Cant Seem To Find Someone I Click With

Ive just recently became single . i always seem to fall into the relationships i really dont want  and cant find kind of girl that i really click with .
Everytime i talk to girl i like its frustrating because they seem to be never interested in me . I think it seems the more keen i am the less chance of getting what i want lol . which is frustrating . I dont think im ugly but theres quite hard when you dont get attention from opposite sex and you have no idea why .

I sometimes think i need to sort myself out before getting into relationship because at times i can be difficult to be around . i get anxious , really quiet and can be miserable . so maybe thats why , maybe im attracting the women that are having personal difficulties like me but im just not realising how much of an affect my anxiety etc gives off to other people . comments are welcome.
Johnny88 Johnny88 22-25, M 10 Responses May 22, 2010

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I'm the same with boys. I sometimes appear moody but in reality I'm just quiet and it takes me a long time to get to trust people. I think that once you find somebody who's right for you, you will feel comfortable in their presence and your fun side will come out without feeling or looking like you're acting.

# 1 : You are an attractive man. #2: You are quite young; don't rush yourself. #3: There are medications to help with anxiety and feeling low and miserable. Lots of people take anti-depressants and have the quality of their lives improved. If you feel better, it will show. I urge you to see your medical provider to get some help with this. #4: Once you are feeling happier with yourself and about your life you will be someone that others want to be around.

Good luck--- and remember not to take life too seriously-- after all, it's not a permanent condition. lol

lol Blonde Vixen!

You are a good looking guy. I think you just need to not worry so much. Sometimes that is easier said than done though; I am the champion worrier! Best of luck to you.

Phew!!! By the time id got to the bottom of the last comment id forgot what i wanted to say!!! Er..well you certainly arent ugly mate! I have a exellent taste and your avatar pic caught my beady cradle snatching eye immediately! I always think, when you are in a reationship you get the most attention ever! Dont know why it is, maybe you dont come across "needy"? i cant work it out! Whenever im in one im beating them off (not literally that could get me a record lol) when im single im like a repellant pml! If nobody will have ya ill take you lol.

Well my friend may I commiserate with you? I have a special personality. You know you either love me or you hate me. I feel like I've dated every girl in my area. LOL that's how I feel but the truth is I get about 1 to 4 dates a month. Usually my love interests just turn into friends. I don't know why. It's not like I want it to be this way. I feel a kinship with you. Your story was like how I feel about my own experience.

However I think I have a little different problem. I'm not shy or quiet. I'm over out going. I'm loud and brash and my sense of humor is a little cryptic and naughty. However, I can't seem to find "that special someone". It's ok. You get used to being single. In fact you get quite good at it. I can pick up girls it's keeping them that's the problem.

There is not formula for a girl. They all are different they all like different things. I find that I end up with girls that just want to be friends and if I do so sleep with them it's not because the want a "relationship" but a friendship with benefits. That's the kind of girl I tend to hook up with. Unfortunately I'm looking for one of those deep down look into my eyes and kiss me and tell me I'm special type relationships.

People, not just women are afraid of that. It used to be the norm. In the fifties you would give her your letter jacket than you might go see some drive through movies and she would hold your hand and put her head on her shoulders and look at yoiu lovingly and usually they had one or two partners before they settled down. Now people don't settle down. They just keep dating and dating and dating. Eventually you give up on the whole "special someone idea" it's almost become a myth.

I like that old fashion style if not the values the represent, and the world is changing. Be more open minded, go into these relationships not looking for love but looking for friendships. Just because your friends doesn't mean it can't build into more. And just because your friends doesn't mean you can't sleep with them. At least you can be with someone without having to be with someone until you meet someone. I know that sounds a little silly but it's modern. It's the way the game seems to be played these days. I don't like it myself but I see it and I accept it.

I'm not telling you to **** yourself around. Far be it.

When dating you can't settle. I myself am not religious, you wouldn't believe how many times my lack of faith has caused me a lack of girlfriend. It's crazy. What does my faith have anything to do with my ability to love and provide and all that Jazz?

I don't know. I'm just ranting at this point. The truth is you just need to get out there, figure out what works best for you. Don't be typical. That's all I have to say. Be funny. Don't use cheesy pick up lines unless they are really good. Tell jokes but don't tell crude jokes. I guess it all depends on the woman really. Remember women are people just like you and they have there deficiencies they have there emotional and personality problems just like you do. So next time your on a date and it's not going so well. Well, maybe it's not your fault. Maybe it's hers or maybe your just not right for each other.

I'm going to go with the whole male aspect. I'm not going to lie. Half the time I'm on a date I'm wondering how good she kisses what kind of underwear she's wearing and if I have a chance getting in bed with her. I don't think I'm a dog or a pig. I think that's why were all dating. That's really the one thing that drives all of society. Sex. Our innate drive to reproduce and as long as we have hormones and crazy labido's this isn't going to change. Some women are looking for that sensitive man and some are looking for that bad boy.

