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Why Am I Like This?

I'm introverted, but not shy. That means that I need more personal time to recharge more than most people, but when I am with people I am just fine. However, when I'm trying to talk to new people, I simply have nothing to say to them. I want so badly to meet new girls, but it's so hard when you have nothing to say to them. I can't think of anything to ask them either... "hey, some weather huh...?" wow so interesting I'm sure the relationship will just blossom from there. Today in english I spoke to this one girl who's pretty cute. I asked her name and gave her mine. She said "nice to meet you". After that I just made a comment on the teacher and then turned around with nothing else to say. God, is that really the best I can think of...? I get jealous whenever I see a guy and a girl just talking. All I can think of is "damn, how can they be talking for so long and seem so into it, I couldn't do that in 1,000 years".
I think after some deep soul searching I've come to the conclusion that I just don't care much about other people, that that is the underlying problem. I just might be self centered and not realize it. Maybe I'm not asking better questions because I don't care what the answer would be. How do I care more? It all comes down to me wanted more relationships with people, girls especially. I fail at such a basic part of relationships, which causes me to be more lonely and bitter towards people who can talk so freely and happily.
dubweiser dubweiser 19-21, M 33 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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if u have information about anything then u will start talking by yourself!

But look how easily you type and say things. Maybe it's because you need to find more interests that your passionate about. Your not selfish, your probably all good listeners. You don't hog the conversation, that's selfishness and not caring about what the other person has done or has to say. But if you want to communicate, then you have to have something TO communicate. Most conversations start off as general 'chit chat' about what you've been doing on a friday night, and then the conversation moves up to a new level, when you point out how you did something similar etc: this is called making a new 'thread' and the more 'threads' (different topics) you have spoken about, the more things you have to fall back on when the conversation starts dying.... So like, if i were to meet someone in a park, and she was walking a puppy, i could ask her what the time was, then say "hey thats a cute dog"/ then she'll talk, and i'll use an open ended question. not a closed question. But just keep the conversation light. and leave when you genuinely feel it's natural to... But now, if you see that person again, you'll know who they are, and trust me on this, you'll both feel easier about talking now, because you have gone through something called a 'time shift' it's not supernatural though lol.<br />
Then the next thing you should work on is your self esteem, but you'll be building this up with the little convo's you do throughout the day anyway. Remember that naturally confident speakers LISTEN to the other person, not themselves thinking what they have to say. So just have more faith in yourself that you'll know what to say when they've stopped talking. Why do you think comedians have such brilliant timing? it's because they're so spontaneous, and that can only be developed through practice.<br />
<br />
also remember that honesty is the best policy, i would say that phrase is overrated but it's clearly not. That's where your core passion lies. if you can't be exactly honest, then your bending the truth and what passion you have. seriously, the more honest you are the more people respect you/they may disagree, but you get respect and people will want to listen.<br />
<br />
* Practice mindfulness meditation (to get into the moment and listen to the words people say)<br />
* Start convo's with people you kind of know, just say 'alright, hows it going?' (let yourself be a crash test dummy, and hit rock bottom so you know it's not as bad as you think, you'll discover your social skills are better than you thought anyway)<br />
* Choose, who YOU want to associate with. (people with common interests)<br />
* enjoy the moment. make yourself feel warm hearted before you speak

I'm so glad I don't have to write my life experiences here, because everyone has already described it. I've recently looked up Autism and jordgubb mentioned it earlier, Aspergers Syndrome is most likely what we have, just look it up and you'll read exactly the same experiences we have, being expressed on Aspergers websites. There are therapies they say that can help to deal with it, I'm trying to get a professional diagnosis, so I can get this therapy, just hate thinking of myself as disabled, but it is a disability, because we can't control it..... yet

Hey, amIAspie :)
I was pretty much 100% sure I had mild aspergers..
The problem is, aspergers has so many overlapping symptoms with other conditions, it's very hard to say just by reading through articles.... Do you get a "perfect" match with the aspergers criteria or is it just the social bit you relate to?
Maybe you have it, maybe you don't.. (I know, duh;)

I have talked to two friends of mine in particular, one a doctor, the other a guy works with youths, a few of them are aspies.... Both of these friends of mine obviously know me and just declare with ease that I do not have aspergers, that I don't really fit the description..

However...
I finally went to see the doc about this, and he passed me on to a psychologist who deals with ppl with anxiety... I got diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, a little match on depentend personality disorder and social phobia.. Therapy will start sometime in september. I will give some review to that here after I've done it for some time. :)

I'm still sure it's something more though. Indeed, when we are like we are, you get anxious in social situations... But it's gotta be more, is what I'm thinking. It's like I have problems absorbing general information, making new ideas about them etc.. So I'm leaning on something like a learning disability or something... It just has to be something more, not solely an anxiety issue. The anxiety came after, as a consequense of the poor social ability.

