Shocked And Confused.

Well, I waited until i was 18 almost 19 to lose my virginity.. i just had never felt that way enough abotu someone to let it go that far, i had always been very careful with my heart, anyways i met this guy who had been friends of my friends and he began to persue me , at first i was a little confused .. because i was always really shy and he was so outgoing and gorgeous and kinda the life of the party. But eventually we started dating. and he began to fall in love with me ( or at least i think so) i got to see a side of him that i dont think many people did... I was finding it hard to let my guard down, but i did and some where along the way i fell in love with him too. it was the scariest moment of my life- when i realized.
the only thing iis that he did not have alot of time between work and school and his crazy social life, and i was also very busy with work and sports and stuff. this caused alot of tension between us - but it was not like we were actually angry at each other- more like we were angry that we were upset at all!. his actions showed me he didnt care- and for how much he said he cared about me.. he didnt show it. but for some reason i believed him... one night out of know where .. he tried to have sex with me.. we had been dating for about 6 months and he knew it was my first time and how nervous i was.. but i was able to relax and we had sex, i was so nervous . i just couldnt believe it was happening. but somethign about the way he looked at me- i knew he loved me. I knwo alot of people think that.. but i just know .
about two months later him and i broke up- i broke up with him because he couldnt spent time with me. I was shocked i guess i always thought he cared but we were both "just busy" i thought when i finally brought it up after being the "relaxed" girlfriend he would make a change. turns out he couldnt/wouldnt.
the thing i never understood- is how he could cry and how much it hurt me. i cried was weeks uncontrollably....he tried to contact me a couple months later.. when i was finally starting to move on. and told me he regretted it. i didnt believe him until i saw him cry. we slept together that night, and then he told me he had to many
 issues and we couldnt be together. that this was the last thing he wanted but best.... and he never talked to me again...

i just dont understand.. even trying to write this story.. im all over the place..
Katey19 Katey19
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 12, 2010

I just went through the worst breakup of my life. I also have cried uncontrollably. My advice is to move on and try not to dwell on this experience. I would like to believe that things happen for a reason..a reason that we don't always know.<br />
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You did your best. That old say all is fair in love and war just doesn't apply. It IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR.<br />
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Love is so fragile and people are so complex. <br />
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Be good to yourself and try and put it in the "experience" category. Whatever the outcome, I wish you the best. God bless...and most of all, don't give up on love.