36 Never Had A Boyfriend And Never Been Kissed.I am 36 year old, and ever since I remember I've been waiting for that special someone, I remember since I was 15-16 years old on each new year I would think, this year I will have my first kiss, but nothing ever happened... I do not even recall when did I stop doing that... I haven't even been close to kiss anyone... I do not consider myself as a totally ugly person but there should be something really wrong with me since I have never felt like someone even wants to start to know me other than just friends. It breaks my heart to realize that I will never ever kiss, hold someone's hand or say I love you....
Since I was a little kid I knew I was different, and I felt that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, and I am too sad to say that I was right :(
I have felt in love several times, and I never confess my feelings to either one... But this last one, Arturo, I did, not with words but I know he knew it... He once caught a txt msg on my cell phone in where a friend was telling me that I like him... I was soooooooo embarrassed... never talked about that but he knew.... We worked together but it was unbearable to see him everyday, so I quit I decided I will leave because if I cannot be with him as something else than a work partner I rather not to have any contact, that way when he gets a girlfriend or get's married It won't hurt me.... We talked several days after I quit and he invited me to dinner, I was so excited... But I just never remember that every time I was happy there was sadness coming up, and so it did..... He stood me up.... Never called, or send a msg. I never been kissed or had a boyfriend but NEVER EVER felt so rejected in my entire life.... Every day I cried not only because I miss Arturo but also because I think that I was clinging to him so much because I saw it as my last chance, and my last chance hurt me in a way I do not think anyone has ever hurt me..... Anyway, unfortunately life goes on.... And although I know that this will pass I doubt that I will ever have something that for most of the people is so common, and for me is so unattainable, that first kiss. :(
AREF13 36-40, F 10 Responses 3 Aug 25, 2013