Apparently, I Don't Look Like Me...

Apparently, I don't look like me anymore. I gained a lot of weight over the last 10 years and according to my mother, I am no longer the same person. When did gaining weight mean a personality transplant? But I get what she means. I used to be so strong willed. So dedicated. Now, I just accept what is. I rather wallow than change. I don't understand why. Everyone thinks I am so happy, but I'm not. I cringe when I know I have to leave the house. I have panic attacks when I see someone that I haven't seen in a long time. All that goes through my head is "what do are thinking? What are they thinking about me?" I am so self conscious. I want to believe that there is more to me, but I can't. I want to be happy again. I do want to lose weight and get healthy again. A part of me knows what to do to change, but for the life of me, I don't understand why I haven't done so! This is so damn pathetic.....
bkbaby16 bkbaby16
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Try and think if there is a reason why you started ' comfort eating 'and if there is then you need to decide whether that problem still exists and if it does then sort it out. If not and your still gaining weight, then maybe see a doctor, there may be a medical reason why your feeling the way you are. I think that also, the media has something to do with the way you are feeling, when you see those skinny girls on TV and magazines, how does it make you feel?? Upset? Ugly? Fat? You are who you are because of whats inside, not on the outside, learn to love the new you and soon enough other people will start to aswell. Good luck xxx

Please look for professional help, you might be going through an eating disorder due to reaason that you would find out there. It is possible, just do it for yourself, for your happiness, is worth it! Its you!<br />
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Whatever you do not do for yourself, nobody will. I wish you well.

Its not really pathetic. Your weight gain has obviously changed your body image and self esteem. That makes a lot of sense given what we're all brainwashed to believe defines self worth. As for why you cant change even though you know what you need to do...turning around 10 years of a habit is going to be hard. You just have to wake up one day and decide that its worth it. Especially if you liked who you were before. I definitely want to be thinner but a stubborn part of me also wishes someone would accept me as i am now. So i wallow instead of changing. Maybe its the same for you. Anyway, i hope you work it out and all the best!