Not Happy!!

its not so much that i hate the person iv'e become,but more that i hate the person iv'e always been,and my inability to change! people that know me here on ep,know that iv'e always been a loner,and in real life,iv'e always been really quiet and shy and have always been a really sensitive person,but my inability to change all that and become more outgoing,to stop being quiet and do something about my shyness and sensitive personality,has made me resent myself in so many ways.i dont know how many times through the years,iv'e heard people say to me "I used to be quiet and shy,but one day i just decided enough was enough,and i pulled myself out of it!!" and i often think to myself "why have i not been able to do that?" cos i mean,i have to do something about it sooner or later,cos its holding me back in life in so many ways,but sometimes i also think "this is me, its who i am" cos you see,when im on my own and doing my own thing, im quite happy with my life,but its only once i come into contact with other people that i become insecure about myself!!
cowshed123 cowshed123
36-40, M
2 Responses Apr 18, 2012

I'm one of those talkative out going people and trust me the grass is greener on the otherside. When you put yourself out there more you're constantly putting yourself in a position for people to hurt you constantly and intentionally for no legitimate reasons. I stopped being shy and quiet in the 3rd grade and I regret that I have not been able to change ever since. People will always tell you that you talk too much and eventually it'll dig so deep that you'll become extremely hypersensitive whenever someone tells you that. We're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't. Everytime I decided to just keep to myself and become quiet, the same people who lashed out at me in the first place all of a sudden want to know what's wrong and why am I so quiet when they were the ones who caused the desire to retreat anyway. So while you're wishing you could be more out going I'm wishing I could stop being as social as I am and just keep to myself.

thanks for commenting *Hauraunah*, i mean, i have kinda noticed that myself, cos recently i have been trying to kinda push myself to go out more, even if i dont like it, but the more i go out, the more i realise that i am actually happier being the quiet,shy,sensitive kinda guy, and when you talk about people asking you why your so quiet, i had to laugh a little, cos it was me that started the "people always ask me why im so quiet" group, here on ep!! i hate it when people ask me that all the time!!

You know? something I find liberating for the new start you're looking for is in a way a change of scenary. It's like it's known that high school is always bad in some ways for so many people, you get labelled, you get comments that maybe you shouldn't have heard and then you tend to believe that what was said about you was right. But then you're out of high school and you start realizing that all of that might have been wrong, you start a new life, you meet new people and they show you that maybe you weren't wrong but the others were. All I'm trying to say is that to reinvent yourself it might be good to do it in a place where you are not surrounded by the same theories about you you've heard before like coming from your family or people who have been near you for years because that's something that has been there for way too long but not because of that it can be right and many times those theories are what cause our fears and prevent us from becoming better. I trust your life will become as good as you want, I really don't worry about you. :)