Widower Looking For A Change

Im turning 50 on June 6 2012 and with that ive been a widower now for going on 10 years.Lets rewind,shall we.I lost my wife to primary breast and secondary liver cancer when she was 37.two weeks before her 38th birthday.Our sons were 5 and 21 months old at the time.I ended up leaving my career of 20 years in sales which required me to travel.Because my sons were so young i didnt feel it was fair to them to be raised by someone else while i was travelling so i decided to stay home for at least 3 years.I now work in a new field and my sons are now 15 and 11 and doing very well with whole adjustment.My diliema is that i still miss my wife so terribly that when i get into a new relationship all is great and then i wake up almost feeling guilty.Im also a bit of an old fashioned thinker where i my views on sex before marriage have changed.Meaning that  before after my wife died i was having sex with every woman i was seeing.Now this part makesme feel guilty.I have been in a relationship now for 4-1/2 years now but now i feel that im trapped because im feeling that my relationship on her part is more physical and im having difficulty wanting to have sex with her because of the change in my views on the subject.Im trying to set a better example for my children because i dont want them to live that kind of lifestyle that ive been living,its just not healthy in my view.I feel like im weird or indifferent or am i the only one that feels like this in this world.Im also feeling a change in my heart because i feel this is what god wants me to do for him so i can be a better follower.PLEASE HELP,SOOOOOOOOOOOO COMFUSED IN CANADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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26-30
May 10, 2012