An Affair Is Knocking

Hi, I'm married for 4.5 years. I work in the same place than my husband, but se have our own teams. We have always been good and passionate with each other, I know he loves me, I love him. I would never hurt him.

For many reasons, we're made for each other. However, we got in this lack of flare for months now, we started doing things separately, going to different places, getting different friends. Most of our friends work with us too. I always thought we were a Pair of nerds crazy in love with each other.. But later, I started getting this dreams and thoughts about a guy I work with, even worse He works for me, and I have been training in one no one basis.
We always been flirty to each other but I never thought it would go any further

Until being at a birthday party without my husband, we are drinking and laughing, I'm having fun. Hanging with the guys. Then he whispers to my ears that he would be all over me if there weren't so many people around us..

We kept on drinking, flirting and laughing, I was flattered and I mean he is hot and popular. But he is also married, will be 10 years for him next month, they got two kids. One is only six months old. I knew that. I like him because of what he is in his family and work and for his friends and even then i really didn't thought it would go further.

We had a chance to talk before and learned that his wife was about to get a premature menopause after the last baby, that came up become we're in the same boat, my husband got diagnosed with low testosterone levels about two weeks which explains our dry spell, I guess..

That night my friend walked me to my car, he starts hugging me, feeling me kissing my neck, Asking me to just take that chance for us because we are in the same boat, because we understood each other, because we want it and we want each other.. We kissed, lots of passionate delicious kissed I haven't gotten in a while... I have been craving him for long time and now we are here. I am in his arms and it feels so good!

Then I start hearing this voice in my head, whispering the names of his kids, his wife, my husband! Everyone at work would know, I will be instantly the other woman, and many other names.

I let go of him, he keeps telling me about living with no regrets, about it is just between us..

But I couldn't do it. And I said good night.

The good news is that I won't see him til after memorial weekend as he should be in a plane to. Work training today.. When he comes ba I he won't be workIng for me anymore. In a prior moment of lucidity I proposed him for a promotion/transfer, deserved I of course.

The bad news he'd be sitting next to my husband! And I am still thinking about him. I find myself planning the perfect date. Got all this ideas about how to cheat without getting caught!

I don't trust myself anymore.. If I'm offered again, would I say no again?

34Confused 34Confused
31-35, F
4 Responses May 20, 2012

Yes, say NO. Say NO and get rid of that problem.

Hi, thanks for your comments. Really helps to hear it from other than the voices in my head.. <br />
<br />
I had to admit is hard to stop the flirting and the looks since we see each other every day... But, I am still standing. When he gets closer I just say:<br />
Bazinga ! Not gonna happen, stop asking..<br />
<br />
I think He knows I still want to, tho... So, I have starting self-satisfaction with improvements in that area.. If I dream about him, my husband is the one that gets it...<br />
<br />
Is it still cheating if you picture yourself with someone else?<br />
<br />
I feel still guilty at times, worried that either one of them could read my mind...<br />
<br />
Husband is getting better, we're going away for a full Las Vegas week for his birthday. Got tickets for Zumanity, Celine Dion and Phantom of the Opera... I know he's trying hard to reconnect, He has confessed it's libido is still low.. Sometimes I waking him up at night (while I'm dreaming for the other guy) and He goes for it but then later in the day He says it feels like a chore for him, not quite something He wanted as we used to at the beginning of our relationship... And I wonder if it is just the low testosterone or me thinking of someone else...<br />
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I'm sorry to hear about both your experiences, I am someone that believes that what happens it's always for a reason and even when we can't see the big picture, later in time we will see that we are where we are meant to be.<br />
<br />
I fell in love with my husband after moving 3,000 miles from home for the dream job. I left everything and everywhere behind then. I never felt I fit anywhere until i got my own apartment and it just got better when he was there, we have been together since. And he was always so sweet and hot at the same time. The one man that saw the woman beneath the professional engineer... The one that knew me better than myself..<br />
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I am not giving up to this temptation, not i will be part of the destruction of the other guy's family, whether he cares for them or not, He is a dad now. Just this Friday He kept on telling me how great we could be together and asking me out, then I remind him it was father day's weekend and his wife had this whole thing set for him to celebrate with both his daughter and son... His face changed... back to the sweet guy that is my friend... We really need to stay there. I don't even know if I get him started, I dress on Fire retarding overall clothes... is that hot??<br />
<br />
I celebrated my dad last week... And since we are not parents, maybe we'd just stay home watching a movies marathon.. because it's sad to go out on holidays you can't celebrate... I feel that way anyhow... what if I bump into him and his family?<br />
<br />
Now, I'm just blabbing... I do love this opportunity to put my thoughts somewhere. I want to one day meet his family and be able to look at them to the eyes. I'd like to know that He won't cheat to his wife anymore, but He said He's done twice before while He was traveling. He is so not the man I would engage to; and so, the man I'm attracted to.<br />
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Blah blah, God bless you both and give us the strength to live our lives without hurting the ones we care about.