Anyway, I can only advice anyone in here reading this and relating to it to go see your doctor, tell him/her how your situation is, and go the course you are adviced. Maybe, just MAYBE, your situation will find some resolve in the end. It doesn't hurt trying, right?

But enough rambling, good luck, amIAspie, and all you guys, I'm grateful for all of you sharing your experience!

bro only talk to them when you have something to say

Ok I've been through most of the comments and like you I can relate. I am typing this on my HTC phone in my University library. Whenever I look up I feel self conscious. Try it. When you are outside with others are there or potentially where someone can see you, do your eyes go a bit unfocused and your thinking totally blank? It's interesting that many here call themselves good or average looking. This shows you are very concerned about your looks. Yet if you heard two girls talking about how they look in the mirror everyday you won't think that that is what you do too. This is called sharing experiences of life. I think that 7 and I mean all the so called social freaks that we call ourselves, have made life o much more complex than it is. Any of you seen yourself as a celebrity in the future, maybe thought about you as an actor, singer, President, businesaman? This is all relevant. We have become extremely confused about who we are, why we are here, this leads to suicidal thoughts. There is a thing called society.and a thing called norms. Ever feel that you are not in control of yourself? Perhaps walking along the pavement or whenever you step outside suddenly you feel you are being watched. Stop. Look around you, you see no one watching you yet you STILL feel you are being watched. You are watching ourself. This is all from my own experience by the way, i have self examined myself and others to a ridiculous degree. Perhaps you have too.

So now what? Well, a lot of things may be the cause of our self imposed dissociation from society. Our sexual desires. We have to be in control of them. As men, we can go on our laptops and watch **** every day thinking that is reality. That people ********** privately. That everyone has a secret side. That everyone outside is faking it just like us. Wrong. This is the wrong concept of society. I have thought the most evil disgusting sexual thoughts to people, in fact I enjoyed ************ to fantasies in my mind that I was having sex with girls on the bus I used to get to school. As I became more isolated over the years I did disgusting acts to myself. But disgusting to who? Not to me. And there's the problem. We think things which are not normal as being normal. We question norms. We wish that we lived in a dystopia where we could have sex with women girls etc whenever we want. This is how we view females. Then we also start getting distorted views on other men. We question our sexuality. We fantasize at getting raped and giving oral sex to men. Stop. If you think I am going way off you are wrong. If we are going to work this out we have to go to the core. We must lay down the norms and expose ourselves to each other as we have thought of ourselves in private. We must here on this forum now relate to each other AS WE RELATE TO OURSELVES IN PRIVATE. It is the only way. It is interesting and also quite weird that it comes down to our thoughts. Thoughts that we think in private are not the same as those we think in public. Why? Well, we can allow ourselves to think disgusting things outside but we know inside that this isnt the norm. We shouldnt be thinking like this. Its not right? Am I getting through to anyone? We want to change society, change norms, forget God. Forget goodness. But desperately we want to at the same time fit in with society. But it is ultimately impossible to operate in a normal relaxed in tune with ourselves attitude or persona i.e. how you are at home by yourself or in the car with someone who knows you ex exceptionally well and you can be yourself etc. for me it's my mum.

