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Trying to Figure It Out...

There is a story here on EP ... a very popular story actually that has been sticking in my craw pretty much since I have been a member here.

I stayed out of it until just the other day when I just couldnt resist.

I have tried asking the author respectfully submitted questions as to where and from what experiences they have based what I feel is such an inflamitory and attacking story.

Those...were simply ignored.

 Update:  2/15/08

As promised here is my personal take on the "10 things"...I would love to hear others thoughts and opinions....this is an expression of my own opinion based on my life and my experiences.

 

1. You have a short sensible haircut. -> you gave up on taking care of your hair because it's just to hard. Your husband views this as living with another man. Real attractive.

I would say that both husband and wife should have hairstyles that are best for them. Not everyone looks their best with long hair…visa versa.

 2. The moment your man comes home you dump all your problems and what's going on at work , home , kids whatever. -> Your man equates this as pure stress. He needs to depressurize before you do all this. And he really doesn't care about all these people he never met or has limited interaction and what's going on with their lives.

Spouses should share with each other their hurts, their joys and everything in between. Care should be given to finding the best times to do this. And yes that isn’t likely the minute he walks in the door. Unless of course the pipes under the kitchen sink just burst and water is flooding the floor…

3. You think he needs to be nice to you all week, do everything without asking him to, romance you...blah blah before you can get physical with him. -> Truth a man just needs for you to say lets go. If you wait for all the stars to align ...well you never have sex.

Men need sex…women need romance and sex. Generalization obviously but pretty accurate one I believe. Gentlemen be loving to your wives…its called foreplay in our hearts. Wives when things get wild and you have been fighting all week. Maybe you both need some fun in the sheets time to reset the game. Find what works for you and yours in the relationship…we are all just a bit different.

4. You will never ever, consider, giving him oral, anal or any other weird perversion.-> Everybody is different, but you should at least see what he wants and try to accommodate otherwise, he will get bored, look at the grass is greener else where. To much media to blame.

Yes I feel both parties should “stretch” and compromise when possible. Within reason…and responsibility to each others feelings. Don’t run with the word stretch people…you know what I mean…LOL

5. Your daily list of things to do is so big and constanly growing. When eas the last time your man appeared on the top of the list, hey when did he appear at all on the list.

 I think this is more about priorities than “lists”…I do understand and agree with the theme. The housework will always be there..he may not. My Mom told me that long ago and do believe she is right.  

 6. You critique his grammar. OK just joking on that one.

No comment needed…

7. You don't take care of yourself

Both spouses should take care of themselves. Hygiene and manners folks.

 8. You don't say thank you, often

Everyone should say this more often.. see manners above..:)

9. You don't keep the romance alive When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive.

This very much applies to both spouses… Life has a way of getting the better of us all…finding time for romance is defiantly a challenge but one worth undertaking.

10. You don't let him have "guy time"

Both need separate time…separate interests. If your lives are so intertwined that there ceases to be a you…then  there will likely be problems. Its not a matter of two halvess becoming a whole…it’s a matter of two complete individuals joining together as a team.

11. You don't make your husband a priority

See # 5 above

12. Don't make him guess—tell him what you want It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know.

I agree…making either spouse guess is setting yourself up for disappointment. I would like to add though that we all love surprises. Try on occasion to do something out of the blue…surprise your spouse with a gift or a gesture you think they would enjoy. Surprise is always nice….:)

13. Believe in your husband, and let him know it

 Agree!...men also believe in your wives and let them know it.

14. You don't ask for sex

Just being “willing” isn’t always enough. Spouses need to feel that you are attracted to them and that you desire them. Both in a marriage need to pay attention to each other’s love language. If you don’t know what that is…ask them what things make them feel loved.  

 

These are my opinions folks…based on my personal experiences in life. Everyone is different and I am open and interested to hear what works for you…or what doesn’t…J  

Lexus Lexus 36-40, F 115 Responses Feb 14, 2008

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kind of seems to me ,, you are right on point. a lot can be wrapped up in communicating with each other.. i thought it a good read

Thanks RDW....it seems the issue is resolved...

