Staying Still

everyone i know is changing, their either growing up or ******* up. either way there changing though. and here i am just stuck or what feels like stuck in the same position as two years. for the past two years i have feelin frozen. I see everyone changing, moving on with their lifes, meeting new people, doing new things. But i am still here, and i dont want to change. I dont like change. I think i used to like change, i was able to accept it and embrace it. But now i deny. ive been the same girl for two years now. i go to school, im friends with mostly everyone, and i can be a huge *****. i have not dated or thought of dating ainyone in two years now, does that make me differen? if your reading this your prolly saying why two years ago, what happened two years ago that was so life changing. It was september 5th, two days before i was suppose to go back for another happy successful year with all my best friends. except i was one friend short going back that year. he passed away. it was shocking, unexpected, and the worse thing that ever occured to me. i can still remember it like it was yesterday. it was about 4 oclock, i was talking to by bf at the time, when it all came out. he had committed suicide. right then and there it all changed. we all changed, and we have never been the same. we used to be a close knit group, hungout together all the time. but after he passed away it was like we broke apart. he was like the rubber band keeping all of us together. and once he passed away we were free to do our own thing. it was scary, there was so much change going on. we lost a friend, and then we started to loose each other. it was liek i never even new anything or anybody. it was scary, sad. but the only thing i can relate it back to as why it happened is his death. and i dont want to blame it on him cause he didnt do anything wrong, he was just so lost and he didnt know. but what if he didnt die this would all be so different or would it be. i dont know. but it all started with change. im afraid of change now i think, i mean it happens to everyone everyday. but im afraid of the change being to big, i just want everything to change back to normal. but that change just wont happen. i need to learn how to change or i wont succeed in the world to come
mwilson95 mwilson95
18-21
Jan 6, 2013