Yes, say NO. Say NO and get rid of that problem.

This is a real issue. I have lived thru it but only from the other side. I was that guy who did not think past the immediate gratification and the sexual intrigue and excitement. Looking back at my experience, I have to tell you the cost is so much higher than you think. The damage is long lasting and far reaching. If you care to hear my opinion I suggest you find another way to meet this need. Marriage is tough but we do tough things all the time, find another way to engage your husband and another way to feel excited with or without your private parts being involved.

hi...i lost a 21 year marriage after something that started like this. my husband didnt know him, and things had been distant between me and husband for many long dry celibate years before i gave in to this person. SIX YEARS LATER and i see my sons about once every four months, i have a "okay" relationship with exhusband which i always feel horrible about how it turned out, and know, without a doubt, he will be alone the rest of his life. and the guy who i did this with? (left and lived with for a year and a half)....cheated on me MULTIPLE times and still wont leave my life. turns out, (found out a year into it) that he has a serious drug problem that he struggles with. I left, a very great man who loved me wholeheartedly even though he couldnt physically (very low testosterone levels) for a man with a serious drug problem and wound up with all my furniture, possessions and broke my heart, and is still trying to. has LOTS Of testosterone and shares that with anyone who will let him. I will likely be alone the rest of my life with this character bouncing in and out. i am in a type of hell because of it, and i feel i deserve it. <br />
I DONT KNOW what the solution is, i know it is lonely. i know this is a VERY tempting situation, but you sound smart. i was once too ...i thought....and you sound like a considerate, compassionate person who can see the side of view from the others as well. post menopausal, and labido comes back with hormone replacement therapy. we get attached to who we sleep with, and men often dont. there are a ton of 'what if ' scenerios to think about. If i were you, and i once was similar....and i was giving my past self advice on this...i would first scream "DONT!" in all seriousness....I WOULD ADVISE myself to PLEASE...BEFORE THIS HAPPENS....make an appointment with a therapist and talk to them about it. They arent just for crazy people. they can often help you make this kind of a decision in a way that you can live with later. they dont judge you. they listen. they often bring up things you didnt think about, and sometimes solutions too. but in looking back at my situation....i lost too much for what i got. for me, it wasnt worth it. everyone finds out eventually. i lost people i cant get back. it DOES change who you are. you may find yourself in a situation you really dont want to be in. the wife, would be devistated. (for one) even if she doesnt want to be involved with him physically NOW, that may change, and they are married. if you stepped in, she would lose his attention and no matter how you look at it, you would be the blame. if you say NO..he will likely still cheat with someone else. I dont know the people involved, and theres soooo many ethical issues around it. i just want to say, to you....that if i could go back in time and change events, i would. i genuinely regret my thoughts and actions. I lost daily interaction with my beautiful sons who are now adults. i cant get that time back. I lost the only man who will ever me as much as that man did, and ill never be able to get that back. and ....for what? Not everyones situation turns out the same way. i just wanted you to know how mine turned out, the hell im in now, and if i could go back , I would have talked to a therapist and seen if there were any other options first. options that on my own, i couldnt have come up with. You owe yourself that much first. if what you have with your husband has any sacred worth perserving, please try that. they are confidential and you dont have to worry about them telling anyone. please post what winds up happening. Regardless of how it goes, I hope it works out well.