... when we have two realities in our heads. Private and ypublic and we feel as if others outside know our thoughts or something. No, the problem, I can assure you as I can assure myself and by writing this I am actually helping myself as well, totally internal. Look, I am after writing this really going to try and be myself. All this internal confusion I believe has stopped me from being able to work properly. I am a law student, yet I feel unable to do work. I keep getting distracted away from work to a ridiculous degree. I feel listening to trance music without and speaking or ads really helps me. Be yourself is the most ridiculously simple thing to say yet the absolute most difficult thing to implement! We hate it when people say it as advice because we feel like what stupid obvious advice (this is the critical view) but inside we know it is the best advice ever. If only we could be ourselves, if only. I think it is so good and we should recognise this that everyone posting here wants to change. We want to be the good part of ourselves. Well I am going to do an experiment. I am going to totally avoid all evil things and thoughts and only going to think nice things of people. Basically I am going to stop being critical of others. And I will report back soon to see if I feel changed. To let you know also, I have been to the doctors and told them I want to kill myself. I have been given Citalopram. But I am not satisfied. I know I can be normal! I CAN have conversations with others. I do some buying and selling and when I meet strangers I find myself very confident and able to negotiate like nothing can stop me! We have to accept that we have murdered our minds. If only we could have one single constant personality? We have to believe that we do. We have personality. But don't let this trouble you if you think you are somehow lacking in character. Don't disregard anything I have said in my previous 2 posts as if you can focus on only one aspect and try changing only that part. Doomed to failure. Ive been as open as I can. The only reason you wont try to change your perspective is if you believe there are other inherent problems you have about you acting like a rock pinning you to where you are to the ground. Perhaps you think your face looks weird. Let me tell you something else that has bothered me for years. First, I have a weirdly shaped nose. It goes straight then up at the end. Ive heard some people remark on it, very very rare. But it plays on your mind. You have thought about it so much that you become extremely aware of other people. Unnaturally and unhealthily aware. Another thing about my face is that it is asymmetrical. One side has wider cheekbones thinner nostril more sticking out ear than the other thinner wider nostril stick in ear. It is this aspect of my face and my body that I have spent so much time hundreds of hours looking intently at both sides cumulatively in front of the mirror that has a knock on effect when you are outside or with other people who are talking. I could go on. Now this is something I know I have to get over. I have totally rejected myself even though it is me I am rejecting! Me! How can I reject myself? I am not going to start talking about spiritual issues but I can assure you all of this has contributed to myself having very very very different personalities. Many times I have no idea how to behave. We have made ourselves inward due to us thinking there are things we just cannot get over. Oh my, look at that disgusting creature in the mirror, take a picture of ourselves at different angles, find a good one, one your critical eyes can just about accept, then go outside or operate your life with thatin mind. Rubbish. Yet it is something I have done again and again. Well, I am so glad I came across this forum because I typed in Google "I dont know why I cant speak to people I am with" after I had finished going to some music practice with other people in a big Church I have recently started attending, and I feel very awkward with them, so at the end I just made myself awkward even though I wish I could have just acted more mature. I dont seem to understand the impact and effect my words face and conduct is having on people. Fake smiles wont help. Self help books wont help. We need each other guys and maybe girls. But this is mostly for us men around the same age as well interestingly. I am 19. Never thought I would be like this ever. So I am going to start attacking the root cause of my problem. Guilt and terrible self-image. And whatever things make an impact to you, could be so minor as I read a girl's post here saying she was so bored of listening to irrelevant conversations. Well how do you know that person hasnt gone through what you have. A really interesting thing I sometimes thing about and will share with you before I go is, what would you do if you had a conversation with someone else or just started one, just approached them for a reason or inadvertently and that person was exactly like you but you would not know it? You both would be having the same thoughts, how should I respond, do I look or appear awkward etc.? Yet YOU BOTH WOULD ACCEPT EACH OTHER AS NORMAL BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST FAKING THE OUTSIDE BUT THINKING THIS PERSON IS NORMAL BECAUSE EVERYONE APART FROM YOU IS SOMEHOW NORMAL! Sorry for the caps, I just feel happy when I know what I am saying is so true and relevant. It is only from you knowing who you are that you can now begin to be humorous - only if you are comfortable with yourself. Only if you are saying things that matter to you. What matters to you? Now relate to my older 2nd post to see how to think and how to behave. As I go I want to encourage you please. Look, I see myself as a total freak most of the time, yet as you read this or things that relate to you you feel normal? Thus normality stems from self belief. Say something intelligent to your brain. Does it make sense? YOU have to make sense of things around you.I really hope I have helped people in a similar position to me. I must get on with my work now. You don't need to message me for more help. Trust me, I still will walk out of this library thinking what others are thinking of me, but I will do my utmost best to constrain those thoughts and think what really matters to me. Family, my work. Forget what an utter fool you have made of yourself before, start again. You have infinite chances before you die. Will post back in a week or so. Bye.

