Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

36 Never Had A Boyfriend And Never Been Kissed.

I am 36 year old, and ever since I remember I've been waiting for that special someone, I remember since I was 15-16 years old on each new year I would think, this year I will have my first kiss, but nothing ever happened... I do not even recall when did I stop doing that... I haven't even been close to kiss anyone... I do not consider myself as a totally ugly person but there should be something really wrong with me since I have never felt like someone even wants to start to know me other than just friends. It breaks my heart to realize that I will never ever kiss, hold someone's hand or say I love you....
Since I was a little kid I knew I was different, and I felt that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, and I am too sad to say that I was right :(
I have felt in love several times, and I never confess my feelings to either one... But this last one, Arturo, I did, not with words but I know he knew it... He once caught a txt msg on my cell phone in where a friend was telling me that I like him... I was soooooooo embarrassed... never talked about that but he knew.... We worked together but it was unbearable to see him everyday, so I quit I decided I will leave because if I cannot be with him as something else than a work partner I rather not to have any contact, that way when he gets a girlfriend or get's married It won't hurt me.... We talked several days after I quit and he invited me to dinner, I was so excited... But I just never remember that every time I was happy there was sadness coming up, and so it did..... He stood me up.... Never called, or send a msg. I never been kissed or had a boyfriend but NEVER EVER felt so rejected in my entire life.... Every day I cried not only because I miss Arturo but also because I think that I was clinging to him so much because I saw it as my last chance, and my last chance hurt me in a way I do not think anyone has ever hurt me..... Anyway, unfortunately life goes on.... And although I know that this will pass I doubt that I will ever have something that for most of the people is so common, and for me is so unattainable, that first kiss. :(
AREF13 AREF13 36-40, F 12 Responses Aug 25, 2013

Your Response

Cancel

I will be 34 in August and never had a boyfriend either. I always wonder what it would be like to meet someone special and him saying "I love you" and what it would be like to be his girlfriend. I have dated a few guys briefly and even made out with one, but he didn't want a relationship so I was kind of crushed because I thought we were heading toward one. I wouldn't worry so much about the kiss. The love is more important and I am right there with you in that I haven't had a boyfriend either. If it doesn't happen by the time I am 50, I will probably call it quits LOL!

No love, no kiss no anything.... that is no way to live a life, I just exist but I do not live. And that is all.

Aw, you DO exist! Please remember that you are special in your own way. Just because we not received romantic love in return does not mean we are less loveable or less beautiful. I do not know you but I bet you are a beautiful person and have many special talents. I bet you are very loving and have a beautiful heart. If anyone has failed to see it, it is their loss not yours. May God bless you.

Ok so everybody is saying that you will find someone and that you have to put yourself out there. I have never gone on a date or kissed anyone and I don't think I ever will. I'm not going to give advice that I don't do and it's so easy to give it somebody else but not yourself so I would suck it up. Not to be rude. I'm doing the same thing. You still have a chance and it's possible you find love but it's also possible you won't so I don't see how people telling you online what you have to do to find somebody is helpful. And I doubt you'll listen. I usually wallow in my pain but it doesn't help so I had to learn to cope with it. Who gives a f*** about this world and it's unfair cruelty. It's sucks but we have to cope. I know it hurts and I'm sorry but I would just not give a damn about what other people think and just be myself for my own sake.

It´s been a year since I have my heart broken, and I still cry every night about it... I know that someday this will pass, and I will forget or at least It will be less painfull, as of right now, it is still the same as it has happened yesterday.... I do not want to fall in love ever again, it is just not worth all the tears and the broken dreams, It is much better to get away....

I understand all too well. I had my heart broken many times but my last was the most painful because I thought the guy loved me in the same way. We are still friends since I know he loves me as a person and as a friend but I thought he loved me as more since we had kissed on two occasions. I went as far to write in a letter which he never responded to because he didn't know what to say. I cried for several months because of failed expectations and because I felt so foolish. It is almost a year since I wrote that letter and I am just starting to heal. I hope it will be a long while before I give my heart again. I need recovery time too because it does hurt so much. I have never had a guy return my love before and I thought this guy would be that guy who would but he wasn't and so it hurt so bad. I found that what got me through it was a lot of prayer. I read Psalm 34:18 on a daily basis which says: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." I pray for your healing too.

