20 And Single

It's hard, and somewhat embarrassing to say, but I've never had a boyfriend.  Not in the true sense anyway.  I've had boys like me, been on a date, been in mutual like, and I finally had my first kiss at age 20.  But I've never really 'been' with anyone.  It's pretty much been this way my entire life.  Truth be told, the idea of getting into something like that now, with so little experience, with someone who's had experience is extremely frightening. 

When I was a kid, I was pretty odd.  I'm ok with that, I've embraced my oddness.  I was never very stylish in what I wore or how I did my hair, both of which took me until 18 to figure out. At 13 I was very silly, laughed perhaps way too loud at things, was extremely hyper, giddy, some-what spazzy.  What's funny is that I always hoped that if I looked like I was having the best time and like I was an outgoing person, someone would notice me.  I was shy when it came to talking to boys.  I could talk to them, but I felt very awkward and didn't know exactly what to say.  And to top it all off, I was, and still am, extremely blunt when it comes to my feelings.  When I liked a boy, and I liked a lot, I'd let them know myself or through a friend.  The problem was that I was too shy to get to know said boy, so it would be very surprising when he found out. 

As I got older I calmed down immensely.  I was still silly and laughed a lot, but I became much more reserved and quiet.  After being rejected so many times in middle school and even in high school a few times, I simply became used to being single.  I wasn't happy with it, but I didn't feel like I needed to change that.  I'm a very independent person, and I'm afraid of letting a person get that close and intimate with me. 

For now, I'm just working on school, trying to figure out what I want to do in life.  I would like to find someone to help me learn how to be in love, but I know that won't come with just wishing.

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17 Responses Mar 9, 2010

Hi I am 20 also never been kissed or been in a relationship and I am constantly asking myself why. I know I am not the best looking girl around but I am definitely not ugly. I've grown up both in maturity and in looks and I am not as quite and shy as I used to be. It's just really embarrassing and it honestly it makes me feel horrible about myself. The guys I've liked have been total ******** and the very limited guys who've actually showed interest were definitely not my type. I just keep thinking to myself what is wrong with me? Why is no one interested in me? I feel like eventually I am just going to have to settle for the next guy who asks me out even if I don't know him or like him just so I don't up a 40 year virgin who's never had a relationship.

i am coming up to 20 years old and i feel the exactly the same way. The only difference is that i am cripplingly shy and this is beginning to ruin my life. I find it difficult to make friends because i am so shy and i find is extremely difficult to speak to boys. i hate myself because of it. my self esteem is practically non-existent. i went to an all girls secondary school, took an all girls college course and now work with all women and therefore there is never an opportunity to meet guys. i honestly dont know how much longer i can take it. i find it awfully embaresing to tell people that i have never had a boyfriend

Hey I know this is gonna sound wired but I'm a guy and its the exact same problem a boy has. I'm 20 now and I've never had a girl friend and I know its wired me looking on why some girls have never had a boy friend, I wanted to see how girls in my situation felt. Hopefully by now you've found someone.

Hey. i am literally crying, this experience is so personal .. im at the same position as you here, and is just so hard to take. most of the people don't know, im so embaressed. it hurt a lot being like this .. i already had guys who liked me, but im just to scared to start something :c i never kissed properly a guy, is such a shame :'(

Hey i'm in the same position too never been in relationship or even kissed a guy and feel so emberessed about it ... i turn 20 in a month a feel awful about it ..

is awful, makes you feel so bad.. and thinking what i've i done? and what hurt the most is thar you will never know :C

I think i'm like you, I'm so silly my friends said and have a really loud laugh, I'm also so shy and awkward. Not only that, my friends also told me that i'm so independent....

Hi there! I'm in the same case, 20 years old and single since 20 years! Some guys want to date me and find me attractive but I don't like 'em. I've met some other (attractive) guys but for them i was just a hook up and I've always said no because I think that I deserve more than an one night stand ( also because I'm too romantical so my heart get broke easily) so I'd never had a bf too. It's make me really sad sometimes because I don't know why I attract just that kind of men.. But after all I think that God have something best for all of us and that we'll be all happy at the end. Don't loose hope and faith ! :)
PS: I'm french so I apologize if you don't get all I'm sayin kisses girls

Wow, I can't tell you how much I can relate. I am 20, and a year ago when I was 19, I got kind of involved with a guy for the first time, but I got really really hurt and it was always a very unhealthy relationship. He never even called me his girlfriend and so honestly, it kind of was friends with benefits. I feel very used and now I just want a boyfriend who treats me right so I can feel again. I never had any relationships of any kind in high school and at this point, I really would like to find someone as well. I feel hopeless though.

