All I Can Do Is Stare At My Mirror

I just hate this.
I at 19 years old just stand there & stare at the mirror at myself & what I have become. I have configured my brain over the years to think out of anger, out of envy, & out of negativity. To always be mad & think of myself of having no worth & just about everyone else is better off in some way. I thought of myself as some stupid creature that would live in a basement feeding off fish heads & cow bones.
All I did was be full of rage & hate everything. And later sulk at what I can't nor haven't done. Which is obvious since I never was really productive because of all this. And with it I look at myself physically, I'm some sort of zombie-monkey creature with a worn-out wasted body, my bony frame, & my ugly face. I'll be up until 4am awake in bed, not able to sleep on how much of a waste I am or was.
It is such a giant void of an existence and feels I wasted so much on nothing.
So the day I stare at my mirror all that time wasted & my brain is so backwards. I now want to redesign this brain of mine & make my life anew. To be positive, to not be so addicted to rage & hatred. To have some self-worth & something better.

...I hope...
deleted deleted
1 Response Jul 31, 2010

Me too im 19 and I feel the same way I feel f---ed up too I dont know where to start but I feel like a shell when I like in the mirror like im just a hollow person and I wish I could reprogram my brain or just start over clean like amnesia or something