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Am I Undeserving Of A Honeymoon?

I was married in Oct 2008 and I did not have a Honeymoon. My husband never talked about it before and after we got married. I assumed the problem was money. I knew he had some kind of extra money, not much, but he wanted it for other purpose and I respected his decision.

Few months after we got married, my father had to do a major heart surgery, it cost a bomb to my family. I had three brothers and somehow they got that settled. However, it gave me a good reason to tell those around me why I did not go on a honeymoon. In reality I knew it was because my husband never planned one and it was never going to happen for me.

Now, 4th year into my marriage and 2 kids, I still have not got the honeymoon and my husband was all mum about it. Sometimes he would mention it like when in future the kids are bigger and when we are easier financially then we could maybe go on a vacation, no details, nothing fixed whatsoever.

I am a fulltime mom taking care of both the kids all on my own. My kids are 3 years old and 9 months old, both boys. Being a full time mom is 24/7 job. There were days when I was sick and still had to take care of the boys all alone. Sometimes I feel like I am on a verge of becoming insane. 80% of my friends who are married have no kids and they are travelling the world like nobody's business. Whenever we meet, I would just tell them not to have kids and just enjoy the world to themselves, do not end up like me.

Now I feel like I have nothing. If without kids, I could work and have an income of my own then I will be free to go on vacation on my own expense. I do not have to wait for my husband for it to happen for me. In fact, if you do not go on a vacation as newly weds, can you still call it a HONEYMOON? Like if you are still waiting for your husband to bring you on a vacation after 10 years, can it be called as a Honeymoon trip?

The only explanation I have for myself, for not having a honeymoon trip, is that I do not deserve it. Maybe that's what my husband thinks. He did not have to give me a honeymoon, I am still married to him, gave birth to 2 cute boys, been thru thick and thin with him, been standing by him all these years. So why take the trouble?

Now I just do not mention it any more. Not a word on honeymoon. I resent him because of it. Maybe he knows, maybe he doesn't know, maybe he doesn't care. Speaking of it won't change anything. If he had it in mind, if he wanted it, he would have made it happen long time ago, despite all else that happened or didn't happen. I won't find excuses for him or for me to make myself feel better or just to deceive myself. For a 30+ year-old adult man who has stable income all along, when he did not do something, that's because he did not want to do it. Not because he did not have the time, money or energy, or whatever it is. In short, because he thinks his wife did not deserve to have a honeymoon. That explains everything.
eolhc eolhc 31-35 2 Responses Jan 3, 2013

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clueless is not his excuse. oblivious...maybe. If he really doesnt wwant to take the time,money, and effort to give you one, id resent him too. ask him why? and if its in the future, when? where? "take action like you mean it, otherwise your words mean nothing." Ive been with my bf for 7 years and we have gotten married, never talked about a wedding, and a honeymoon is not even in the picture. Now that im pregnant, it aint gonna happen. why? im already pregnant. Whats thee point of marriage when were already together? so i resent him sometimes, hes oblivious and ill bring it up alot and he has excuses. broken promises and reasons why he has done anything. you deserve it!!! Getyour honeymoon!! do it for me!

I'm sorry you never got your honeymoon. Trust me, I fully understand where you're coming from in a way. My man and I have never legally married but have been together for almost 17 years now....I never got the wedding or honeymoon experience and I have gone 16 years with no anniversary celebrations either. At times I feel a bit cheated and bitter, but at the same time I don't think men really think about those things like we do. I don't believe it's because my man feels I am undeserving, it's just that he doesn't see it the same way I do. Maybe if you talk to your husband and explain how important it is to you....? Best of luck and hope you get that honeymoon soon.