A State Of Bliss

In the past 21-years, I have only met three people who really understand me. They allowed me to be me, knowing my faults and shortcomings, and still accepted, still encouraged, still supported, still empathized, and all without giving platitudes.
I have said for a long time now that if everyone was loved, as they desired and needed to be loved, more than 50% of depressions would be cured. Mine would, without question. How do I know this...because when I was loved...I mean truly loved...I was not depressed...and I did not feel lonely. Now I think that  maybe just as important as love is understanding, but what is understanding? It's being there for someone come hell or high water, listening without judgment, and withholding advice if it is not wanted, without feeling offended. To acknowledge the pain of this person, and not negate it with platitudes such as, "there are more people worse off than you...you should be thankful," or something similar. The truth of the matter is that pain is pain, and while knowing someone is worse off than us may help sometimes, temporarily, it really does not help by saying these things.
You don't think we know that there are people worse off than us.....we are not stupid. We know what goes on in the world. There will always be people worse off than us, and people better off than us, but as i have said before...I would rather have a  bad toothache than a tiger tearing off my leg, but knowing someone is having their leg torn off by a tiger does not relieve a person of a bad toothache. They will still be experiencing pain, and it should not be belittled or compared to the suffering of others.
Empathy is a big part of understanding another's suffering, and for those who just cannot empathize...because I believe it is a gift...one that I unashamedly know that I am blessed with...or maybe it's a curse...but regardless, at least try and sympathize, and have some compassion, and if you can't do that...then just tell the truth. Say, I'm sorry that you are hurting, but I can't really understand. This is far preferable to someone who is hurting than platitudes that they have heard a million times before, and eventually become an insult to the intelligence.
When you have someone in your life that truly understands you, it is like a balm to the soul. It's like giving water to quench a terrible thirst, or food to someone who is starving. It is in essence a comfort, and if you combine true understanding with love...well that is bliss.
Carissimi Carissimi
56-60, F
3 Responses May 16, 2012

MSG me?

What for?

" The only man that ever said that he understood me never understood me." Hegal

I won't bother you if you don't want to or can't.

I'm sorry, I am not understanding you. Why do you want me to send you a message? You are in my circle. If you want to communicate with me, you can send me a message.

I already did earlier today. 8)

I don't see a message from you. Is this some new change from EP that we don't see all our messages now?

I don't know, sometimes I can receive but not send. After you asked why ? I sent the message I said ; " I would like to get to know you my name is Tom." I thought/felt that you weren't interested. 8)

It's not here. Someone on another post said he could not send me a message. Strange. I saw a posting a few days ago in the "I Want to Improve the Experience Project," group, saying how EP had now messed the messages up, so maybe that's why.
I'll try sending you one just to see if you receive it, although I can't talk right now.

I did receive your msg thank you but couldn't send the reply ( several times ). I understand that you can't talk now.

My setting was set to not accept from anyone who has been flagged as adult/mature content, but that can be anyone, even with a very innocent story. I changed it. Hopefully, I won't start getting all the pervs again.

7 More Responses

When we do not have solution to the pain of someone, what we can say to help him? This is just an trik to show that some others bearing more pain or grief and it really works. What else you can say to an atheist who do not beleive in kerma, god and sins. We use an less effective medicine when we do not have better one.

You really believe a toothache is cured by knowing someone is in worse pain. I know you mean well, loveocean, but you do not understand due to your youth, and maybe your upbringing. The best medicine for anyone in pain or suffering....barring...taking away that pain...is to show understanding. To let them know that what they feel is valid. I don't expect you to understand this because of your lack of life experience, and I really do know that you are trying to bring good to someone, but understanding them is the key.

Thank you for commenting.

On second thoughts, I realize we are coming from two entirely different perspectives. You are a male in his 20s, and I imagine if you had a friend who was in pain or some kind of suffering, you would have a different method of dealing with it...the one you described...and it may well work between young men. I on the other hand am a mature female, with life experience behind her, so my response...one being female, two being my age, and three my life experience...endows me with the method I described. I think we are both right depending on the circumstances, and the people we are dealing with.

Wow, what a great way to put things in perspective.<br />
I always believed that I had empathy, and could sympathize with almost everyone going through difficult times.<br />
Reading this, I came to the understanding that although I empathized and sympathized with my wife (or used to), I now do exactly that, negate her feelings with those same platitudes.<br />
Carissimi, you truly are a wonderment to my ignorant mind.<br />
Thanks for being a friend.