After 47 Years, I Have Found My Father
I am 46 years old, will be 47 next month. I have been divorced three times and now live with a wonderful man. I have four grown children; girl 25, boy 22, girl 20, girl 18 and two grandchildren; girl 5 and boy 2; with one more grandchild on the way in October 2008.
I have an older sister that is 58, an older sister that was 55 and passed away in 2005, an older brother that is 50. My sisters have the same dad, my brother had a dad - and I always thought he was my biological father, although I never knew him either. I have faint memories of a step father but they divorced when I was 8 and never saw him again. As far as I'm concerned, I never had a father. My mother passed away in 1980.
My mother and siblings all had dark hair and dark eyes, and then there was me, the little petite blonde girl with big blue eyes. At the age of 11 I asked my mom one day, why I looked so different. She told me the story of my dad. She was still married to my brother's father but they had separated. She met a young man at a bar and ensued a short relationship. When she was four months pregnant with me, she went back to her husband (my brother's father) and had me under his name. That was it. The story in a nutshell. She was able to give me his full name, tell me he had blue eyes and that I looked just like him. Told me he knew she was pregnant but never knew that I had been born, didn't know my name or even that I was a girl. Okay. I put that information away for years. Four days after I turned 19 my mother died from pancreatic cancer and I was left alone. Life had not been good to us. My mother was poor and unskilled, she cleaned houses and received welfare and tried to raise us kids. There were a lot of bad times, bad people, bad things, but we managed and I'm still here. After my mom died I moved in with my first husband, who was very abusive. I tried at the time to find my dad, but I had neither the resources or knowledge to even know how to begin, so it ended. I was with my first husband for almost 5 years, we had one child together, and we divorced. I met my second husband and we had 3 children together, we were married about 9 years. During that time, I tried once to find my father, with no luck. I married for the third time and that also ended in divorce in 2005. Now we are in the age of technology, I'm a grown woman, there are resources available, and I'm going to find my dad. A close friend was able to find a name, address and phone number of the person that most closely fit and so one day I called. A woman's voice answered and I asked to speak to DWR, giving his full name. She said she was sorry, I must have the wrong person as the middle name is different. I apologized and hung up. That was it. I wasn't ever going to try again. But I guess I'm not a quitter. So in April 2008 I began tracing my ancestry online. Of course I only had my mother's side of the family and it was very interesting to learn where I came from. But my dad's side was still missing. There is a lot of information on the internet and I began to search again. And there he was. The same person I had called in 2005. My search lead to one end, and he was it. So I thought, if I'm going to do this, let's do it right. I wrote a letter, explaining my situation and giving brief details. I didn't want to give too much information if this was the wrong person. I didn't want to overwhelm them. I had no idea what the outcome would be. I didn't even tell anyone, no one at all, that I sent the letter. I included pictures of myself, my kids and my grandkids. I sent the letter and forgot about it, thinking this too would be a dead end.
On April 23, 2008, I was at work and my phone rang. I answered it and there was this woman's voice and she began talking to me but everything just blurred together and I didn't understand and just what was going on who was this what is happening what is she saying..... And then it clicked. She was his wife, and they had received my letter and pictures, and he remembered my mom and her being pregnant and yes, I was his daughter. I WAS HIS DAUGHTER. I only remember alot of crying, and her talking to me and telling me things, and not being able to breathe! She gave me her email address and said to write and we hung up. I cried, I sobbed uncontrollably. I haven't cried like that in forever. So I sent an email to her, thanking her for her time, her acceptance, her tolerance, her openess, for everything. I had so expected to be turned away, to be rejected, and it wasn't happening like that at all. So her and I exchanged several emails, she told me about him, them, their family, his work, everything. I did have his middle name wrong - my mom had remembered it wrong. They have been married for 43 years and he adopted her two children but never had any of their own. In fact, he never had any other children. I am it. His only blood line. After about a week of emailing with her (I'm not using names at this point, I'm new here) he finally sent me an email himself. And then a couple days later, finally, after all these years, the phone call came. I heard his voice for the very first time in my whole life. And it is a strong voice, a solid voice that comes from a good man. She even told me in the first emails that he was a good man, always had been, worked hard, took care of her and the kids, they were lucky to have him. So during the phone call he asks if I ever make it out his way and I said sometimes, that we would be out that way next spring. He said that wasn't soon enough, he needed to come see me and meet me in person, I am his daughter afterall. Yep, more tears, I cried and cried. I couldn't believe this was all happening. It still isn't real to me. So that's been about 2 months ago and we email all the time. I'm learning all about him and he is learning about me. THIS IS A TOTALLY POSITIVE EXPERIENCE!!! It is everything I could have ever dreamed of, but never dared to. We have sent pictures back and forth and oh my! I do look like him. Just like him. I have his blue eyes, his cheek bones, his smile, his chin, everything! My mom was right, I did - I do, look just like him. I'm so excited I just want to shout from the rooftops, I want the world to know this is happening to me! I'm not alone, I'm not an orphan, I have a dad, I know where I come from - he's the Swiss part of me! They will be here in 10 days and for the first time in my life, I will get to look at my dad's face, I will get to hold his hand and have him hug me. A hug for a daughter, from a father.
I have so many emotions going on, all of them good. But so many thoughts race through my mind all the time now. All this emptiness is gone. Just like that, poof! and it's gone. I am filled with love, I am happy and content. I AM HIS DAUGHTER. And the funny thing is, it's like he was never gone. It feels like we just stepped into this point in time and nothing ever happened before it. Like he was always there. Of course he was always there, inside my heart, inside my head. I find it very easy to call him dad already, and we say I love you. He can't wait to get out here and be with me, with my family, his grandkids and great grandkids, HIS DAUGHTER.
I hear people talk about how angry they are and all the grudges they hold in a situation like this. I am not one of those people. I just don't have it in me. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know of me. My mom was in a bad situation and only did what she felt was best. I try my hardest to never judge someone's choices in life because I didn't have to live in their shoes. I think he was worried about that and I have reassured him, I'm not looking for answers to the past, I don't care what happened 20, 30, 40 or 50 years ago. I'm interested in right now. This is what we have control over, is right now. And right now life is good.