So now what? Well, a lot of things may be the cause of our self imposed dissociation from society. Our sexual desires. We have to be in control of them. As men, we can go on our laptops and watch **** every day thinking that is reality. That people ********** privately. That everyone has a secret side. That everyone outside is faking it just like us. Wrong. This is the wrong concept of society. I have thought the most evil disgusting sexual thoughts to people, in fact I enjoyed ************ to fantasies in my mind that I was having sex with girls on the bus I used to get to school. As I became more isolated over the years I did disgusting acts to myself. But disgusting to who? Not to me. And there's the problem. We think things which are not normal as being normal. We question norms. We wish that we lived in a dystopia where we could have sex with women girls etc whenever we want. This is how we view females. Then we also start getting distorted views on other men. We question our sexuality. We fantasize at getting raped and giving oral sex to men. Stop. If you think I am going way off you are wrong. If we are going to work this out we have to go to the core. We must lay down the norms and expose ourselves to each other as we have thought of ourselves in private. We must here on this forum now relate to each other AS WE RELATE TO OURSELVES IN PRIVATE. It is the only way. It is interesting and also quite weird that it comes down to our thoughts. Thoughts that we think in private are not the same as those we think in public. Why? Well, we can allow ourselves to think disgusting things outside but we know inside that this isnt the norm. We shouldnt be thinking like this. Its not right? Am I getting through to anyone? We want to change society, change norms, forget God. Forget goodness. But desperately we want to at the same time fit in with society. But it is ultimately impossible to operate in a normal relaxed in tune with ourselves attitude or persona i.e. how you are at home by yourself or in the car with someone who knows you ex exceptionally well and you can be yourself etc. for me it's my mum.

Ok I've been through most of the comments and like you I can relate. I am typing this on my HTC phone in my University library. Whenever I look up I feel self conscious. Try it. When you are outside with others are there or potentially where someone can see you, do your eyes go a bit unfocused and your thinking totally blank? It's interesting that many here call themselves good or average looking. This shows you are very concerned about your looks. Yet if you heard two girls talking about how they look in the mirror everyday you won't think that that is what you do too. This is called sharing experiences of life. I think that 7 and I mean all the so called social freaks that we call ourselves, have made life o much more complex than it is. Any of you seen yourself as a celebrity in the future, maybe thought about you as an actor, singer, President, businesaman? This is all relevant. We have become extremely confused about who we are, why we are here, this leads to suicidal thoughts. There is a thing called society.and a thing called norms. Ever feel that you are not in control of yourself? Perhaps walking along the pavement or whenever you step outside suddenly you feel you are being watched. Stop. Look around you, you see no one watching you yet you STILL feel you are being watched. You are watching ourself. This is all from my own experience by the way, i have self examined myself and others to a ridiculous degree. Perhaps you have too.

Hey Guys, if you want a solution, so here it is. im from Russia and i spent my whole life in the house because my mom wanted me to be a doctor and i was never allowed to go out im 23 yr's old no.<br />
I use to be the SAME way very awkward and i kept my head down all the time so when i i have to answer someones question i don't make an eye contact with them, and that was when i was confident, other times i would just keept on walking full of fear.<br />
And i have to say, if it wasn't for this guy that i met in School named Rushan, i would probably be writing this from my moms ba<x>sement. What happened was, 3 weeks later on my birthday he took me out, and before we walked in the club he said to me "This is YOUR night , from now on you are the only person that can change your future, You will not see this people again in your life so live out your dream and have fun because you only get to live it once, don't worry what people would think about you." that was a moment that changed my life, now 4 years later after watching tons of comedy shows comedy sketches. And memorizing movie quotes (THAT helps allot because you not just working your brain to be smarter, you also have an ability to pull that joke out or sentence and make a crowd laugh) How DO you think funny people are so funny? listen to what they say.<br />
I guess i will stop on this note, and btw i am sorry i'm still struggling with English.<br />
REMEMBER this "For me, it was when I stopped worrying about how other people saw me that I finally started to look better"

Alas, I am not the only self centred, socially awkward person out there. <br />
<br />
I am however a 23 year old female, and the majority of females I know and have observed, come pre programmed with the ability to flirt and start conversations up with ease. I can't flirt if my life depended on it. I bet i can make the most friendly and out spoken person feel awkward in my presence. <br />
<br />
When I'm in the company of my friends, all is fine. Conversation flows and even loud and quite the joker.. but when it's acquaintances and people I just meet.. I have nothing to say to them. <br />
<br />
Oh I try.. I tried last night in fact when i was introduced to a friend of a friend.. a very friendly girl.. she was bubbling away and i was just smiling and nodding.. just to make it seem like i was listening.. and the whole time i was thinking ' when would it be appropriate for me to walk away, because honest to god, i dont care what she is yapping on about' <br />
<br />
After alot of thought.. ive come up with the following factors...<br />
- My mind goes blank. I will talk about the weather. and then ask how your day is. then the conversation is done.<br />
- I don't feel the need to share unnecessary information about myself. A girl i know who can talk to anyone, starts conversations by talking about herself. eg. 'i lost my car keys today.. or My mum thinks our dog is gay.' I dont like listening to people ramble on so in turn i dont ramble on about crap.<br />
- I don't like to bit.ch about others or judge someone that i don't know. and for people my age, thats basically all they seem to talk about these days.. if its not about materialistic things then its bi.tching.<br />
- I dont care. I really don't care that you made a doctors appointment and had to cancel it and then reschedule it but then it was the doctor and now you have to book again and that will take forever. blah blah blha. get my drift?<br />
<br />
I havent figured out how to care more.. but in the meantime im just going to ' fake it until you make it' just to not come across as a 'rude, snobby, self centred stuck up b*tch'<br />
<br />
I'll try and be that bubbly girl that talks about useless things.. and i'll smile and nod, and make it seem like I really care what people are talking about. and if all else fails. ill just look the person in the eye and say look. im really socially awakward and my mind goes blank when people talk to me. so please dont see it as coming across as rude..<br />
<br />
honestly guys, if i met any of you at a bar.. and we went through the pleasantries.. and then comes the inevitable awkward silence.. just turn to me and say 'you know im not really good with small talk and all that, so please dont take it as a sign that im being rude' <br />
i would be more than happy.. we having something in common that we can actually talk about and really care about!

