Unexpected Preggers

So, I'm 20 years old. I'm in my third year of college. I've been dating this guy for two years, Chris. He's 24. I've discovered two months ago that I'm preggers. I told Chris, and he acted excited and actually glad that it happened. It's just so messed up, you know? I am supposed to have a job and a husband before I have a baby.
I grew up in a huge house with three sisters and a brother until I was eight. Then my parents got a divorce, re-married, and I got two more sisters. One from each, a year apart.
When I was a teenager I was under so much pressure that I cut and smoked weed- not a lot of smoking, really. A lot of cutting, though.
My oldest sister Christen is the most intelligent person I know. She's 32. She has three kids, two boys and a girl. She is a special education teacher- she teaches kids with learning disabilities.
My next sister Kate is also intelligent. She's 28. She has two daughters. She is a translator, fluent in six languages including English.
My brother is 24. He's engaged, he is a cop.
There's me- college student on a sports scholar ship. Lacrosse. My parents look at it as a hobby.
Younger sister, 18, she's in high school. A's, gymnastics, dance, cheer, etc.
Younger half-sister, 14, she's in eighth grade. Dance, gymnastics, straight a's, etc.
Younger half-sister, 13, she's in seventh grade. Gymnast, cheerleader, straight a student, etc.

I was the imperfect one. I was the one with imperfect grades, imperfect friends, imperfect language. I learned at a very young age that if you're not the best- no one gives a ****. No one. If you don't do what's expected- you're not important. You're disowned. I've seen in happen in my family. For example, my cousin was sent to an Army base when he turned 18. Why? Because he was caught dating a girl with an alcoholic father. Great family, I know.

I'm finally going to feel like a part of my family because I'll be a teacher in a year or two. I'll be engaged and living in a big house. I haven't told anyone in my family yet, but Christian told his whole family. He has four brothers, plus their kids and wives, it was a big party. They were so accepting and loud and dancing and fun. Very Italian. My family... I can see them now. Sitting around the huge table, silent, waiting to pounce on my flaws.

In eighth grade I had this teacher, he was an Algebra teacher, he helped me during lunch and enrichment with Algebra stuff... and with personal stuff. He listened. He asked questions and gave me advice and was the warm father figure I wasn't used to. He had long talks with me about the decisions I made, the people I hung out with, and everything else. I talked with him through high school and he was just always there for me. He didn't let me forget that. He WANTED to listen. That was knew. His name is Anthony. I think I should meet him for coffee or something. Catch up. Mention that I am freaking pregnant by accident.

Before you assume that I'm like one of those girls on teen mom who makes everything about herself, listen to my opinion on this situation. I don't support abortion- that would never happen. Ever. Even if I was fifteen years old, I think it's murder and it's unfair. I don't hate what happened. It's just not what I expected. I can't imagine myself with anyone other than Christian, I don't know how I'm going to go to college and have an infant. I'm going to do it, I'm going to be an adult and I'm going to treat him or her as I would if I had expected it. Perfect room, perfect clothes, tons of attention, everything. A kitten on his/her first birthday. Everything will be perfect. I'm not sure what I'm nervous about, I guess. One thing I know for sure is that if the baby is a boy, his name will be Anthony.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 15, 2013