I don't mean at all to keep the fire going, it's just that I have for so long wanted to say something about the post in question but not felt comfortable enough, I realise now I am not alone in my thoughts.<br />
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When I read it I was gob-smacked that someone would, who self-admittedly sleeps with married men, give such one sided advice to women who are all ready in pain.<br />
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Lexus I want to commend you for your story because I think it is a positive step to show women in sexless marriages that 1. It isn't all their fault. 2. that there is actual good advice available.<br />
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I am going to end this here because I want to, for once, keep the claws away. <br />
- RDW

Ok...now I am in a spot. Several angry PM's not wanting thier comments deleted...and one very nice request that I not delete thier comment.<br />
<br />
So...folks...police yourselves. Delete or not delete your comments within this story as you see fit..<br />
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{{Hugs to All}}

this will be my last post here...i'm just going to comment to maplemans statement--'but if a man said the same things, I think you'd brush him off as a sexist AH and probably joke back with him and put him in his place.'<br />
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dont you get it...girlpower basically said the same things a man would say....the gender still didnt matter. the advice was vaque, harsh, and immature......

I am going through and deleting the "not so nice comments". I am not going to have time to finish this until later. If any of you who have commented care to go through and delete those you made that you think might fit the "not so nice" description please do so.<br />
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Otherwise I will finish doing that sometime later today or tonight...

ok folks...here is what I am going to do.<br />
<br />
I was upset...and I was angry...<br />
<br />
I believe I went about this all wrong...<br />
<br />
I am going to take my list of things from this story and re-work them as thier own stand alone piece. <br />
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I will post them sometime today in the "I live in a Sexless Marriage" group.<br />
<br />
Parts of this thread have contained great conversations concerning those points...I certainly hope we can move those types of conversations over to the new post and skip all the personal attacking.<br />
<br />
I am either going to delete the entire story later today or just remove all of our "not so nice comments" leaving the quality discussion on the topic in place.<br />
<br />
Thank you to all my friends for your support...

hi lexus, just read your story. I think your right on the mark. Sometimes I feel that I don't want to ask him because he says nothing. I know that when a man doesn't want to talk it mainly means one thing. and that is they will keep it way deep down inside until they develop prostate cancer. maybe one day men will learn.

mapleman - I think we may just ahve to agree to disagree - as we have done on other occasions LOL!<br />
<br />
I want to say thank you though for not holding my opinions against me, your a great friend. I think the fact that we can disagree about many things and still be respectful of each others views makes our friendship stronger :)

Lexie, your story is much more informational that GP's ... thanks for that!! I agree with you!

I don't think your wording is too strong :)<br />
Like I say I can see your point. <br />
Have you read her comments in the forums? <br />
<br />
Thing is, she goes on about how if your not keeping your man satisfied she will sleep with them and blah blah blah.......... it's not nice! She has posted there repeatedly even when she knew what she was saying hurt people, why? I don't get it. Why does she feel she is an expert in this area? What qualifies her? Why does she feel she knows more about living in a sexless marraige than the women who are living in them? Why chose that group to write a story about loving sleeping with married men?? it's insensitive, really. I wouldn't go into a group that said I lost someone to suicide and then write a story about how great suicide is - it's hurtful and disrespectful :~(

Mapleman - I'm sorry if you find our comments to be of a bit of a mob mentality - I can see where your coming from. Think about this though - GirlPower has repeatedly hurt people with her comments, people who are already hurt and are seeking advice and help. She shouldn't be allowed to hurt these people more than they are hurt. As women we should be standing side by side, helping each other, actually as human beings it's what we should be doing. At least Lexus' story is uniting women, bringing this issue up can only be helpful to those who have been hurt by this persons "advice". Lots of people have been hurt by her and have felt they couldn't speak out about it, thats not fair. Yes - we are all entitled to our opinions but we are not entitled to cruelly attack and hurt already very vunerable people. I personally wouldn't care if EP kicked me offf this site for my comments - I mean that, the woman is a nasty piece of work and my opinion is my opinion. Please bear in mind she attacked first. Maybe it is wrong to retaliate but I'm looking out for my friends on here and I'm looking out for all the women who may have been hurt by her. <br />
<br />
Mapleman - I really hope that although we have different opinions about this that we can still be friends. I wouldn't want to lose a good friend over this.....