I'm so glad I don't have to write my life experiences here, because everyone has already described it. I've recently looked up Autism and jordgubb mentioned it earlier, Aspergers Syndrome is most likely what we have, just look it up and you'll read exactly the same experiences we have, being expressed on Aspergers websites. There are therapies they say that can help to deal with it, I'm trying to get a professional diagnosis, so I can get this therapy, just hate thinking of myself as disabled, but it is a disability, because we can't control it..... yet

Yeah Guys! Me too! (Were there even any females in there?) We are all the same. Introverts? Social Anxiety? Selfish and self-centered? Aloof?<br />
<br />
It's probably social anxiety at core.<br />
<br />
But we won't seek help, because we don't trust anyone, especially no doctors and crooks trying to sell us their books and programs and meds.<br />
<br />
But we know things don't magically change themselves either...<br />
<br />
Good luck, Fellas!

hey am fuc333ed up//....

ive just read all the comments and im the same as all of you, i keep getting told by girls that im an attractive guy but i just dont talk. for some reason my heart beats really fast i get twitches and i stutter. i cant look these people in the eye. i could only talk to close friends and be myself but not to anyone i dont know well. my mind just goes blank and i cant think of anything to say. my freinds all say i just have to grow some balls and talk to them but none of them have any idea how hard it is for me and ive tried so many times. the doctor told me i have social anxiety and im going to be doing conjunctive or something like that therapy. i want to get over this thing so bad, its stopped me from getting so much freinds, made school a living hell for me with people picking on me, stopped me having a girl that likes me, its even made the relationships with my family awkward and weird. i get so jelous of my freinds and how they could talk to people so easily, and the fact they go on about all these girls that like them when i aint got any. if anyone knows how to get over it please give me advice thankyou

ive just read all the comments and im the same as all of you, i keep getting told by girls that im an attractive guy but i just dont talk. for some reason my heart beats really fast i get twitches and i stutter. i cant look these people in the eye. i could only talk to close friends and be myself but not to anyone i dont know well. my mind just goes blank and i cant think of anything to say. my freinds all say i just have to grow some balls and talk to them but none of them have any idea how hard it is for me and ive tried so many times. the doctor told me i have social anxiety and im going to be doing conjunctive or something like that therapy. i want to get over this thing so bad, its stopped me from getting so much freinds, made school a living hell for me with people picking on me, stopped me having a girl that likes me, its even made the relationships with my family awkward and weird. i get so jelous of my freinds and how they could talk to people so easily, and the fact they go on about all these girls that like them when i aint got any. if anyone knows how to get over it please give me advice thankyou

Wow. I feel the same exact way as atalantawon. I have felt this way my whole life. i think it is because I am the youngest in a family of very extroverted personalities. I never had the opportunity to talk or say what was on my mind because my family was too busy competing for their own "talk time". I just sat there and listened to them. I still do this when we have family get togethers, and i still feel like the "baby" although I am 30. Now it 's just part of who I am. It is very frustrating. Most people seem like they have all these interesting things to say. I never contribute much to a conversation except to acknowledge what the other person is saying and maybe add a few more sentences. It is worse when I am around another quiet person...then it's just awkward! ugh. i feel so defective and stupid. it makes me have low self confidence and strains my relationships and it also makes it difficult for me to make new friends. Like others who have posted, I am smart and not bad looking at all. In fact, people just tell me I am pretty and sweet. I am sure they would like to add "boring" to that desc<x>ription. This problem also affects my ability to progress at work because I am so scared to ever voice anything because it may sound stupid or wrong. I hate this. I wish i didn't care so much what other people thought of me.

