Not Able To Imagine Someone I Love Falling In Love With Me.

How unlikely is it? Honestly, I've been CRAZY about some guys, but either they didn't like me or I was never able to tell them before it was too late. And my personality is difficult to handle... I'm 19 and am on medication for severe depression. I'm feeling ok now, but I'm still very very uncomfortable in social situations, and I am terrified of negative energy being thrown at me. I can never act normal with someone I like and I know it sounds typical, but it's really a big problem. I become a show-off and start putting them down "jokingly" but it's never funny, and it's just how I act when I'm nervous but it's a massive guy-repellant!!!! The scarce number of guys who have been interested in me I found repulsive, and I'm not sure if they just weren't my type of if I was repulsed by them BECAUSE they liked me... Although when I imagine someone I really like starting to really like me too, it feels amazing... People have told me I'm alone because of ME, but I think it's unfair, because to be in a relationship where the guy loves me and I love him back.... It's all I want right now...
I'm so annoyed at myself for not being able to be human enough to find someone to hold me, however sickening that might sound...
Sometimes I feel that, even though I'm only 19, I'm not programmed to be with someone because of how things have worked out.
Elipsed Elipsed
3 Responses Jul 10, 2010

Wow. For a moment there I thought I had written this! I feel the same way. I always look at my friends and other people who attract guys and get bfs and wonder what's wrong with me. I am 19 too and also suffer from depression. I don't think im attractive, but I also know I have seen worse looking people with a boyfriend or husband. I just feel like im missing some piece of the puzzle that other people <br />
were born with. I just want to know that someone can love me, and that it IS possible, although at this point I've given up hope.

OMG we're almost the same. I'm kind of a social person. But I always find it difficult to get a bf. because well, i don't know what I'm doing wrong!!! At least you do! I mean, I tend to be friends with them but that's it. Do you think because I'm wayyy too friendly? I wouldn't really know, because I am sooo totally clueless. Gl to you and me!!!

omg!! you are not alone seriously, i always find it hard to get me feelings across to a guy because i am scared that he does not like me or he wouldnt take me seriously.<br />
things would get better i promise you and dont give up hope. if you dont have a boyfriend dont beat yourself too hard it just that you havent found the perfect guy that would sweep you off ur feet.<br />
just keep you guards slightly open and see how things go<br />
i wish you gud luck girl :)))