I don't know much about him. People who were close to him said he loved me but he died before I ever had the chance to have a memory. I don't know what type of person he was what kind of things he liked or if he even thought of me before he took his last lethal dose of drugs and alcohol. He left me with a mother who couldn't stand to look at me the guy she married raped me when I was small raped my sister aka his daughter. My mother gave me away repeatedly and took me back. Her second husband beat us and beat her. I woke up to cops at my front door him and my mother missing only to find out he chased her through the woods trying to kill her. I spent sleepless nights in hotels wondering if he would find us and kill her this time. I think I love my father but to be honest I don't know. I find it hard not to think that if my father hadn't taken those drugs and drank that one time I would have had a " normal" childhood. In all reality maybe it would have been worse I would have had him to deal with a drunk druggie. I am so confused by all this. So much more has happened in my life too much to confess to on here. I wish I could wrap my head around it.
kdc119 kdc119
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 29, 2014

My heart hurts reading this post! You obviously have been dealt a shitload of **** in your life! I'm apologise to you on behalf of caring adults! the adults and people that were meant to protect you failed you! Please always remember that you didn't choose the horrible events that happened to you! You didn't have a choice then, but you do now! So grab the reigns and do whatever it takes to recover and heal! Ask for help, cry and talk till you can do no more of either... You obviously are intelligent, your writing displays over thinking and obvious confusion, please know that your feelings are so normal! Please also realise that no one can change how you feel with words or hugs or kindness! You will experience freedom from these feelings when you choose to! Getting to that point is your journey! Embrace yourself - love yourself and most importantly take it easy on yourself!