Who I Am

I have been married almost 7 years. We have children. We have had many good and many bad times. Back when we had our first child, my husband had a night stand one night when he was drunk. He was very remorseful. So we worked things out. He used to drink alot and do bad things. Treat me like **** and drink and drive. He would spend rent money on drinks for himself and friends. That went on for years. He would do so good then messed up big. We would get through it tho. I haven't been an angel either. I was not perfect. had my issues but over all a good wife. But now for the past 2 years or so my husband has come such a far way. He is not perfect of course but he is a good man. A good husband and father. We are good good friends with my sister and her husband. We would get together and do family outings. have a blast. We would get together the 4 of us and have some drinks and have a great time. We all got a long great. Problem is....we had a drinking night about a week ago, and we were being stupid and everyone was drinking a lot. No one even remembers the whole night. My sister and husband went off talking..they have stuff in common..like breakups and what not. My husband is my first n only real relationship so i dont have much experience. Me and my sisters husband would talk about life..our past..what not. Somehow that turned into him kissing me..and asking for more..but i said no. Now the mistake is out..everyone knows. And i feel as low as i have ever felt. I feel like a piece of dirt. I hate myself. My husband is staying. My sister is staying with her spouse. We are knocking it off as a crazy drunken night and big mistakes and regrets. Tho its not easy for anyone. I am doing my all to show my hubby i love him and only him and to show im so sorry to him and my sister. I feel like its a bad dream.
Now i am trying not to get upset..been keeping it mostly to myself. But my sister and husband been texting alot(they never use to text). They text every day. Alot to do with what happened. So i get it to a point. But i dont see how this will help us all move on...and they said that's what they both want. I don't want them growing closer or something. I feel like i shouldn't say anything but i cant help but be hurt by it. I had said something few days ago and found out my sister got real upset that i didn't want them texting. My hubby acted like he understand but text anyway. Now i don't think anythings going on...just cant help but feel the texting like that often is not right and shouldn't be happening. we are trying to all rebuild. I don't know if i have the right to be upset since what has happened. I been thinking i will let the texting continue for a few weeks during this tough time..but then i feel the texting should stop unless its a once in a while text asking how they r or whatever. Anyway i dont know if i should just let it go or what. Me and my hubby been doing really good and i dont want to make him mad at me. I am trying after all to make him happy and to show him i love him so much. This is such a mess and i never seen my life going through something like this..especially me being on the bad end. I thought about taking my life but couldnt..i have my babies i need to love and take care off. I deserve pain i feel tho. The guilt i have i deserve but is so strong..anyway some words from others would be great
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 18, 2013