I'm so glad I don't have to write my life experiences here, because everyone has already described it. I've recently looked up Autism and jordgubb mentioned it earlier, Aspergers Syndrome is most likely what we have, just look it up and you'll read exactly the same experiences we have, being expressed on Aspergers websites. There are therapies they say that can help to deal with it, I'm trying to get a professional diagnosis, so I can get this therapy, just hate thinking of myself as disabled, but it is a disability, because we can't control it..... yet

I just feel like I don't have anything interesting to say most of the time, in conversation or online. I don't care for small talk and I'm not the best at it, but I realize it can be useful and sometimes necessary to get to know someone... which makes me even more frustrated. I don't want to be someone who talks but says nothing. my mind does go blank. I usually feel like more of an observer. that can feel lonely, but usually I enjoy it. I just don't want to make the people I'm with feel uncomfortable because I'm not talking to them (and that feels really awkward). <br />
and sometimes it does get to me and I feel worthless and mindless because I can't think of things to say, or because I just don't think quickly most of the time. but I know I'm not worthless or mindless, I do have thoughts and opinions on things, and I feel strongly about that. but a lot of times I feel like I can't prove my worth. then I feel helpless. and that makes me angry. I have wondered if it would be easier to be mute, but that's probably a terrible thing to think. in the end, I just feel stuck.

Hey, just wondering if anyone has had any luck overcoming any of these social problems? I'm in my 30s now and I've suffered with them all my life and I feel constant despair..I also resent other people when I see or hear them having a conversation without any effort. It really upsets me that most people have this natural ability to communicate and i don't and it's so hard to explain to anybody without being brushed off as being shy or having low self esteem. Yes these things are true but only because I feel like a social retard. I quit school early because if it & then quit the only job I ever had which lasted a few months for the same reason so I have no education or qualifications & I can barely even bring myself to leave the house anymore, I find it hard to actually think of a reason to go on living..I have the added misfortune of being ugly & please take my word for that everyone & don't tell me it's what's on the inside that counts as I'm just as ugly in there as on the outside so hearing that makes me feel worse. I just never have anything to say to anyone, I've never had any friends & I just come across like a freak when I try and forse myself to mix with anyone..Is there any help that doesn't cost money as I have never come across any.

I am also in my 30's now and am struggling with social anxiety that seems to get worse every year. I'm fine with people that I know, but absolutely dreadful with meeting new people which happens a lot in my line of work. I've started volunteering to practice breaking the ice with people who are nicer on average than others (bigger hearts). You might want to check out a local chapter of Toastmasters. I'm going to my first meeting on Friday. Trying to do everything possible before going to therapy. We'll see how it goes.

Wow, I'm amazed to find someone with the exact same feeling and even more amazed to find other people posting how amazed they are that they found someone feeling the same thing they are. I've been experiencing the same kind of stuff you have. Ive always been a shy introverted person, I always put it down to being an only child, a loner. I've always had a group of good friends to be with who all give me awesome comments about my personality and ever now and then I meet people who comment on me as being cute, funny and great to be around. The only thing is I don't and can't act like I do around those people to everyone. I go to uni and sit up the back in the corner and watch all these people having fun and I'm sitting there with no ex<x>pression feeling like I'm a boring **** person. I'm kind of reluctant to make an effort with people and when I push myself into doing so it ends up being awkward cause I never think of anything interesting to say. I moved cities about 4 years ago and I still don't have a group of friends that I chill with. Getting sick of this loneliness and social awkwardness, cause I know I'm better than this.

I come from a family of 12 and I'm even worse than you so I don't think being an only child has anything to do with it.. I actually envy you as I'm far worse:)

I totally get what you're all talking about..<br />
I've been like this since I was a kid. I looked, especially, to ppl older than me, observing how they all could make conversation with ease.. My conclusion was: "Ok, so when I get a bit older, I'll have conversations too.."<br />
The delusion stayed with me for long.. It's only a few years ago before it dawned on me, that I'll never learn this, no matter how old I get and now I'm 27..<br />
<br />
My own talking has always been limited to spontanous, rather out of context "one liners", and seldom anything that lasts long enough to qualify as an ongoing conversation... It's awfull, meeting someone new, cause they think you're normal, and start talking you as if you were, right?... My own response is always reduced to something lame as just: "Yeah.." with maybe the addition of another affirmative sentence.. And then the conversation ends, cause I just havn't got a clue.. And ppl learn that's how I am, so there's no need to even try talking to me in the end.... It works both ways, also when I try to aproach others - you cannot NOT try, right?<br />
But still. It always boils down to just boring questions, as I've heard others with the same problem say it.. Nothing that connects.<br />
<br />
I'm wondering now whether this is due to something of a kind with autism or aspergers, or something like that. At least something inherent in the brain - cause I really can't see that this is anything that can relate to "help your self to get better".. If you're lame, you can't help your self to start walking, you simply have to deal with being lame..<br />
<br />
The reason it's a problem is the social isolation it leads to..<br />
I'm sick and tired of feeling a failure now, so better just stay home, right?<br />
sigh<br />
<br />
The best idea is to seek professional help, I suppose...<br />
Still, though, I havn't had the guts to consult a doc...

