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Why They All Stare

I dont really know how to start. I suppose that I just want to get it all out. I cant remember how long Ive been this hard on myself. I guess it just seems to keep happening and I dont realize it. I feel like no matter what is really being said in the conversations around me I feel like they are always fixated on me. And not just that Im the center of the conversation but I feel like they are alway focused on my faults . In turn then I become super focused on 
all the possible things they are saying. Like the whole world for some reason is trying its hardest to not let me be happy. But really its all in my head. I know its unreasonable to think that people are so focused on what Im doing. Im noone. But still I cant help it. I dont know how to get help because I know that being told there is something wrong with my thinking will just make me more focused on it. Being around people makes me selfconcious, but being alone makes me feel shut off from everything.  What babble. That feels like noting was even said that was worth typing. 
blackflamingo blackflamingo 22-25, F 3 Responses Dec 29, 2011

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I love being by myself. I don't try to hurt me. I just let me be. Somedays I fear having to leave my home because I know there are people out there, and triggers everywhere. I'll see a guy or a girl with a specific look or something about them and I just lose it and end up trying to contain my tears until I'm home. <br />
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I understand what you mean about people not wanting you to happy. Don't completely chalk that up to just being in your mind. I know that coincidentally whenever seem even remotely happy, someone seems to come around with some bs to muddle it up and yet whenever I'm sad it's just me and I need to buck up. <br />
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The world is a cruel place with a lot of cruel people who don't want to admit to themselves that they live to suck the happiness out of people. Don't put the pressure on yourself by assuming this all just in your imagination. No one wakes up one morning wanting to think and feel the way you do unless it was planted in you by someone else.

I still get nervous when I hear people laughing, because the first thought I have is, 'What did I do?' But I have to remind myself OVER and OVER that I actually have no idea why they are laughing, and there are a million really good reasons that they are laughing that are not at me... and its only my brain trying to tell me what they are doing without any evidence. And then try to move on from there... sometimes I have shut down moments. Sometimes I am able to get past it. Its different every day.

Nothing wrong being self-conscious, its silly but its human thing after all.<br />
The only way to get over it is just be get over it or you can turn those insecure feeling to push you to work harder and be better person :)