You have no idea how much better i feel after reading this post and the comments. I'm currently 20 yrs old and I've never had a boyfriend, or even been in a relationship with a guy where it could progress to that. I've never even had my first kiss!!!! Yea it sounds pathetic and just sad. I guess if by the time i'm 25 i still have never had that spark or connection, i'll just dedicate my life to missionary work...... oh well

Im 20 years old too! The thing with me is that I have not experienced anything tho :/ true virgin when it come to that kind of stuff. I think your pretty normal dating around, I haven't even done that --_--
I don't even have supper close guy friends. Im not nervous around them I think they just get annoyed with me :/
youll find someone who love you for you :) no worries, I hear love comes unexpectedly so maybe thats what will happen :) let me know if anything changes that would really be encouraging for me too :3

I'm actually at the same stage as you. I'm 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even gone out on a date. It's just strange because I know I'm not ugly, and that I'm pretty good in social situations, so I don't understand what's wrong. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like something is wrong. I've asked my friends before and they said any guy would be lucky to be with me, but it's never happened for me. I've been single all my life. I guess it happens when it happens. It does make me feel better though that there are other people out there that are like me, because I truly didn't know anyone my age that is in the same situation as me. I hope the best for you and when the time is right I hope you find the perfect guy :D

You sound just like me. I'm currently 19, going to be 20 this year and never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. Looks wise I wouldn't call myself ugly either, however I'm quite shy socially but still told I'm a nice person. I sometimes feel like something is wrong too, but then I suppose I'm at home a lot and therefore don't get much opportunity to meet guys. That's the problem. I need to find ways of meeting people.


same here! no date no relationship, friend tell me I seem unavailable...what is that spouse to mean?

Not embarassing at all.<br />
You are focusing on your future. When the time is right, it will happen.<br />
Be yourself and be happy.

It's the most interesting and nicest people I find that take the longest to find people if that's any comfort. The most horrid people I know, the most selfish, self-absorbed, desperate etc etc people are the people I know that are ALWAYS in relationships. My old housemate was HORRIBLE, so controlling to everyone in the house and selfish and loved talking about herself ALL the time, she was also very immature, the list is endless yet she was in a relationship for 3 years. Another girl I know, totally uses all her friends, she has very low self esteem like the other girl, was in a relationship for over 2 years. Another girl I know who is like the first 2 put together has been in a relationship over 3 years.<br />
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Nice guys (or girls) come last.<br />
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Just be yourself, don't ever change. I know it sucks that the world is this way.<br />
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I'm 21, never had a boyfriend. I know at least 5 other people aged 21 to 24 who are the nicest people I know and never had a bf/gf. One guy, the one that's 24 is the most popular guy I know.<br />
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Maybe people just feel interesting people are out of their league? I dunno.

I don't know I'vent a girl in a while I'd say realistically I'm not interesting at all. I'm very one note. I'm 21 I really just want sex and I could care less about the romance and whatever else you're supposed to do. For me that fascination has gone. If a girl is into the same stuff as me or thinks the same that's romantic enough. I dont mind girls with low self esteem or whatever. give them attention and theyll be happy. I just hate the fake ones.

from a guys side, I am 23, almost 24 and have never had a girlfriend. My first kiss when I was 22 and although I have been on date the longest relationship I've had lasted 2 weeks. It's kinda a bummer, especially when you keep seeing other people who are couples, but there are allot of perks to being single. The fact is that you cant let it define you are drag you down. I'm still here, I know what I like, IM graduating college, joining the military, I'm a nice person who is polite and keeps in good shape. If something isn't happening then thats the way it is.

Hey when you least expect it, it will happen, take time to get to know yourself first. <br />
NO rush !

Yeah.. I've never had a GF myself. Really pains to see one of your best friends get a GF, or BF for that matter.<br />
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Don't have to be so negative about going "Hey, don't get your hopes, you won't get a BF." Real supportive... /sarcasm off

I'm not 20 but from what you have said I see that I'm a lot like you I'm very shy but different and I have not had a boyfriend mainly because I belive you may find your match now but not know tell you are older. Like I belive I have found my soulmate but I'm not ready to be with him yet. So your day will come just like everyone else I mean your someone elses soulmate too and soon you will find eachother.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet:<br />
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Welcome to my boat. I've been siting in front of computers all my life. I've learned much about them, but for socialization and relationships... well, I fail at those. I've never had a real relationship either, and I'm going to be 19 in a few months. I just hope that one day, I will meet my match. It might be a few decades from now, and the pain to it will be tough, but then again, life is tough. <br />
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Simple live. You will meet your match one day!

I don't think its something anyone can teach or learn, it just happens. Allow people to get to know the parts of you that you keep hidden. There's nothing you can learn from anyone else about how to fall in love or how not to fall in love. It happens when it happens as you get to know a person. You might not even see it coming, you probably won’t have been searching for it, you might not even realize you‘re in love with this person right away. <br />
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You have to be courageous. Once you find someone you love enough to risk being vulnerable with then you'll know how to love. It comes naturally, but it only comes as you grow closer to a person, which isn’t very likely to happen if you keep them at a distance. First you have to learn to love yourself completely, even the things about yourself you aren’t fond of. When you do this you won’t mind sharing yourself completely with the world, proud of every part of yourself, flaws and all. By doing this you learn to allow people to love you. Then you learn to show love to other people. But you can’t learn to fall in love and you can‘t learn how not to fall in love. <br />
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I know you think 20 is an incredibly old age to not have had a boyfriend yet. But this is who you are and this is exactly what I mean about loving all of yourself. This is just something about you. Its not a race. When you fall in love and this person falls in love with you then you won’t be embarrassed to let him know this and he won’t mind. Besides, 20 isn’t all that old anyway, but even if you were 45 I‘d say the same. My two (rambling) cents. Love comes to you if you put yourself out there and allow it. First you have to be brave enough to just do your thing and share yourself, then you get to realize that there was really nothing to be afraid of.