hey, everything you said I relate to and like you said if it is a dysfunction in the brain how can a doctor even help? I can't afford medical treatment anyway as I don't work &amp; I'm not on social welfare..let me know if you get any help, It's just so frustrating and lonely and I don't think normal people will ever understand it.

Hey, Antopo1:)
Just wanted to say that I'm undergoing therapy now, have been diagnosed with social phobia and avoidant personality disorder.. The therapy intends to help you think in a different pattern.. Up til now, I feel it helps me to relax more, loosen up alittle, and it makes things easier when relating to others...
But still.. I'm still not sure I'll ever be "normal".. Time will tell..
I'll get back to you if I notice any obvious improvement..!

Wow, I just read through all the comments and a lot of you sound like you are going through the exact same thing I am. But mine is a bit worse... Over the last eight months or so I seem to have developed a bad case of social anxiety. So bad that I only leave my house like once ever three or four weeks or when I have no choice but to do so. When I try to talk to people, my brain goes blank. And when I go out side I go into a cold sweat. In stores I sometimes have small panic attacks. I'm seeing a Dr. about it in two days. And I agree it's scary, very scary. If anybody comes up with anything I could try to calm myself down in public please post it for me as well as all the other people who have the same issues.

Weird, im 21 and ive been experiencing the same thing for a while now. I dont actually know when it started, i really couldnt even give you an estimate, give or take a year. But yeah, im really never in a bad mood, im a strong, tall, good looking guy and confident but it seems that i never really have anything to say. And its pretty much as simple as that. Like when I'm with my friends, we all talk, drink, smoke, carry on and have a good time but there are many moments where, to somebody else's viewpoint, it may seem that im sitting there not talking at all and they may think i might be mad or something. Which, I am not mad, i just dont have anything to say. Its gotten to the point where I've thought that me listening to other people and just observing is my life purpose or something. It doesnt really bum me out at all, just kinda freaks me out that everyone else on this thread is said exactly the same things im going through.

Hey!! Ermm, im 23 and in the same situation. AsRunningwings90 said... its scary how I've just read through this thread and read exactly what I'm going through too. How do you solve social anxiety? I literally shut down when talking to people and its only getting worse. I'm seriously thinking about getting some professional help but I dont know where to start? I just can't let it get any worse than it already is! But again, know that you are not alone in what you are going through.

its scary how much i relate to what ur going through. Im 20, "good looking", and have the exact same problem. Every symptom, i just dont have anything to say, nobody ever asks me what i'm up to, everything lol. I'm a loner to the heart but I do fine for the most part in social situations. But it's gotten to the point where i kinda don't like being a loner cause , well, it gets TOO lonely. Nobody has ever "disliked" me; i may not be the funniest cat but im def not the ******* of any group. But i feel like that comes back to bit me cause the ******** always get the results! I dunno man, i wish i had an answer, as i'm currently looking for one myself. Just letting you know you're not alone, if you find any suggestions let them known I'm here to listen. I'll be sure to do the same

well i dont know whats wrong with me, i get in these moods sometimes where i can barely crack a smile while other people ar e howling at jokes and stories, i know there funny and i wanna make that right comment to make to the joke continue but i draw blank everytime, like when im by myself i gettin ready or drivin home from work im singin to songs havin a good time i feel great but then i just cant seem to let loose and all i want to do is be more outgoing. i know i can be more outgoing but struggle so hard to say or do anything that adds to a conversation. i have this feeling that nobody ever cares what i have to say, nobody ever asks wut im up to, iv never done anything to come accross as an ***. i just wish i knew i could get past this worrying about saying the wrong thing or doing something that is too far off. Im an active guy play lots of sports well fit not an bad looking person im just wondering what kind of energy im giving off to people. deep down i know im an innocent good person just dont know if its getting out or not.... anybody relate to this or am i just fu#ked

yeah I relate but I'm even worse than you so I'm kinda jealous of u!! I find it so humilliating to be like this and the way people treat me as if I choose to be a social freak makes it even harder to deal with..I always had this fantasy in my head that some day in the future I'll have friends a job &amp; a normal life but now I've accepted that will never happen &amp; so every day I wake up &amp; feel despair.. I just feel so cheated, resentful &amp; depressed..don't wanna depress people but this is about sharing how we really feel so I'm just putting it out there..