unrulywoman, i cannot believe she would say that....that is so rude... there are emotions involved within a sexless marriage....its not just physical [or atleast thats what i would think]<br />
<br />
'Because most guys would hump a hole in the ground surrounded by roaches.'<br />
<br />
perhaps this is a metaphor....a description of her own hole...... [i'm usually not personally rude, but i just dont like women like her]

So am I...:)

It is an up and down cycle. I get ready to leave and then someone will bring me back up and remind me of the good I have received here. I am glad you were able to encourage her to stay.

Just yesterday I think it was or perhaps the day before I got a message from a fairly new member of Ep...ready to leave...someone had made a comment to them that was just more than they could handle...<br />
<br />
<br />
I encouraged her to stay...not to let one bad experience alter her entire view of Ep....<br />
<br />
<br />
She is still here....:)

I removed myself from that group because of people like her. It is not a supporting environment and although she is young, she should know better. Her original story was not bad until she started with the caustic remarks.

I saw that earlier...someone pointed it out to me...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
All I can say is...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm sorry to all the people that must have hurt...

exactly.....shes an idiot....the sh-t she spouts out in those groups isnt helpful at all......shes an attention seeker.....and woman who seek attention in that way, i will just never understand....and people who pretend to be helpful when they really have their own agendas, i also dont understand......

did you read her other story in that group

'"kisses to all of you lovely ladies. guys I know why you don't want to sleep with them"'<br />
<br />
whats dumb about that comment is not all the woman commenting are in sexless marriages...and we know that what she is saying is not helpful....because those arent the reasons why we are still in sex filled marriages...<br />
<br />
'overall, i understand where GP's coming from.'<br />
<br />
i dont. shes putting down woman who are already feeling low.....theres nothing understandable about that. and her approach is wrong....her advice immature....and her attitude...whorey<br />
<br />
and thats just my opinion....and everyone knows how un-uptight i am

counting asterisks....LOL

not sure if that is possible...but not a bad idea....

Maybe she can move the whole thing into another experience group.

Of course, she has freedom of speech, but that doesn't make it any less reprehensible for her to go into a sexless marriage forum and exploit the pain of vulnerable people in order to advance her celebrity. Yuck.

don' forget beer...LOL

...am all for freedom of speech...the advice can be taken or ignored by all who read...same as with my version.<br />
<br />
My only request is that the "what feels like an attack" type comments be toned down...<br />
<br />
JMHO

Kids walking in on you....now THAT brings back some memories...LOL

great posts since i was here last. got a laugh out of tink365 post, solving the world issues with a great BJ. ROFLMBO<br />
milfy so many stresses can have an impact on our relationships in the bedroom. When we first have kids it is an issue (worried about making noise, them walking in on you). Sex becomes less spontaneous. It sounds like you two have a lot going on now. If you know he really loves you, try to be patient and work with him on the issue. Be open and honest with how you are feeling. If he doesn't support you there may be other issues that you need to get to the bottom of.

milfy, if he is open to seeking medical solutions, have his doctor test his testosterone level. Male menopause is for real, and if the level is low, it's easily treated. Please don't ask me how I know this. 8^)

Only you truly know how such a question would effect him and make him feel. If he comes to that conclusion on his own....good for him. It isnt uncommon and nothing for him to be ashamed of. There is often a medical solution.

I think it's coming to the point where he knows it. I'm just trying to do my part to keep his self esteem intact. I wonder what advice GirlPower would have for me?! LOL

Those things sure can have effect...that is for sure.<br />
<br />
Would it hurt his feelings if you suggested medication for the ED?

I'm trying not to pressure him and let him work through what ever it is. I'm always willing to lend him a "hand" which he seems to enjoy, but when the panties come off, fun time is over. *sigh* So I'm not sure where the ED is manifesting from. Like I said, we've had a lot going on, a move cross country 18 months ago, our new house caught fire Feb 2007 and this Feb the house was hit by a tornado.

