I Never Told (he Had a Child)

My story may be different or it may be the same as many other women - I dont know because I have never told what happened. It is funny how one decision can change your whole life! And it is sad when you make the wrong decision for the RIGHT reason!

My story is 16 years old yet it lives with me every day! You see I met "Seth" my senior year of college and fell in a quick crush that turned into a deep love. I loved him for all he was....I knew I would graduate that year and he still had a year-- I also knew I would be moving after I graduated so we tried (or I tried) to keep it on the friendship level. We managed to do that...and the day I moved I thought he was behind me.

Until the day 5 months later I went to visit ....During that visit we had dinner--wine--and feelings surfaced that I tried to bury...emotional, and physical....We fought and I went home ----only to discover 3 months later I was going to have his child....

I was too scared to tell him--and what could he do?? I didnt tell him because I didnt want him to quit college, and I dont know!! Well that was 16 years ago! And I have a wondeful child...who looks more and more like him everyday! Shes a wonderful girl! I never forgot him because hes always looking at me through my daughters eyes. She has his eyes--the eyes that hooked me 16 years ago. Eyes that I loved and now love in her.

I have wanted to tell him...but as time passed it gets harder and harder. I know he's married with his own family. What do I do now! I wish I could go back...I never married...always had a childish dream that somehow we would find each other again...
summerlove summerlove
8 Responses May 1, 2006

As a man point of view goes I personally would want to know I have a family and not sure how it would all work out if I did have a love child out there but I would want to know.

I am in the same situation. However, my daughter is only 6 months. Deep down I want 2 tell her father about her but at the same time i'm so scared. I know it's 2 b expected that he will b angry at me for not telling him since the beginning. However, I am scared of what else he will tell me. I just can't build up the courage to tell him. I'm seriously beginning 2 convince myself that not telling him is the best thing. My parents both believe that I should not tell him and that telling him will only bring more complications into our lives. I"m so confused as to what is the "right" thing 2 do.

I can relate to your pain. I knew a girl who met, had a summer one night stand with a boy she met while visiting family on vacation. She really liked him, gave him her number and left to come home a few days later. She never heard from him again. About two months later she discovered she was pregnant and went back to tell him. He was gone...left for the navy and married another woman. She was crushed. Because of her age, and the fact that she would be leaving for college the next year, gave up her daughter for adoption to give her a better life. She carries that guilt for-ever....

It's never to late to do what is right and telling the truth is the right thing to do.<br />
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Do it for your daughter!

Different reason....I am a keen amateur genealogist. We are having enough problems with my son-in-law's side of the family just because his father and grandfather are estranged. If he'd never known who his father was it would be impossible. If you wait too long people die, and you can't ask them.

Well, I can relate to this but only because I am in your daughter's shoes. My mother never told my father about me, and I've spent my whole adult life (I'm 32) trying to gather the courage to tell him what she should have told him 32 years ago. And though I love my mother dearly, I also resent her for this. It was my birthright to have a father, and though he may have chosen to not be a part of my life, that choice would have been on him entirely. It's not fair that she made that choice for him and for me. She was selfish. She didn't want the hassle of him being in our lives. I feel robbed of what was never even mine to begin with, but should have been.<br />
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Please tell him, and please tell your daughter the truth. She may not have much interest now, as a teen, but I can almost guarantee that once she has children of her own, the desire to know her roots will be stronger than ever.

I agree. You should tell him. My story is similar, but he knew and I told him to leave me alone, and not ever contact me. My baby was 2, then. 29 years later my baby tried dilligently to find the father. I was able to find him through someone else on the internet. Anyway, it has been okay so far, and is continuing to get better. But so much time was lost for both of them. Don't keep it from him any longer. It's not fair to anybody involved. Especially your daughter. If he prefers not to "be her father", let it be his choice. I hate to know anybody feels like I have felt since my baby started looking for "dad".

i think you should tell him. he needs to know