im kinda similar to u in a way. i sometimes let myself get into moods where i can barely crack a smile also. i consider myself an introvert, but i know that deep inside im extraverted cuz all i wanna do is talk to people. the only thing is, whenever im around ppl, i just don't know what to say and even if i tihnk of something to say, i will never say it. i know i can be more outgoin, but i feel like im just drowning in my own thoughts all the time. also, i just dont care about wat other ppl have to say, most of the time. i feel like i worry alot and often get uncomfortable in social situations because i wanna say things, but i never say them in fear that ppl will just ignore me. even when i do say ****, i feel like people jsut ignore it anyways and that when that happens, i feel like an idiot. i am also in good shape and am very athletic for my size. i also consider myself a good looking person. as to what type of energy u give off, i have no idea wat that means. i dont think humans can sense energy, but i mean, wat do i know. im about to go see a therapist and see how i can fix this because i defintiley did not used to be like this. i think i just gotta get my esteem back up so that i will actually WANT to talk to people. this paragraph is really repetative, but i jsut dont feel like fixing it at all, so here u go

Hey DUBWEISER<br />
<br />
Bro i dont think you could have written that any more perfect then what i am going through as well it sucks! i think its even more pathetic for me because im a very good looking man, people have called me an underwear model, an other **** i can get alot of girls but i cant get alot of girls i cant get any at all because i cant even talk to them cause i dont know how to its horrible. I agree when you said u might be self centered without realizing it i do too. but i do know a cure for it wich im going to do because im not putting up with this bullshit for any longer, look up ***Dale Carnegie*** courses this course will solve your problems. my mother said she was the same way and Dale Carnegie saved her life pretty much if she didnt take it. i wouldnt be here cause she said she would have never gone on a second date with my father without it so thank god for it! im going to do it you should seriously look into it.... Hope all goes well God bless you!

Hey DUBWEISER<br />
<br />
Bro i dont think you could have written that any more perfect then what i am going through as well it sucks! i think its even more pathetic for me because im a very good looking man, people have called me an underwear model, an other **** i can get alot of girls but i cant get alot of girls i cant get any at all because i cant even talk to them cause i dont know how to its horrible. I agree when you said u might be self centered without realizing it i do too. but i do know a cure for it wich im going to do because im not putting up with this bullshit for any longer, look up ***Dale Carnegie*** courses this course will solve your problems. my mother said she was the same way and Dale Carnegie saved her life pretty much if she didnt take it. i wouldnt be here cause she said she would have never gone on a second date with my father without it so thank god for it! im going to do it you should seriously look into it.... Hope all goes well God bless you!

I know exactly what you're going through. I never have anything to say to anyone, including my friends, what few I tend to have.<br />
<br />
I don't know how people can text all day and all night long. I don't understand how anyone can sit at their computer and post on facebook for hours on end. It just isn't in my programming to talk for any amount of time.<br />
<br />
I'm not shy by any means. When I'm in a good mood, I'll strike up random conversation with people I see on the street, and it makes me happy whenever I get a good response and have a fun conversation.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, whenever I try and talk to anyone I think I might meet again, I simply freeze up mentally. Not out of any conscious fear, but simply because there's nothing going on in my head.<br />
<br />
My best friend in my best friend because he can talk incessantly, and thus can fill the hours of silence I leave for him, and I enjoy his company because I don't feel pressured to guide the conversation at all.<br />
<br />
I'm going in to see the doctor within the month to see about getting antidepressants -- I have clinical depression, chemical imbalance in the brain and all that. Hopefully they will at least help fix the problem. I'll be sure to ask him about social anxiety.<br />
<br />
I really hate to sound like a whiner. I never complain; it just goes against every fiber of my upbringing. But I needed to vent a little. So thanks OP for posting this thread! :)

wow....<br />
<br />
i have the exact same problem 0_o<br />
and thought the same thing..that i was just self centered...and maybe it is...or just not caring<br />
<br />
with my close friends evrything is ok.<br />
but with other ppl i dont know wut to talk about!<br />
my mind goes blank....<br />
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if u came to a conclussion let me know.xD!<br />
<br />
good luck

It's just hard to talk with anyone, it's even hard to live.