Deleted my two comments on the "reasosn" story. 310 more to go! lol

Vasectomy...hmmm Wouldnt think that would cause any issues..but then a doctor I am not.<br />
<br />
Has he tired any of the "happy pills"?<br />
<br />
Viagra for instance...there are others but I cant remember the names...

Lexus counseling was suggested at one point for a different issue, but we sort of got over that and never went. I think what made me angry over the GirlPower thing was that if you just followed the "list" your sex life would be great. I've followed that list since day one 20 years ago when we got married. I did have short hair for a while and the dh was none too pleased, but we still had sex, LOL. We've had a lot of life changes these passed couple of years but I noticed the decrease in sex when dh got a vasectomy 2 years ago. We have 5 kids, so it was time, but had I known, I would have gone for another baby just to keep the bedroom action around!!

That is the unfortunate thing milfy...he has to being doing his job too...<br />
<br />
A marriage where only one is doing all the work...just doesnt work.<br />
<br />
I wish I had a magic pill...or a magic answer...I just don't.<br />
<br />
Have the two of you been to counseling at all? (tired question I know...but gotta ask)

So say you do everything on that list and your hubby STILL won't have sex with you? What then?

LOL...took me a second to realize what you were talking about....

I agree with you ggzo...<br />
<br />
That was what I had tried to say in my version of the list of things....if I missed the boat there...pretty sure you hit it head on....:)

Wow - lots of commentary. This theme certainly sparks some heat!!<br />
<br />
Here's one guys opinion. Part of what the original story is trying to say is somewhat true. I know I may get slammed for that, but please read on. The original story is targeted at women and what they need to do “keep” their men. But this story really cannot just be for women. It is true for both sexes. Both have to WORK at making the marriage/relationship work. If a woman gets bored and stops trying to keep things lively and exciting, well it will get dull and boring. It is also true if the man stops trying to keep things fresh, once again it will get dull and boring.<br />
This original story appeared in the Sexless Marriage Group and that is probably where it probably best belongs. Most of the folks there are the ones continuing to try to keep up their end of the relationship. They have bedroom imagination, they still have a spark and fire in their hearts, they still have zest for life, but the other spouse (male or female) has abandoned any needs, wants or desires. Hence why that group is the largest here on EP.<br />
<br />
Another way I like to describe nearly everything is BALANCE. <br />
We should strive for balance in nearly everything we do. Balance does not mean monotone, middle of the road, ho-hum. Balance means get your freak on every now and again, but come back to reality. Balance means sometimes it is appropriate to be cold, hard, logically thinking without much emotion, but come back to reality.<br />
Problems occur when folks get TOO logical and unemotional for TOO long...passion for life withers.<br />
Problems occur when we get TOO wet & wild for TOO long...we neglect our real world obligations and responsibilities.<br />
<br />
I agree with most of Lexus’ commentary about the original story. I would say her take on this all boil down to my blanket statement about balance. Both partners need to try. Both need to work.

You are a strong man thiswreckage...<br />
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I just think its so different for everyone. I do have a very close friend who was the neglected husband and it dare I say pert near destroyed him.<br />
<br />
I personally was the refuser for a time in my first marriage. I full well understand what all my "justifying" reasons were.<br />
<br />
I have thankfully learned some lessons in my lifetime...the hard way unfortunately.

Obvious, yet overlooked by most. Thanks for the reminder. And guys, remember, she is what its ALL about.

sussexg...the main gist is pretty much contained in the actual story...then perhaps the first few comments...as they show why this whole thing started.

good comments all....<br />
<br />
Its amazing how we can actually discuss this issue without assigning blame. <br />
<br />
Also without over dramatized unrealistic expectations of people.

*singing* sister's are doing it for themselves ;-)

hmmm...that is interesting...

