore to myself, I cannot achieve my goals.
I feel like I'm at times (even when I'm probably not) I'm being controlled.
I want to be a therapist/writer, solely because I want to help people, I want to make people smile, and I want to write, I believe magic can happen with a pen & piece of paper.
As you know, I'm a railway contractor, okay yes it has greaaaat money, it (railways) can set you up for life and all that ****, but I don't care.
This is one part of my life where I feel like..like stuck and obligated, yes I know, your life so do what you want, but I can't because of how I got where I am. Many people have got me here. Sorta makes me feel like it's my job to keep my job, you know..
Another thing about work is that, it can make me forget things of my life in respect of I get busy & forget. But it comes back.
Another thing, unfortunately I have this feeling, a feeling that is that no accepts me for who I am as a person, no one accepts that I'm weird.
My father thinks I'm weird and it bugs him and he gets angry. I quote "I have high expectations of my son and he can't even get them"
My father expects me to know what he knows and act his way and like th things he likes. I prefer theory side of things. He is more practical. I am not a hands on person, I got over trying to tell him that so now I just lie & say that I am.
I also don't feel like I'm good enough, I try harder and some people think I don't, but I do, and it's just not good enough, people think I need to try harder than hard. I obviously can't do it. You think your doing a good job and think you have done a good job but you get shot down in flames, people criticise me, I always get told off, either s it's cause I'm hanging the washing out wrong, or I don't do the washing, or I forget to put the bins out, or how I drive. The list goes on. I honestly cannot handle much more, I want to explode, seeing my parents (dad & step mum) it ***** me, you feel like your walking on egg shells cause you may have done something wrong.
I know I'm not good enough because my mum, who btw lives 2 states away, won't write/call or/and text me, she told my sister to tell me, she doesn't want to talk to me. You know that hurts huh, especially when she comes over to your state, to the airport near you, then goes sees your sisters then goes home, I'm her only son. She ignores me...
It hurts, last night I had a dream about her, it felt real, I almost woke up crying, yet it's not the first time it's happened.
Anyway.. Look I used to be a happy kid, now I'm 21 and I feel trapped inside a body, that I don't want to be in. I want to leave. I know you'll say don't, then I won't. But seriously, something good better come up soon.i can't handle life much longer, call me a sook, or attention seeking ****, but these are a majority of my feelings. Obviously I could go on, but lets leave it at that hey?
I just need someone to listen and talk.
Junior270991 Junior270991
18-21
Dec 11, 2012