I've always been like this I think. I try to make the efforts to socialise,but at the same time I have this mistrusting element inside me that is wary of the users and the exclusive people in the cliques,so it kind of sets me apart from everyone else. Sometimes I'm not bothered by it,but on bad days,when I feel so alone,I can't help but long to be accepted. But then again,why would I want to be accepted by these sort of people? They're no different from me at all,they're humans like the rest of us who to decide to be somebody else because they aren't satisfied with themselves. I waited a long time to start sleeping with men,but I wasn't afraid to experiment,away from pressure. I wasn't pressurised into smoking,despite what my dad says,and even the guy I'm currently with right now is trying to stop me from smoking (I ended up lapsing the other day,but he knew that it was bad for me,but yet was puffing away happily on a cigarette himself). Some of the decisions I made I guess were to be accepted into a group but at the end of the day,I wasn't good enough for them. I do things for me now.