LOL....good for you frogz...<br />
<br />
these days JD and I dont get to count nearly often enough...think we will both go insane soon...<br />
<br />
Life and scheduling is kicking our butts. I have some grand plans for mid March...but...<br />
<br />
what about between now and then...Need ALONE time please!!!<br />
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LOL

So glad to hear a comment like yours thiswreckage...<br />
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Even if we learn one small thing....it can sometimes makes the biggest difference...

Thanks...:)

Happy to give you credit onllyinmydreams....more than happy to!!<br />
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Rock on!!....:)

Power to the people!

i deleted my comments from her 'list' story

I deleted also. Someone made the suggestion in yet another story on the all-too-oft-discussed topic. <br />
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WE HAVE THE POWER! DELETE DELETE DELETE.<br />
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Then come here and brag about it and this will soon be #1!!<br />
<br />
<br />
YeeeeeHaaaaaaaaa

yes I believe that it does

I just went through her story and deleted all of my comments. I just felt I was feeding something that didnt need feeding.

hmmmm...yeah...sometimes JD likes to count for me

Sometimes one reads something and has one of those nice little "ah ha" moments. It either relates to them...or to thier spouse and a new understanding is gained.<br />
<br />
Sometimes not. <br />
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But you never know when some little something might make all the difference for even one person.

There really IS a wiseoldowl?????<br />
<br />
Please, please tell me....<br />
<br />
How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootse pop?

I once heard a preacher say, "The best part of making up in making out." We are suppose to listen to the preacher.

The chemical release to the brain resets things...at least for me.<br />
<br />
Then comes the cuddle time....mood is all set for great communication....the anger is diffused..<br />
<br />
Thats me....your milage may vary..<br />
<br />
And I just love ducks by the way...:)

off we go...into the wild blue yonder...flying high...into the sky.....

this is just a random, meaningless post to help this discussion get to #1

Lick...lick...lick...<br />
<br />
hehehe

I think it's a little unfair that UnrulyWoman and I basically said the same thing but her post came first because it took me longer to type mine.<br />
<br />
I'm the man, and I should have come first!<br />
<br />
And no, this is not just a random, meaningless post to help this discussion get to #1. Or is it??<br />
<br />
Hmmmmm... How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?<br />
<br />
The world may never know.......... (luv ya UW!!!)

Unrulywoman and hewhopleasures...<br />
<br />
Well SAID!!!!!

scubb-- Yes I know..the worse things are the worse they spiral....wish I had fixes...easy hard or otherwise.<br />
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If both parties in a marriage try to fix...imagine it will be easy to do...if only one does....tuff as hell....maybe impossible.<br />
<br />
WOO... Yes and NO....maybe I am a odd duck of the female species...sometimes when things are worst is when I need to reconnect the most. The fastest way to do that for me is sexually....the afterglow discussions make for great easy communication time.<br />
<br />
The physical side of marriage does come easier when things are good...that I would imagine is true.

