Friday 25 November 2011 was like any other Friday night at our home..My partner and I were relaxed and and sitting in our patio surrounded by plants, our animals, our love...my son and his friend were inside. It was getting late so I went in and turned our bed back-something I used to do on week end nights. We decided to have a light dinner before bed so I was making prawn cocktails for us. My man laid down on the lounge and we bantered back and forwards while I was in the kitchen..I went and kissed him then went back to preparing dinner. Moments later he walked out of our house and I thought to the back garden...I took our tea to the outside table and heard a noise in our shed-by the time I went in it was too late to help him!!
The sadness, horror, confusion, grief, disbelief were absolute that night for my son and I...and still I cannot believe my darling would do that to himself!?? I am lonely and forever sad...I just donot understand why?? I wish he would have held on for just 5 more minutes and Im sure the feeling would have passed. My son thinks there is a 'force' that told him to do this terrible thing to himself as he seemed happy and content. My guilt is profound..I should have picked up his deep sadness, his state of mind that night!! I have talked to lifeline etc and found them to b no real help. I found this group cruising the net this arvo and hope mayb there are answers here or at least people who know how I am feeling...how his/our friends are feeling so I can help them to deal with my one true love not being here with us anymore x
butterfly46 butterfly46
1 Response May 7, 2012

I'm so sorry.