100% Non-girlfriend Material

100% NON-Girlfriend Material
I will be 26 the 19th of December. I feel like I will never be good enough to ever be someones girlfriend. I think about this all the time. It makes me depressed and I cry about it a lot. I lack self-confidence and im not that outgoing. Im told all the time how beautiful i am and everyone is always shocked when they hear that i dont have a boyfriend and never have had one before. No one believes me. I dont know what i am doing wrong but i know its got to be me that cant be thought of as girlfriend material. I feel like when getting to know a guy it always starts off great but down the road of "talking" the feelings arnt mutual. either I like them more than they like me or they like me more than i like them (which is rare). There is never a happy medium. I cant win, either i dont talk to them enough or i talk to them too much. Ive been told Id make a great girlfriend, id make a great wife, Im so sweet, Ive been told "Im so glad Ive found you", Ive even heard a few "I love you"s, ive been told a few times that I was "perfect", ive been told that I AM the one that would be breaking his heart. Well how come i am always the one left broken hearted :( I guess ive been told everything i want to hear a guy say to me except being called someones girlfriend. I was close once but he ended up choosing someone else. Why cant I ever be good enough to be someones FIRST choice?
26-30, F
9 Responses Dec 16, 2012

If you are sweet and attractive then you are 100% girlfriend material. You just have to find someone who is patient and isn't so social that they aren't interested in only how you portray yourself, but who you are on the inside. I've found it really hard to find girls like this, because I take a long time to feel comfortable with anyone, and I'm more interested in one-on-one connections. Anyway, I am sure you are girlfriend material and you will find a great guy, just have to be patient :)

I have a sticky note with writing on it which I keep folded up in my wallet at all times. It has a sharpie sketch of a shooting star and says on it "My wish is to one day be worth something to somebody". You'd probably never guess I kept something like that because I'm usually either very positive or aloof and stoic.

Hey, don't worry about finding love so soon. There's not really a time limit on that sort of thing and a lot of people have been getting married in their late twenties or early thirties if they take it seriously. Just focus on being happy as you are, whether or not you're in love. I'm sure this sort of thing will work out in time and you'll wonder why you ever felt this way :)

Btw, want a hug? Too bad, you're getting one whether you like it or not! :P

This actually made me cry lol in a good way and in a sad way. I think I'm gonna keep that same sticky note in my wallet too :)
I love comments like this. There really are sweet people out there :) thank you so much for taking the time to read this and to say what you said. It means a lot :) and I would deff love that hug *hugs you back*

Anyways, I'm 24, still single, and currently job hunting. A lot of boring waiting and sending resumes. I would love to fall in love but when I do find my special someone I don't want to be a burden lol.

Anyways, I love talking with people and sharing stories and such--I noticed you cook (I do a lot of baking).

Wanna be pen pals?

Lol sure :)

Sit and watch how Ur soul mate will unexpectedly appear to you, as it should be. Make sure to *** back here and post the story even if in 2021. Forget about all this, lots wish they were single...you should be having fun, experience what life offers you and let things happen and for you to follow the flows

nice sis

You are probably a great person. Don't beat yourself up. Challenge yourself a bit - join a new club, pick up a new hobby, talk to a guy at the bookstore.

I don\'t think I\'m ever going to go out of my way to talk to another guy. I\'m not doing it.

don\'t go out of your way. if you are in a club or working on a hobby at a store you can make a non-specific comment (like that color, or any advice on how to do this?). Friendly, non-romantic, and maybe you can build confidence.

Yeah I gotcha. I\'m doing good so far :)

I know the feeling of this, I feel like I am incapable of ever truly being loved. I am never a first choice for anyone, not even among my friends or family, I am always a second choice to everyone, including members of the opposite sex. And yet so many people have told me that I am a nice guy and any girl would be lucky to have me, of course this has made me slightly cynical of the words of people who say such things. But in the end, it is not just you, it is them as well. Everything is a contributing factor, not just you but them as well. Everything plays a factor for better or worse.

Thank You!!! I never thought of it like that. I guess people come into your life to teach you whether its good or bad and grow from it. Im trying to be myself and not change for anyone but lately Ive been caving and I think Ive lost respect for myself. Well idk if im losing respect for myself or if im just feeling more comfortable with myself and around being a certain person. im just really confused.

I think that if they cannot see past your faults then it was never meant to be, be patient and wait for the one who can see past all faults and even love you for it. There are people like that and they to search for the same thing as you do.

Just when they say they love me they leave me. I feel like giving up. Im just confused. lol Ive been paitent for 26 years lol I just want to be loved. I want to be held and never let go. The other day at work I was seeing all my guy friends and I just wanted to grab one of them and hug them forever. lol thats how i felt lol alllll day.

I'm in the same situation as you.. in my 20's and never had a boyfriend. I know how frustrating it is.. gradually loosing faith that you'll ever find the guy who would want you as his girlfriend.. Just like you, I've been told I'm good looking but it doesn't help me to get a bf. it's hard. And it made me sad reading your story. It's especially frustrating that no one actually believes that we have those problems cuz "you're pretty, you can get anyone you want!" or "you can find a boyfriend in no time"- but reality isn't that simple. Oh well. I can only wish you luck in finding that special someone (: One day you will!

Awwww thank you :)
I hope the same for you too :)

A lot of people arnt first choices. Personally, Ive been with three women my whole life, and I loved each of them more then anything lol. I actually had to choose between two girls once. They were both amazing but my heart led me towards one. 8 months later, she broke up with me, then I ended up dating the other girl lol. In a way she was literally my second choice, but while I was with her I realized I shouldve choose her to begin with... Then she cheated on me Lol. So Ive ended up single again now, and trust me I know where your coming from. Ive never felt like any girl has ever understood me completely. Even when it feels like shes the most important person in the world and that I'd die for them if I had too, I never seem to get the same back..

I know what it's like never to have anyone special. Many of my friends are either in serious relationships or married and I still haven't had my first date. Believe me, I feel for you and wish you the best. There is a guy out there for you and you just have to find him. It may just be that people have a hard time reading you because you are not very outgoing. I can also tell you that many guys are intimidated by a beautiful young woman especially if she isn't the outgoing type. This can sometimes drive them away. Just remember to smile, be friendly and don't be afraid to show affection if you meet a guy you like. Otherwise they may never know how you really feel.

Just reading what u said made me realize ive been doing eveything all wrong. I dont smile enough...so ive been told. I am very friendly. Im nice to everyone. Im deff working on the affection part more lol not sure if its working lol but..... "It may just be that people have a hard time reading you because you are not very outgoing. I can also tell you that many guys are intimidated by a beautiful young woman especially if she isn't the outgoing type. This can sometimes drive them away." sounds exactly right, I really need to work on things. thank you though this helped a lot :)

Glad to be of service.

You are not the only one girl, I am in the same boat with you. I hear its not you its me all the time..."your were perfect and so beautiful, but im not ready...". Every time I tell someone I have never had a boyfriend they are shocked and want to know why, I want to know why myself! I continue to hang in there for that one guy who wants to make me his girlfriend, thats all we can do right?

OMG are you my twin??? :) u sound like me lol