I read something in a book once that has landed me a few long time partners. It's all about how you talk to a person. When you tell a story for example you need to draw that person into your world. If you tell a story about something you have done make it descriptive and try to get them to use as many of there five senses as you can when telling the story. Try this. Man I just came back from Mexico! It was a blast. But it wasn't the partying I enjoyed most. It was the most beautiful place I've been in a long time. The SMELL of the ocean, sea salt mixed with fresh air and tropical fruits. Nothing smells like that. And the beautiful waves as they crash making loud roars like thunder. It was a site to behold and the sky was so blue and at night the sunset was the most beautiful orange and purple mixing together. The spray of the sea as it hit my face and cooled my body is so exhilarating to me. And the taste of Margaritas so sweet. I loved my vacation. Once you pull them into your story you start making eye contact. When you talk about what you see look in her eyes. When you talk about what you feel like the spray of the ocean touch her hand and when you talk about tasting the margarita's look at her lips.

Women are very sensual, remember this. When you tell a story using all of the senses you hopefully can put a picture in her head. In her brain she will actually experience the sights the sounds the touch the taste the feel. Your exciting the senses on a subconscious level and now that you have done that it's much easier to excite the senses on a physical level.

I know that sounds cheesy but trust me it's worked before. Doesn't work on everyone though but give it a shot. You might even want to make up a pre date story a story you know will be interesting not too risque and something that will touch the senses.

Another point I want to make is Listen. All you have to do is listen. If you tell a story about yourself don't keep telling story after story. Share your story and let her share hers. Or the other way around but listen. Don't interupt and not let her finish. Women like being the center of attention. Remember that.

Tease her a little if you feel comfortable but don't be mean. Don't ever mention a blemish on a girl. Don't ever point out a flaw.

On the first few dates don't mention marriage or kids.

Try not to bring up religion.

If you smoke pot or something let her confess if she does or not. Don't just go out and be like. I like to drink a lot. Or I'm such a pothead. The point is that those are considered flaws. Don't point out your flaws until the girl fully likes you and can be at a point where she can ask herself whether she can accept the flaw or not. People don't like to think they are going into a beginning relationship with a flawed person.

I dunno. Guess I do have a lot of advice. Too bad I don't usually follow this. I get nervous too.

Be persistent but don't stalk. If she doesn't show interest at first don't give up right away. Maybe she was having a bad day or week.

Oh yeah smileys. Text messeging is huge these days. Use lots of smileys and winks. In a text you can tell a girl her hair and eyes are sexy even if at the moment they are not. They can be made to feel sexy any time of day this way. LOL

Compliment the girls but don't be cheesy or downright lie. If a girl has a wonky eye or something, don't mention how pretty her eyes are move on to something she may like about herself and focus on that.

Ok I think I'm about done.

Hope this helps. From one single dude to another. P.S. I have been dating a special girl on and off for about a year now. We haven't slept together and I'm happy with that. She really wants too and I'm sure it will happen soon. You see love doesn't always happen all at once. Be patient and be persistent but most of all be yourself.

yeah thank you vessa , i see what your saying . i think i need to find a strong foundation in myself . i have become really serious over time . i have always had a serious side but now i seem to be serious about everything lol i did once have sense of humour but thats fading . i dont tthink its because im miserable although i can appear that way i think its because i have started an enquiry into who i am and the purpose of things . so i think i have lost alot of interest in most things i had interests in before and now im really focused yo,u could say obsessed, with finding out these things .

thanks , johnny

Oh.....and you are very young you know..... you have so much time to "find the right one". Try not to worry so much about it. Have fun while you can and find out what you want to do with your life. You sound very serious minded, which can serve you well- but you are also at that inbetween place where you will be creating the foundation for what will follow. Try not to overthink the women for now. There will be lots of time for that sort of thing.

: )

I think that, for the most part, women are very sensitive to how a man is feeling when he is with her. If you are unsmiling and pensive, in my experience, she is likely to feel that she is somehow responsible. That she is not interesting or entertaining enough to you. That you'd rather be with someone or somewhere else. I don't know what type of girl you are approaching in general. There are girls who are all about themselves and good times of course. But as I said, many are going to look to you to make them feel welcome. You can't do that if you are all internalized.

That being said, I don't think most mature females would expect you to be a "good time guy"....I never have really liked that type because it feels superficial to me. Since women usually care more about the relationship than partying, then showing your emotions can make her feel privileged, as long as you don't perseverate and make her feel depressed or helpless about your situation. If you let her know that you like her and are nervous as a result of that, then perhaps she can help you. But you will need to help yourself also. A relationship has to be give and take. She will need support and affection too.

I was 28 when I figured out who I was and what I wanted. Once that happened I could pick and choose and not have to settle for someone who would "do".

yeah i think your right maybe thats what it is i havent got that funness in me while am in this state and i think when you try to be fun when you in this state it just looks desperate and not natural . its difficult but its got my head clear on what it is :) thanks for that ! hope all is well for you