In The End, He Was Just A Coward And A Jerk

My father was married with several kids, and cheated on his wife, not once -- but frequently enough to get my mom pregnant with both my sister and I in less than 2 years.

By the time I was born their relationship was over and he wanted nothing to do with us.

I never met my father during my entire childhood. For years, he was less than a 20 minute drive away, and he never called or asked about us, or visited. Eventually when I was a teenager I was curious about him, and I took the bus to his house and knocked on the door. When he realized it was me, he slammed the door and called the police. He told them I was making up a story about being his daughter, and I was arrested and taken to jail. So that was the first time I met him.

When I was 15 my mom died and I ended up living in group homes and foster homes, on the street, and eventually pulled myself out of the gutter and went to university. He paid the tuition, always late and always begrudgingly.

Later, in my 20's, I wanted to meet him, and eventually he agreed to come to meet me with a counselor once. During that visit a few things became clear. Having the chance to hear him discuss the situation made me want to barf. He said my mom was basically a gold digger and he told her to have an abortion and she wouldn't. Everything after that was none of his concern, he felt. He didn't care about having lied to the police and he didn't care that I had to live on the street and in hellish foster homes. He didn't care at all about everything I had to go through because he decided to reject his own kids completely.

Years passed without a phone call or any contact from him, and it was clear he wished I was either dead or never born, so I just left it alone. I have spent most Christmas and thanks givings, and all the usual family holidays alone for over 15 years.

When I was nearly 30, my sister called me and said she was going to meet our father and she wanted to know if I would come. I thought it was a bad idea so she went alone and they got along fabulously! We lived in poverty all our childhood, but for their reunion he hosted her at The Beverly Hills Hotel. This is where things started getting completely f*cked up.

He had paid some child support, but in general we were dirt poor. My shoes were always worn through with holes, and in the winter I had to put shopping bags inside my boots so my feet wouldn't get wet. I remember so many times being hungry, or cold, or both. He never showed up once to see if we were ok, and meanwhile he had been extraordinarily wealthy and living a luxurious life.

My sister and our estranged father became friends apparently, and eventually I agreed to meet him and his other children. He made an effort to be friendly to me and to apologize for his behavior in the past. Not for being an absent father or anything significant - just general apologetic.

Over the few conversations that followed, I started getting offended with the way he was treating me and what he would say. For example, he offered to introduce me to someone for advice about a mortgage, but he wanted me to say he was my uncle and I was his niece. He basically wanted me to continue to behave like the daughter of his mistress (by that time the mistress was dead 10 years and his wife left him 20 years prior). It was demeaning. He was never a father, and when he finally showed up he wanted me to pretend to be his niece?

I was going through a serious illness and I couldn't work, and he wasn't very interested in how I was supporting myself of if I needed help. At the same time he took every opportunity to flaunt and grandstand his wealth. His new wife's wedding ring is so expensive they don't sell them in Canada! He's shopping for a new airplane! His eldest daughter had a collection or horses! The little comments were just a reflection of his total lack of insight into the kind of life I've had to live. I didn't know how to pay for my prescriptions and he was talking about how he stays at the Intercontinental Hotel when he goes to the US for surgery.

So just when I thought this self torture, and trying to be a good sport about having been left in the gutter all my life... when I thought it was time to say **** this, he calls me and offers me a job. Not just any old job, but he was telling me that he thinks I'm smart and one day I could run his entire company. As sick as I was, I put on a suit and went and met the people who work for him. He offered me $90,000 as a starting salary and I wanted to cry because things had been so difficult up until then.

So I went home on clowd 9, thinking about my new job and that maybe finally my father is going to try to make things right after all that time. And it was a wonderful feeling. To have an opportunity, and to think that he respected me enough to give me a job.

A couple days later I got the email. It was sent from my father's secretary, saying that the job offer was cancelled because his first wife (whom he cheated on with my mom) didn't approve, and she is a director of the company so she can decide.

I was so shocked, and mad at myself for letting him do something like that, it triggered a huge depression. I stopped talking to him ever since then.

6 months passed and it was Christmas time again, and like usual I was alone, so I decided to google my sister and say merry Christmas. Well her LinkedIn profile pops up and guess where she's working? For my father, in the exact position he offered me and then rescinded.

Naturally this triggered another round of depression, so basically I've been all upset over this for 2 years now. I don't talk to my sister and I'm totally alone. When I go to the hospital I don't know who to give as an emergency contact.

A few months ago a 25 year old guy contacted me and said we're related. His name is Ryan and I think he's my brother. It wouldn't surprise me if I learned I have other siblings, and my father was just too much of a control freak than he never introduced us.

So in the end, he was a coward and a jerk, but that should have been clear all along - those are the only kind of guys who don't acknowledge their children.
ness2333 ness2333
26-30, F
Sep 18, 2012