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I Never Got to Say This to You

To My Dearest Randy

By: wickedties
Written on September 12th, 2011
I am not sure how to start this letter.....do I start by telling you that you are one of the strongest men I have ever known? That you have touched my heart, my soul, my spirit and will forever be a part of my life??

Your smile, your laugh, filled me with warmth.
Your intelligence, your words, forever lingering in my mind, my heart.
Your kindness, your compassion truly inspirations.

Your battle has now ended and you are now free of pain. You fought with dignity, grace and such strength.....I will forever admire you for that! And while I know you are now living the life you dreamt of in Hawaii, sipping dacquiris, working on that golden brown tan and with your one true love, happy, as you so deserve. Yet I can't help but feel, selfishly, a desire for you to still be a part of this life, of my life. But that is not to be.....

Oh how I will miss you my dear friend! But you are free of pain now and that is all that matters.

One day I will join you but until then, please know you have touched my life and I am truely honoured that you allowed me to be a part of yours.I am honoured to call you my friend and I will never forget your laugh, your smile, your voice or your strength.

Until we meet again, my friend, my dearest Randy.....I love you.




By: wickedties
Age: 41-45 , Female
637 people have read this story

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29 responses
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    joecumlots
    joecumlots

    I'm not the kind of guy who is easily brought to tears , but while I was reading this I began to tear up a bit. We get sad because we will never be able to hold them physically again. But you can never stop holding and loving them in mind and in your heart as they will always be a part of you. God bless you.

    Sep 12, 2012
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      Thank you very much for the very kind words....and you are right, while you can not hold them/hug them or have a conversation with them (in the true sense) you always have a piece of them with you, through memories. He touched my life dearly and he was one incredible man who is missed by so many. I am just blessed he called me a friend and allowed me into his life!

      Sep 12, 2012
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    AnonymouslyWritten
    AnonymouslyWritten

    Sometimes it seems that words never fill the void of what is felt and touched... I am sure what you feel inside overshadows anything that words can provide... Very beautiful way to say goodbye Wickedties...

    Mar 20, 2012
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      Thank you...and yes there are feelings iside that I cannot begin to put to paper. I've tried and they just come up cheap and indulgent.
      And yes, the letter to say the good bye I never got to has been helpful.....but there will always be a little regret that I couldn't say those things in person. I just hope he knows how much he meant to me!!

      Mar 21, 2012
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    zitzblitz123
    zitzblitz123

    good job this is really good

    Feb 13, 2012
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      thank you....

      Feb 14, 2012
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    zitzblitz123
    zitzblitz123

    good job this is really good

    Feb 13, 2012
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    Haunted5
    Haunted5

    One does miss those that we have had cherished moments together. Especially when things end in such a tragic way. The person that has left us has moved on to places that are even far more beautiful than what you have described. You will meet him again & new memories can be made.Thanks for your story.

    Feb 12, 2012
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      Yes, I know he has moved on to much better.....and I feel that I will indeed see him again. My memories of him will help me move on with my life...his wisdom helps me everyday.

      Thank you for your words, very sweet!

      Feb 12, 2012
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    skrc4u
    skrc4u

    excellent emotional expression in words.I like your way of presenting inner heart if it is really real.

    Jan 25, 2012
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      thank you.....and it is most definitely real! He battled HIV, and many complications that came with, in the end though, he got cancer that spread like wild flowers....yet throughout all, he smiled, stayed positive and always, everyone else came first. He is one of those individuals who touches your life and you are never the same again. He was an incredible man and I miss him.

      Jan 25, 2012
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    TheRide
    TheRide

    What a sweet "goodbye for now"...

    Jan 10, 2012
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      thank you.....it felt/feels right. I know one day I will see him again.

      Jan 12, 2012
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    cosmicpete
    cosmicpete

    That was a lovely letter and....you will meet him again.....I am sure he is looking down admiringly!!!

    Nov 6, 2011
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      thank you...I hope he is.

      Nov 9, 2011
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    shavedrod
    shavedrod

    It is unfair people lose their lives at such a young age. And leaving their loved ones behind. My sincere condolences. It happened to me twice and I have carried these crosses with me for far too long. I hope this will not be your destiny and you will live the day today and focus on tomorrow, how great the sorrow may be.

    Oct 25, 2011
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      Shavedrod, thank you for your kind words. He was an incredible man and an awesome friend, I will indeed miss him dearly.

      Oct 25, 2011
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    rock4milk
    rock4milk

    That was VERY touching......... At first, I thought you were nicely telling someone that you just wanted to be friends....... So I read more than a few sentences. VERY nice of you to share that! I wrote on your whiteboard about a comment you made elsewhere. You seem like such a sweetheart!

    Oct 21, 2011
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      Rock4milk, thank you for the comment......I was trying to say good bye but it is hard, I actually read this at his celebration of life 2 weekends ago. .

      And I am a sweetheart, sometimes *smiles*

      Oct 24, 2011
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    seraph006
    seraph006

    Your words moved me, thank-you for sharing them.

    Oct 3, 2011
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      wickedties
      wickedties

      Seraph006, thank you for saying that.....and my sharing was strictly selfish really, a way to say goodbye to a very dear friend.

      Oct 5, 2011
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    wickedties
    wickedties

    Thank you...I wll be reading it at his funeral.

    Oct 3, 2011
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    jackplug
    jackplug

    :) that was beautiful

    Oct 3, 2011
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    wickedties
    wickedties

    Onedgm, thank you.

    Sep 25, 2011
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    Onedgm
    Onedgm

    love the way you write....thanks

    Sep 22, 2011
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    wickedties
    wickedties

    Thank you Fungirlmmm! It was a way to say goodbye.....I know in some way he has heard it.

    Sep 14, 2011
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    fungirlmmm
    fungirlmmm

    I am so sorry for your loss wicked. This is a beautiful tribute however. Thank you for sharing this with us. **hugs**

    Sep 14, 2011
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    wickedties
    wickedties

    Partytested, thank you for your kind words. It is amazing how writing that to him helped me except his passing.....no, it doesn't remove the hurt, the emptiness I feel but it let's me feel like he knows, knows how much he meant to me and he will be dearly missed.



    Thank you again for the comment.

    Sep 13, 2011
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    partytested
    partytested

    That is beautiful. Very well written and with such lovely words. You are a wonderful friend and I am sure that he knew that and cherished every moment with you.

    Sep 13, 2011
    3 likes