Trying to Figure It Out...
There is a story here on EP ... a very popular story actually that has been sticking in my craw pretty much since I have been a member here.
I stayed out of it until just the other day when I just couldnt resist.
I have tried asking the author respectfully submitted questions as to where and from what experiences they have based what I feel is such an inflamitory and attacking story.
Those...were simply ignored.
As promised here is my personal take on the "10 things"...I would love to hear others thoughts and opinions....this is an ex
1. You have a short sensible haircut. -> you gave up on taking care of your hair because it's just to hard. Your husband views this as living with another man. Real attractive.
I would say that both husband and wife should have hairstyles that are best for them. Not everyone looks their best with long hair…visa versa.
2. The moment your man comes home you dump all your problems and what's going on at work , home , kids whatever. -> Your man equates this as pure stress. He needs to depressurize before you do all this. And he really doesn't care about all these people he never met or has limited interaction and what's going on with their lives.
Spouses should share with each other their hurts, their joys and everything in between. Care should be given to finding the best times to do this. And yes that isn’t likely the minute he walks in the door. Unless of course the pipes under the kitchen sink just burst and water is flooding the floor…
3. You think he needs to be nice to you all week, do everything without asking him to, romance you...blah blah before you can get physical with him. -> Truth a man just needs for you to say lets go. If you wait for all the stars to align ...well you never have sex.
Men need sex…women need romance and sex. Generalization obviously but pretty accurate one I believe. Gentlemen be loving to your wives…its called foreplay in our hearts. Wives when things get wild and you have been fighting all week. Maybe you both need some fun in the sheets time to reset the game. Find what works for you and yours in the relationship…we are all just a bit different.
4. You will never ever, consider, giving him oral, anal or any other weird perversion.-> Everybody is different, but you should at least see what he wants and try to accommodate otherwise, he will get bored, look at the grass is greener else where. To much media to blame.
Yes I feel both parties should “stretch” and compromise when possible. Within reason…and responsibility to each others feelings. Don’t run with the word stretch people…you know what I mean…LOL
5. Your daily list of things to do is so big and constanly growing. When eas the last time your man appeared on the top of the list, hey when did he appear at all on the list.
I think this is more about priorities than “lists”…I do understand and agree with the theme. The housework will always be there..he may not. My Mom told me that long ago and do believe she is right.
6. You critique his grammar. OK just joking on that one.
No comment needed…
7. You don't take care of yourself
Both spouses should take care of themselves. Hygiene and manners folks.
8. You don't say thank you, often
Everyone should say this more often.. see manners above..:)
9. You don't keep the romance alive When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive.
This very much applies to both spouses… Life has a way of getting the better of us all…finding time for romance is defiantly a challenge but one worth undertaking.
10. You don't let him have "guy time"
Both need separate time…separate interests. If your lives are so intertwined that there ceases to be a you…then there will likely be problems. Its not a matter of two halvess becoming a whole…it’s a matter of two complete individuals joining together as a team.
11. You don't make your husband a priority
See # 5 above…
12. Don't make him guess—tell him what you want It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know.
I agree…making either spouse guess is setting yourself up for disappointment. I would like to add though that we all love surprises. Try on occasion to do something out of the blue…surprise your spouse with a gift or a gesture you think they would enjoy. Surprise is always nice….:)
13. Believe in your husband, and let him know it
Agree!...men also believe in your wives and let them know it.
14. You don't ask for sex
Just being “willing” isn’t always enough. Spouses need to feel that you are attracted to them and that you desire them. Both in a marriage need to pay attention to each other’s love language. If you don’t know what that is…ask them what things make them feel loved.
These are my opinions folks…based on my personal experiences in life. Everyone is different and I am open and interested to hear what works for you…or what doesn’t…J