I'Ve Always Been Alone

I lost my dad at the age of 7,Later my 3 eldest brothers and my dearest mum followed suit at different times of my adulthood.It was tough.The pain and void left is still with me up to today.Without support and guidance, I and my siblings[2 brothers and 1 sister] were left exposed and vulnerable.As a result,my extended family disinherited,despised,humiliated and rejected us.We were left to survive on our own devices.I got stressed,depressed but did not know the difference until one day i woke up in a hospital bed after having passed out.Nervous breakdown and ulcers was the diagnosis.I became emotionally weak and crying became the easiest thing I could do.Life became bitter and meaningless.I felt as if I had lost everything that mattered and not even medication,inspirational words or strong drink could drown my sorrows.
At 19,I was forced to pick myself up,put my life on hold and take my mother's responsibilities of raising my siblings on my own.The challenge was huge and incomprehensible.Luckily with God's help,I did extremely well and I'm always proud and grateful of what I've achieved on a family level .However,on a personal one it's totally a different case.I feel more empty,more alone and stuck..And nobody seems to understand me.How can I be able to tame this deep negative feelings when everything I try seems not to be working?Believe me,It's a struggle.Thanks for reading.
Cossa Cossa
36-40, F
May 15, 2013