That is so rude that he stood you up! You deserve so much better and if you put yourself out there and open yourself up to the possibility that love is out there for you, I know that someone amazing will come along! Please don't give up hope, life is full of amazing opportunities and you only live once so make all this waiting worth something...step out of your comfort zone and try new things, travel, do things you love and while you are focusing on being 100% happy with yourself and life, that perfect person will come along(:

I will try to live happy with what I have but I will not be open to be hurt again, so that door closed forever :(

It will happen. Some random guy will come up to you. You will become good friends. And out of no where- BAM! You both have feelings for each other. You are going to have that special someone. He just hasn't arrived yet. Humans aren't meant to live life alone. We need people. Even if it's just one person. The man your looking for is out there. For all you know it's possible you've already met him. There is SOMEONE for EVERYONE. That goes for you as well my friend.

There are always exceptions, and I am one of them :(

Well I'm almost 20 and I NEVER had a boyfriend. I really don't feel that it is the end of the world. I never have it at the top of my priority list to "Have a boyfriend". And that's what you may think. And you ARE an exception. Everyone is included to have a mate. INCLUDING YOU. You need to be stronger. The fact that you are still hurt after one man stood you up is really saying something. He is a ***** and you are WAY better than that. Don't let him be the reason you may never find someone because you were too scared to meet new people and fall in love again. Don't be afraid to fall in or be in love. It's scary yes, but a lot of other people are going to feel that way. Go out there and live instead of remaining dormant and cautious of love. It's a fantastic thing.

Wow you sound so much like me, a very sensitive soul. I can understand how you feel since I will be 34. I feel like it is hopeless for me too but you just got to keep an open mind, too. Don't let it stop you. P.S. some of the most awesome people I know are single and they are beautiful people. You were too good for that last dude. That's for sure. Don't settle. It's okay to be picky, but most importantly, don't call it quits either. Anything can happen in this life. I believe in miracles! I still believe it can happen to me!

Have you tried a dating website? At least other people on the site will know your intentions. You should try it. Someone is out there looking for you right now.

I was just about to say the same thing! I went on a number of Internet dates when I was going through a quiet patch- was a lot of fun!

It is definitely an easy way to meet someone you would have otherwise never had any contact with.

Thanks, but no thanks. I am just not going to get all excited when I already know the result. I will be hurt again. Call it defense mechanism or foolishness, but I just won't try anything.

I'm very young... and I feel like I will be in the same shoes you are now.So far, I've never had a boyfriend or got my first kiss. I've been unwanted by guys, but I believed that there will be a prince that would sweep me off my feet and prove something to me. I've come to realize that life is not only about finding your 'soul mate', but rather building experiences that will find the inner you and benefit yourself and the world.I honestly look up to women who have never had a man in their life. It shows that they fought the pain of being unwanted and lived years of their life independently. I hope that you will come to see how strong you really are.

never say never

Do not give up, please... regardless of how futile it might seem to you now, you must understand that each of us has at least one person that, if you only meet, you will fall madly in love with. Arturo was not that man and never would have been. He could not have stood you up otherwise. I have recently made the discovery that after 14 years, a woman I thought was my soulmate, was in actuality a charlatan and a liar who sought at every turn to sabatoge my life, and this was from the VERY beginning! I am now 56 and once more I must begin from scratch! BUT, I have not given up believing that I STILL can find my soulmate... and you should not either! The way I see it is you MUST do a dating service like eHarmony or Match.com. I know that can sometimes lead to crummy experiences, but without some exposure to males that are actively seeking, you have zero prospects, not because you aren't attractive but because you are painfully shy. I understand that, I was that! Put yourself out there, you will not find him otherwise! I say this hoping you understand and do not really want a solitary life in actuality. I say this with the hope you go on one of these eMatch dates and find someone that blows your socks off, and gives you that kiss you have yearned for. I too have been waiting for that special someone and while I have had many kisses, none were from HER. So technically I am waiting for my first kiss as well. Please do this, put yourself out there, each date will give you the strength to forge on, and none need know of your quest until you have found him!

To do that would mean that I still have hope to find that special someone, but unfortunately my faith/hope has ran out... so I will just try to live as it is. Thanks for your comments, I actually wrote what I cannot tell anyone...

Ah... I see, then perhaps HE will walk up to you one day. I do hope so, a solitary existence is not what we were designed for.

I have a friend, he is probably 55 and he never had a gf, not even a kiss. I still turns red when a woman sit close to him! Don't feel bad!

how many cats do you have

1 cat

There is someone out there for you !

That is what I have been telling myself since I was a teenager, but that is just been positive... I need to be realistic...If I keep living in a fantasy world I would go crazy. Need to confront reality, even if it is so sad.... But thanks!

Look up twin flames, very possible you have all the love you need its just not visible to you yet, the more linear we look we miss the beauty. If we met i would have asked you on a date and given you that kiss dont fret, being alone doesnt always mean lonely.

Wow this is crazy !