Not Going To Prom Made Me Feel Like A Loser

The two years that prom was held (junior and senior prom) I had hoped I would be able to get a date. My on/off boyfriend was off at those two times it was held, so I was hopeful someone would ask me. All my friends had boyfriends to go with, and I felt a tad bit left out. Truthfully, in high school I was using the ability to get a guy to with me to prom to prove I was pretty, I was likeable, I was dying to know boys liked me!! I never asked any guy out to prom. I knew the ones who had girlfriends and I felt some of them were out of m league. I felt it would be really dumb to go to the prom stag, and would just point a big huge sign that said "YOU ARE A LOSER!" I remember how horrible I felt when tears ran down my cheeks. Guys didn't like me and I couldn't get one guy to ask me. I was miserable. I continued to measure myself this way when I got into college. If I could find a guy it would prove I was beautiful and pretty, those were my thoughts. About the on/off boyfriend, it is a bit of a tangled web spanning ten years, but I will tell it. "B" was supposed to be my boyfriend. I got my first kiss with him and we'd kiss, hug, and he told me he loved me. However, when he made a promise to me he always broke it. In freshman year of high school (he was still attending) I asked him to go to the homecoming dance with me. He said he couldn't, and I said I understood. I went to the dance and he was kissing (well more like making-out) with a girl who hated my guts. Seeing this, I ran towards the gym to cry my eyes out. I grabbed some punch and just cried. How could he? He was supposed to be my boyfriend!! I decided to try to make the best of it and went back out onto the floor and tried to stay as far away as I could as possible. Well the girl, Amber, found me, smiled and then asked to my face "Hey you mind if I french kiss B again?" I had lost it at that point and called Mom claiming I was sick. When I was twenty-two I did the dumbest thing and gave myself to him. I thought no one else would want me, he was my boyfriend, had even asked to marry me, and I wanted to keep him. I thought one way would be to give myself. I really wasn't into it, but it just seemed the thing to do. I had caught him several times throughout our dating history to hold other girls hands, kiss them, I even got into a really nasty fight with my ex-best friend (she was been my best friend at the time, and was for sixteen years) because she started dating him. He called her when she lived in VA, but I was right down the street and somehow he couldn't haul his butt over to see me! Well, it ended when he just quit calling and I found out he got another girl pregnant.

-Back to prom I had a guy I really wanted to go with and had crushed on since elementary school, but never asked hoping a guy would ask me. I was relieved to graduate high school. I am now twenty-five and I look back on prom and not going and I smile. I am not sorry I didn't go to a dance to wear and expensive gown and be with a boy to prove I am something. Guess what? I was and am pretty. I concentrated on academics and it has gotten me so far. I found my husband through Internet dating, and he is a man I thought only existed in my dreams, but he is real, and mine. I have the love I have always wanted. I realize now that there was nothing wrong with me, and I have no regrets now that I didn't do the whole prom thing.
ChihuahuaSweetheart ChihuahuaSweetheart
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 7, 2012

I didn't go to mine either. I was an awkward, anxiety ridden mess in those days. Although I'm sure some were kind to me back then, my memory has blocked it and I only remember the bad. In general, those years were not good ones. I've considered throwing away my year books but can't decide.

I am a senior in high school and I can relate but I am glad you realized what you deserve and that you found a loving husband! :) Prom is overrated and at first I did not want to go but I will go with or without a boy, I can just go with a close friend. And it is good you focused on academics!