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Just Me

I dont easily trust,been burned and hurt,also have been taken advantage of
I have three brothers and we dont really talk. but i am ok with it.
My mom passed away about 15 years ago with cancer.My dad is alive but we dont talk.
I am 43 and live alone.no relationship and not really looking,my last breakup was a mess...
I am a very honest man and i own my actions, I have not been kind to some of you on here and for that i am sorry and will look to improve this.I get to the point and dont like drama or negative people,sometimes i can be my own worse enemy, I am very hard on myself,but always look to improve.
do to my life experiences,some times i can have a short fuse and am finding it happens mostly here and dont know why yet...
Holidays are hard for me, I am usually alone,Thanksgiving and Christmas are the hardest..some times i get a little down and lash out so please bare with me and put me in my place if i offend you..Deep down i am a very caring person.but sometimes walls will go up and old tapes will play out in my head at times i feel i am broken and dont want to live !! but i am working on this.
Like i have said my own family did not want me around it has been a tough life.
that is all i can write for now it is bringing back bitter memories    
deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Nov 3, 2012

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I spent Thanksgiving alone. Holidays can be tough. Just wanted to acknowledge tonight, since Christmas is next.

I'm feel so sorry for you I wish there was something I could do I hope u get beta and find ur way soon

similar to my life a bit holidays im always alone my family could care less and i've made mistakes and got upset easily , not easy being a truth teller also , and friends ha ha , more on EP than i've ever had before , this is my now world and i like it , your story looks like a reflection of me from the past , and i understand it perfectly , yes my friend there is always room for improvement of oneself ,i'm glad you made this story as well

Just because you are related to someone does not really mean anything, that was the point of entry for you. It is easier to be close to people who see you for WHO you are TODAY. Rather than all the things you did or said in the past. Truth is, YOU are the only one who has control over what's happening NOW. The best and most mysterious part of forgiving is also forgetting.

Oh and I haven't talked to my father in over 11 years, the only one of my children he has met was 18 months at the time and just turned 13, i have 3 kids.

I feel your pai. You know what they say, you are your own worst enemy. I im my own worst critic, and I don't want to share anything with anyone because I feel all they see is an attention seeker or Im feeling sorry for myself. Im in a relationship of 16 years and we moved 2 years ago. Since we moved, my husband has changed into a different person. He works all the time which is hard on me and my kids, but he has to i know this,bill

sorry, hit post to quickly. BILLS don't pay themselves. However all he does is come home and eat and lays in bed and sleep and watch tv when he is here. I have never felt more alone or abandoned. Do I have the right to feel this way? Am I being selfish? I cry every night and usually dont sleep well. So it can be the same even if your in a relationship. Thats my point, i feel just like you do, I've just been married for 15 years. God Bless! I'll pray for us both

I understand....hugs Karma. You are such an asset to this ****** up community. I appreciate your honestly and no bullshit style :)

I understand. It's ok.

It is ok karma, It really is