11.11.10Recently me and my girlfriend of 1 year and almost 8 months broke up. When we first broke up i wanted to kill myself, i couldnt think of a reason to get out of bed. I didnt move for 2 days.
Now i feel like things are somewhat getting better. I am up out of bed, and i am talking to her again. I'm regaining hope.
All i want in my life is her. She is the most beautiful girl ever to me. But without her i have fallen into a depression. I dont feel hungry or thirsty, i havent a real meal in about 5 days, i get major mood swings. I go from being somewhat happy to suicidal to content to sad. I'm all over the place. I ran away from home and self harmed myself.
I keep telling myself, "If she's happy than i'm happy" but i know that isnt true. I want her, and knowing i cant have her is killing me. I think she's beginning to realize that she wants me back, but doesnt know what to do. If i could show her, that this time we could work out i can. I never actually thought the day would come that i would lose her. I took her for granted and now im paying for it. We used to talk about our future together, and we used to talk about how happy we would be after we got married and lived together. But now i feel like i will never find love again, and i feel like i will die alone and miserable. Maybe i deserve that? I treated her like trash though she has been the best thing to ever happen to me. If i ever get her back, i will try my hardest to make this work. But for now i dont think she wants it, but i told myself i will wait here for her. And thats exactly what i will do. I will forgive all the mistakes she may have made during this time of being apart, because i love her. with all of my heart, and i dont want this to come between us.
I wish every night that things will look up, but i cant get these thoughts out of my head. i keep thinking that she just lost all love for me. But i know that isnt true, i know she will still love me as much as she always has.
I am a 15 year old teenager named Devin Borne, and i love my ex-girlfriend Alexis with all of my heart. And i always will.