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Help With My Dilemma Please

By: soonermom

Written on July 17th, 2008

Okay, here goes. I need your thoughts on this, because I am not sure what is the right thing. First of all, my husband is an alcoholic who is trying very hard to get an entire week's sobriety under his belt. He has been trying for almost three months and can only go three or four days at a time. Then he just goes back to drinking every day for several days. I am sure some of you have experience on both sides of this problem. Now on to the dilemma.

One of my closest friends just doesn't get it. She told me since he had been so good for almost a whole week, I should reward him by buying him a six-pack or bottle of vodka. His health has started to suffer with the alcohol, so I really am supportive of his stopping. He is diabetic also and the alcohol is just plain bad for him. I get really annoyed with my friend because she just doesn't get it. Her husband and my husband are good friends from way back (before me). When my DH goes to their house she gets out the Crown and offers him a shot or two. She even offers him candy! I am so mad at her I could spit. I think a true friend would not get it out and offer it to him, especially if he did not even ask for it. (Which he did not) I don't think she is being a friend to him or me, or our sons for that matter, since they are also pulling for dad to go sober.

Am I wrong for being so mad at her? If my DH had asked for a beer and she gave him one I could not really blame her for that, but he did not ask for anything. She got it out and offered it! I guess that makes me the big bad wife who "won't let" her husband drink, and her the sympathetic friend who knows that "just one little drink won't hurt." Her dad was an alcoholic, her sister-in-law is an alcoholic, and her sister who died in a car wreck was an alcoholic. I would think she would get it. I am tired of trying to explain things to her that she just can't understand.

Okay, let me have it. Good or bad, just try not to get ugly or you'll hurt my feelings. This is a very important issue. She has not apologized or anything. Oh yeah, and she gives him some of her anxiety medication to take along with it, then drive home. GRRRRR. Thank you for any constructive advice.

By: soonermom

Age: 41-45 , Female

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8 responses

m00sh00

i hopes thing are better noe, for better or worse, i say with ppl who have or has any addiction, alcohol or candies, u shouls prepare for the worse case senerio, be ready for u and ure kids, as for him, u must let them fall if u care about him, hopefully lesson will be learned or else to late.

6 days ago
1 like
soonermom

Yes I have gently tried to educate her, but she is of the school of thought that just a little won't hurt. Some people cannot be convinced. She knows all about his T2 diabetes, and offers him brownies, cake, candy, etc.

This was written a while back, and I have to say that I don't talk much to her anymore. I got worn out trying to convince her that alcoholism is a disease that cannot be controlled by the alcoholic. The only way to "control" it is to stop drinking, but she just can't accept that.

Thank you everyone for your help.

Oct 6, 2008
1 like
soonermom

Thank you everyone for your insight.

Jul 20, 2008
1 like
LilAnnie

MY husband drank bourbon every day, all day, for years. Then his drinking buddies started to die. One by one he went to their funerals. The last drink he had was the night he got picked up by the cops for drunk driving as he came home from a funeral. He called me, told me he was in jail and asked for me to leave him in there all night. That must have been some night cause he's never had one drink since. Its been l7 years. The key to his success was turning his back on his many friends and all the places they drank. He knew he wasn't strong enough to be with them. He's to the point now where he can see some of the old buddies but his rule is only for breakfast. I am very proud of him.

Jul 18, 2008
2 likes
soonermom

Thanks, peaceonearth. I know he is still waffling on the issue and thinks he can control his drinking himself. Oh I wish he could see this through!

Jul 17, 2008
1 like
soonermom

Thanks thirty. I can always count on you for encouragement. For now I have not been answering her calls because I don't want to say mean things while I am upset.

Jul 17, 2008
1 like
PeaceOnEarth

"Oh yeah, and she gives him some of her anxiety medication to take along with it, then drive home. GRRRRR"

I guess that makes me the big bad wife who "won't let" her husband drink, and her the sympathetic friend who knows that "just one little drink won't hurt."

~~~~~~~~~~

The thing is,she is an "enabler".

AND

people can stop drinking if they want to!

{I did}

~~~~~~~~~~

It is all on him.

Either he will stop or it will kill him.{drinking,doping with Diabetes}.

Many Blessings upon you and your children soonermom.

Keep us posted?

HUGZ

Jul 17, 2008
1 like
thirty30

does she believe alcoholism is actually a disease? my brother has a problem, when he drinks he beats his wife, & my stepfather actually encourages his drinking. he says he's not a babysitter, & if my brother wants to 'feel normal' he's entitled. i think if your husband doesn't even ask for a drink, he should just stop visiting at their house. eventually she will ask if there's a reason, & you can say, yes, he's trying to quit drinking, & you're encouraging him to drink, so we're just avoiding the situation.

Jul 17, 2008
2 likes

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