where to start, where to start...... (yup, it's gonna be a long one... get a cup o' joe and settle in, little ones....)<br />
<br />
FIRST: The question was asked of why the post was offensive. <br />
<i><b> DISCLAIMER:</b> I am a man, but very in touch with my feminine side. Maybe it's the Libra in me... So I don't necessarily "think like a guy" (though I do have my moments, lol). But basically, I relate to everyone :-)</i><br />
<br />
The original post was offensive because it was accusatory AND from a person with no compassion for the wonderful and hurting people in this group. It over-generalizes and makes many assumptions that have no basis in real-world life.<br />
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It basically suggests that men think only with their members and egos, and women are here to please them. It also insinuates that most women are stupid and deserve to have their men 'stolen' from them. .... and that's just the original post....<br />
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The COMMENTS from the original author further the offense by continuing to blame the women, encouraging the men to come and cheat with the author, and basically reiterating and building on the original offenses.<br />
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I was further offended because it also - by simple fact of its exclusionary nature - assumes that it is only the men who are refusing sex. It does not take into account that there are almost as many men in our little group who would <i>just frikkin' kill</i> to have their wives sleep with them.<br />
<br />
Basically, the basis of the post sets our sexual evolution back to the dark ages. That just MIGHT have a little something to do with why so many of us were offended...<br />
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----------------------------<br />
<b>OK, so let's talk about the totally absurd points in the post first...</b><br />
1. What kind of homophobic idiot wrote this?<br />
3. This implies men are just **** machines. Yes, we do have many times that a good **** is all we want, but some of us are actually feeling, caring well-rounded human beings and want to be loved also.<br />
4. See 3. above. same concept.<br />
10. Sexist BS. Wouldn't be so bad if it said "me time" or "alone time".<br />
<br />
<b>ONE point that hit home for me:</b><br />
I do have to comment on #2 specifically because this is actually an issue in my house that really hurts my feelings. Sometimes I come home and the garbage bags are at the front door, waiting for me to trip on them so I can take them to the bins. This does not say "Welcome home, honey!" And the emotional 'dumping' before I've taken my coat off is a little off-putting as well. Give me a chance to get in the door, take my coat, maybe have a quick bite to eat or a drink and sit down. Then I can give you my full attention and actually HEAR what you are saying. <br />
<br />
<b>ALL THE REST:</b><br />
Relationships are 2-way streets and all these points are good ones, but go both ways. <br />
<br />
OH!!! Here's another reason the post was so offensive: These are basic relationship issues. If you read more than 10 stories in this group you will see that the majority of issues shared here go much deeper than any of those on this list. They become magnified by the deeper issues, but the core IS THE DEEPER ISSUES.<br />
<br />
----------------------------------<br />
<br />
OK, now that we've dispelled the ignorance, let's look at the positive. With the exception of 1 and 6, the rest can be grouped together with basic Relationship 101 techniques:<br />
RESPECT each other.<br />
LISTEN to each other.<br />
Be HONEST with each other.<br />
DON'T be taken advantage of, but DO find areas of COMPROMISE. Back'n'forth... Give'n'take... <br />
<br />
If you can manage all of that, then you get to the deeper issues that are TRUE causes of many of the sexless marriages.<br />
<br />
I made this comment when I first jumped into the group: There are too many people here who are in abusive, unhealthy, one-sided relationships and the lack of sex is only one of many many more serious symptoms. These people need to get out. Stop using kids and religion and "what will the neighbors/family/friends think?" as an excuse to be miserable. Life is too short.<br />
<br />
For the rest of us who have mostly satisfying relationships and caring partners who have personal issues that are the cause of the sexlessness, we have a basis in which to work things out. <br />
<br />
We are all different, in different situations, with different backgrounds, viewpoints, needs, desires and personal idiosyncrasies. There is no one list that is going to fix any of us.<br />
<br />
Keep the faith, y'all, and thanks for listening.<br />
<br />
Peace & Love,<br />
DJ

I luv's you El....not like I love JD....but Luv's you I do!!!<br />
<br />
LMAO

EP cult figure Girlpower ignited a firestorm of controversy with her list of reasons why so many women aren’t getting a satisfactory level of boinking from their husbands, boyfriends, plumbers, tax attorneys, etc. She pointed the accusatory finger at the women themselves, as if to suggest, “Physician, heal thyself!” Many readers took offense, and wrote impassioned rebuttals. But before we relegate Girlpower to the pre-feminist ash heap of history, along with Helen Gurley Brown and the charming biblical notion that females fall under the category of property, less expensive to feed than cattle and not so vocal as chickens, let’s do a little soul searching of our own, guys. If you come home after a hard day of shirking responsibility, playing pin the blame on the flunky, and surfing internet p*rn when your boss has his office door closed, rammy as a stallion in springtime, and your love looks at you like you’re something in the fridge that should have been thrown out months ago, you might want to think long and hard about these questions.<br />
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1. Noel Coward once said, “Women should be struck regularly, like a gong.” a.) agree b.) disagree <br />
<br />
2. Do you consider the word “b*tch” to be a term of endearment?<br />
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3. Do you know how many children you have and can you name them?<br />
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4. When you are having sex, do you think about: a.) food b.) sports c.) having sex with somebody else d.) Broadway musicals? <br />
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5. In your opinion, do men have emotions? (Note: This might be a trick question.)<br />
<br />
6. Why do you go fishing? a.) to drink b.) to be away from women c.) for the silence d.) like to spend time with trucks.<br />
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7. Picasso said that women only fall into two categories, goddesses and doormats. a.) agree b.) disagree c.) he was crazy, look at his paintings!<br />
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8. Do you think an intelligent woman is: a.) intimidating b.) attractive c.) an anomaly d.) a waste of a perfectly good brain that could have been put to better use in an NFL quarterback or stock car driver.<br />
<br />
9. Regarding your feelings about beer. Is it: a.) a food group b.) one of only a few things that make life worth living c.) a beverage d.) the ruling force of the universe?<br />
<br />
10.Roughly how often do you chew tobacco while having sex? a.) always b.) only when I remember to cop a chaw before I begin c. only when I’ve decided against smoking a cigar instead.<br />
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Answer these questions as truthfully as you can. In a week we’ll open a forum where you’ll be able to plot responses against our misogyny scale. This will help you understand why you ain’t getting’ wing-dang-doodle all night long.

