In The Beginning.....

In the beginning, i had problems socially. It was a phase, everyone thought.  My dad was pretty much abrasive, especially with me.  I neve had that ability to make friends at all.  Due to the fact, that every time I did something, my dad would get upset.  i should say almost anything.  I am not say I never did any  thing bad, I did. Rightfully so my dad get upset  Rat me.  But it is when I would go out with my brothers, I would say lets go here, then I am being selfish and stupid.  Therefore, when dealing with others, I would attract people who treated me like crap.  Who, when I want something, or make a mistake, I am worthless.  Each year I believed my dad that I was worthless.  There fore attracting people who think I am worthless, including myself.  Now,  I don't have any friends.  I never did since the day I was born, literally.  i am working on a new view of myself.  I am NOt worthless.  I still have problems making friends.  I am happy with that idea.  I do not have any friends. I am ok.  Yes, sometimes I do wish I had friends, but it is hard to trust anyone, when most of your life people have rejected me.  I am not perfect.  Sometimes I can be a big jerk. How is that different from anyone else.  people think I am abnormal when I am upset, or make a mistake.  I don't have to accept someone's friendship.   How is that differnet from anyone.  They don't have to be my friend.  People get upset at me and make mistakes.  How come I am abnormal and they are not.  I t makes me sad when someone doesn't see me as human.  I do make mistakes, etc    Right I am a lonely person.  Not always.
jpearl66 jpearl66
46-50, F
Dec 8, 2012