I Want So Much to Open Your Eyes...

....'cuz i need you to look into mine....and there's nothing, nothing else...but you and your eyes...nothing left, nothing, nothing...

You are so far away…I don’t even know if you exist. My toes are numb, and my fingers are tingling…I feel so light on the inside, so heavy on the outside. I need you here, I’ve been waiting far too long for your embrace. It’s true what I said, I do dream much more than before. But your face is lost to me, and I have begun my doubting process again. I wish so badly you were here with me. I said the same line to my friend, but in all truth, it was meant for you. I don’t think I can ever come alive without you in my life. I’m just a hollow flute, I need you to blow air into me. I’m so empty, so very hollow. I need you to fill me up with your warm breath. I need your hands to play with my hair, I need your arm around my waist. I need to drown in your eyes, I need the world you represent. I need you to be real, I need to touch you, I need to feel you. I need to fit into your arms and stay there forever. When you will come into my life, I will stop searching for its evasive purpose…it will become a meaningless quest, for when you are around, what need do I have of a purpose? It’s only you, you, you…and you are not here yet. I wish for you, I need you, I want you, I crave you. I’m so lost without you, I don’t know what I’m doing until I close my eyes and fall into you…I dream each night and pray before my eyes close that you may come once more in my dreams. I need to fall asleep listening to the heartbeat of your heart, I need your warmth, I need your existence. But you are not here, and I am left doubting your actuality. You, oh you, are the only thing I need, all else can go up in flames, all I want is to be held by you…I’m fading away, can’t you see? It’s only you who makes me human, all else transforms me into an invisible shadow, large and unseen. My world is only beautiful when your darkness swamps it, without your presence, it is a dull white desert of endless desolation. They say I need therapy, they say I need medical help, but I know better…all I need is you. I need to be able to pour myself out and drown your being in my love, love that has spent an eternity walled up within my heart. And when at last I am emptied into you, we shall rise from this world of wrenching misery and float above, and the sky itself shall be our home. The stars will forever light up the dark dusky beauty and your voice will be tossed by the wind, and carried to the very depth of my ears, so that only I can hear your precious words. What are prayers, what are dreams, what are wishes, when all I need to hear is your voice murmuring and echoing within me? The fire can burn low within its hearth, what difference does it make to you and me, when we are one forever…my love shall not shine, it shall burn, it will never die out, it will ring us with tendrils of flame, and not a shred of smoke shall escape our binding fire. You are all I have, and yet I have nothing, for you are not here…I am richer than the august kings, and yet so much poorer than the beggar lying broken on the streets…all I have is the promise of your existence, and the endless wait until your coming…although that is enough to make my life unparalleled in its wealth. But all that is nothing without you; wisps of smoke when the flame is so far out of sight. The sky can fall down on me, I cannot bear to touch this ground over which your footsteps have never wandered, and I cannot breathe this air untouched by your presence. I need you, my thirst is unquenchable, and I will die, trembling below this icy draught that steals away all the hope within me. Where are you when I am shivering with this love that freezes me from the inside? I need the flame that burns within me to consume me with its everlasting glow, and banish this ephemeral winter that rages within me. I am asleep on the inside, without you I cannot open my eyes to this world’s senseless beauty, you are everything, and yet you are nothing, what are you that you can so kill me without letting me live? The nights are empty, and my days are the same dreary cycle of lonesome life, without you next to me, all I can do is breathe and wish that the next breath will bring me closer to your soul. Each moment stalls as if to drag out the time before I can be in your arms at last…but it does not make a shred of difference, when each moment is already a burning burden of empty love and vacant smiles. My life is fading, my soul is dying, the being within me is shriveling, and you are not here to induce my faith in all meaning. My words are torn bits of wrinkled paper, you are the only thing that can put me together…Your face is all the light I need, and to touch your skin reverently with my trembling fingers and sink into your flow of love is a distant dream upon the unreachable horizon, where oh, where is the land where you reside? Can the wind not carry my worthless words to your shining soul? My pleas die on the dusted ground, and the clouds look on in mock pleasure…my discomfort is flaunted in the sunlight and the moon shows me only the shadow of you who are not here…I need you, oh I need you…I need you…

 

 

lunalibera lunalibera
22-25, F
Mar 23, 2009