i feel i have let myself down in so many many wrong choices.walked along the wrong path and have ended stranded in my life.i never thought my life would turn out like this.i always hoped i would meet someone wonderful and we would be blissfully happy.i never imagined everything would turn upside down and i was going to end up bruised and battered both emotionally and physically.i forgive everyone in my life no ones perfect but i hope i will find the right path soon and continue my journey through life and end up where i hope to be.happy and fulfilled.i dont ask for much or maybe i do .i just want to love and be loved and respected.i guess its an impossible fairytale.
freeangel freeangel
31-35, F
14 Responses Jul 21, 2010

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I know exactly how you feel. I don't feel that I asked too much but apparently being loved and being loving in return is only an illusion of what we thought we could hope for.

Well, you have already been down that path, so you will surely travel anew! :) Look for your new path and take it!

I feel the same way and it helps to know you are not the only one going through this. I had my whole life planned out at 18 and nothing has turned out the way I wanted it to or thought it would be. I married the wrong man and devoted 28 years to trying to better him and give him a family and yes, I did but he turned out to be the creep everyone told me he was 28 years ago and I didn't listen. I used to have a great career and he couldn't hold a job but I pushed him to go to school and become something while I stayed home and took care of his children so they would have a life I never had. Well, everyone was taken care of but me. When he left after 28 years he moved out without telling me. I didn't even notice he was slowly moving his stuff out. THAT is how naive and trusting I was. He deserted me and his two kids two and a half years ago for a nurse half his age and then got her pregnant while we were still married. Never bonded with this kids and never sees them. He is still with the nurse and their new baby girl. I wanted to try for another child so bad but didn't because I didn't want to push another child that he didn't want on him but he seems happy with this new one he has with her. After being home with the kids so long I could not find a job in my profession and had to go work as a cashier making minimum wage. My house is in foreclosure and my boys are almost grown. I had a horrible attorney for my divorce and got the short end of the stick because I could not afford one and had one right out of college. I lost 118 lbs. after he lelft and felt like I was human again but have gained every pound back. I don't know how it happened. This is the second time I have lost 100 lbs. only to put it back on. I can't move. Everything hurts. The life I started to get together after he left is falling apart because I can't control my weight. I am at a loss. I have done the right thing my whole life by everyone and I feel so angry I have been forgotten and disregarded. It hurts. I don't know how to get out of this hole I am in.

Oh,Angel,you have not failed,you have a beautiful daughter that you are rasing.Teach her all that you know and she will grow up to be a very good woman,not like your "friends"All the bad things that are happening you can tell her about so she will be a better person and not do the things your "friends have done to you to her friends.No angel,you have not failed,your a good mother :)and a good friend too.*hugs*

There are many things that we never imagine, things that we thought would never have to endure... but then... they happen and we suffer... the good thing is that we can learn from that experience. Besides all the pain and everything you have gone through, I believe you have learned a lot. I'm sorry you had to suffer those things, but I'm sure you're a stronger person now. I guess that you know now what you want. In order to be loved and respected, you need to love and trust yourself. Be confident and make your dreams come true. You can do it. Don't lose hope. Use your previous experience to become a greater person.<br />
Best wishes for you!

No it is not impossible, just keep looking. You can have this attitude only when you are 80 and you are looking back in your life. But now is too early:)

We all have choices, that is the one freedom that will never be taken from us. we all go into deep thought when wishing things could get better. When asking questions to ourselves, we hear voices. Sometimes there are so many voices coming to us at the same time, all willing to help. With so many voices coming and going into our mind, confusion sets in, because we choose to not really listen. We are to busy talking ourselves out of the good we are hearing and confusion takes over which only ends up making us tired, feeling defeated, when we get tired nothing gets accomplished.<br />
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But when you are ready to focus in on what the voices are telling you, it will become easier to make a choice as to which voice is answering your question. Believing in what you are told will bring visions, and through these visions is seen a better way. Seeing and believing are the first steps needed to bring the right answers you need to move forward.<br />
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"Life is created by believing what has been seen through visions. Believing in the voices and visions will show you how. Acting upon the how is what brings life to all things"<br />
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"listen carefully to what comes to you in the whispering words of wisdom; you will hear the answers. It is then to recognize the opportunities that become present"

You know you can always talk to me angel,about anything.We have shared so much already

thank you womanbliss for you kind words you are so right. i will do all i can to acheive my goals :)

Hi Freeangel. I think everyone would probably admit to certain aspects of their lives not having turned out the way they might have expected. I know that's true for me. In some ways I have made poor choices but I don't beat myself up for that. I accept that the person I am now is there because of all my choices, both good and bad. I can look in the mirror and honestly say that I am happy with me - therefore my choices couldn't have been so bad afterall. It really is about acceptance, forgiveness and love for yourself. If you can build on those things I believe it makes you someone capable of receiving love - if you don't care for yourself how can you expect anyone else to? You are a good and thoughtful person who wants to move on and build a good, fulfilling life ... that's a great place to start from and I wish you all luck, strength and love to achieve your goals.

wow thank you for your kind comments i thought i was just complaining when i typed have made me realise what i actually typed.i love coming on here its the only place i feel compfortabe to vent.hidden secrets and desires bottled up can sometimes be more damaging then good.i wish you all happiness and what you seek in life :)

Wow freeangel that was amazing. Like it has been said you have beautiful attitude and I am certain that you will find your hearts desire, you have a passion and it shows. Thanks for being so open and for putting into words so eloquently what I think so many of us feel...may the love you seek find you soon...Bambi

I could have written those very words angel.I hope we both can find a bit of happiness soon<br />

Hello freeangel~<br />
I think your attitude is wonderful and courageous!!!<br />
As I see it you are more than a trooper and survivor, you are writing your own story and scrip! YEAHOO for YOU!!! :)))<br />
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We all need and deserve love and respect and acceptance for who we are and to change for no one! <br />
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If it is a fairytale,then I wish it for myself also :D!<br />
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Hugs, K.