Thanks, Lexus. you're very kind.

Excellent post IndyNudist....just excellent!!!

I already posted on the "confession" that I thought that it was nothing more than a cowardly flame. Now, here's my comment on the original issue, if I understand it correctly. <br />
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Here's my perspective. (short version) It's been stated over and over again in many creative ways (Mars Venus) that Men and Women are different. Exploring the differences is one of life's great joys and challanges. It can be beautiful or painful. The key is to always be respectful of the other person's feelings and perspective. if everybody would strive to be considerate and work to honor their partner, then the differences fade. If either or both has a ME ME ME attitude, then the differences become an uncrossible chasm. Rude selfish and inconsiderate people will always find fault with the "other". Instead if finding fault, maybe try finding love. With that said, I believe the best place to ind love is in yourself, and then find somebody with whom to share it.

LOL!!! I guess your right :)

Im just trying to figure out how what I said could make any woman feel ashamed...

I just left my comment in the confession if you want to check it out - remember I am in a bitchy mood today - you have been warned LOL!

i found that confession...i gave some of my own advice

adandymess, i think my husband would agree with yours

Yes antiyou everyone and every relationship is different.<br />
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The key is finding what works for the both of you and doing it...sounds like you are doing that just fine.

i think you are generally accurate....but all relationships will differ on what suits them...for instance number 4...i know some woman who do not do those types of things..its out of the question, but as long as its ok with your husband [and yes, some men are ok with it].....and i personally dont agree with number 10 [but clearly not everyone will]...both my husband and are loners and feel that friends complicate things [not you adandymess], but my husband is gone months at a time for work, so that is when we get our healthy alone time...but no he honestly doesnt have guy time, he has time at work and time at home.....and number 7, i'm not kidding, i have to remind my husband to brush his teeth... <br />
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i dont think half of that list though would cause one partner to not sleep with the other. i think the reason would go deeper than that...and i also think the reasons would differ between each couple and clearly could not be lumped into a simple list [as girlpower did]...and you atleast took a helpful approach whereas she took an offensive one....

Thanks!...you both made me smile...

I personally do not know what story you are talking about, but I love your ten things. You should write an advice column girl!!

well said frogz...<br />
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and thanks CMR...I dont claim expert...that just represents what I "think" I know...LOL

Lexus, love the update. I agree. Well stated on all counts.

Ok...here is what I would like to do. I have taken those "10 things" and added my personal perspective. I am going to update this story with that addition.<br />
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I would very much enjoy everyones input. Maybe we can all have a respectful discussion of these things and maybe even do some good without the hurtful attacks.

Thanks guys...plus guess what???? I was cute bald...hehee, Hubby and my friends said so.hahaha.<br />
Lexus, thanks for reminding me of the sexy little bandana...the white one with the big bright red lip prints all over it. Rrrrowwww.<br />
Gotta go girls...lol.

And to CMR....I think bandana's are very sexy!!...:)

Not trying to backstab although I see your point...<br />
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I'm first off trying to understand myself here...why does that story and moreso its comments bother me so much. She isnt talking "about me"...yet I am offended.