Why Does Their Ignorance Hurt Me?

I’m beginning to reach the point where I want to give up. To be honest, I’ve felt like this for the past few years, but it’s only recently that this feeling’s really started to settle in. I feel let down, and I’m not sure who to trust anymore. I feel like people see me as an object, and don’t realise that I have feelings. I feel like I’ve been walked on for a ridiculously long time, but every time I try to do something about it, people don’t take me seriously. In short, I feel ignored.
I think it really started last year, when I moved away from home to go to university. I wasn’t too ecstatic about my new flat or flatmates, but I tried to get along with them, and, for a short while, we did. But I always seemed to be cleaning up after everyone. I tried to talk to them about it. “Oh, we’ll clean up in the morning. Relax.” But two days later, the mess would still be there – dishes, wine bottles and cigarette butts. I don’t even smoke, and I also tried to convince my flatmates not to smoke in the communal areas, because the smoke irritated my sinuses. Then, even though I told them that I was allergic to rodents, they proceeded to buy a hamster. I re-iterated my allergy problems to my flatmates once I’d found out that they’d bought the hamster, but the general reply was “Oh, you should’ve said something. Well, we can’t return it now.”
            “Can you at least keep it in your room?”
            “Mm, the noise keeps me awake at night.”
So I put up with it. I couldn’t go into certain areas of the flat because of the effects the smoke and animal fur had on me; I made so many ridiculous trips to and from the doctor because I struggled with my breathing (though, on the plus side, I now know the names of quite a few medications…), but one night it got so bad that I could hardly breathe. Then one of my flatmates essentially saved my life and called an ambulance. Whilst I waited two and a half hours in A&E being nebulised, I decided that I had to put my foot down or move. Trying the former, my flatmates disregarded their smoking and the hamster, putting my asthma attack down to the cold climes (which I’ve lived in before without difficulty). I got fed up at this point and anonymously informed the letting agency that there were animals and smokers in the flat. I got a lot of stick for that, and I later realised that my actions were unnecessary – I could have moved out without a word. Instead, I made it awkward for everyone.
When I did move out, I had no real problems with my new flatmates. However, I was planning ahead, to this stage now, when I would need a new flat after summer. I was going to share with two of my friends. Now, I started looking for flats in January; I wanted it out of the way. Since then, I’ve had so many spanners thrown in the works that I’m beginning to think it’s just me. One of my two friends decided to move in with his ex. “Okay,” I said, “we’ll find a two-bedroomed place.” I tried; I found a lot of places. But my other friend didn’t seem interested. She didn’t keep in contact. I tried cornering her one day, and she explained the problems she was having – her grandmother was very ill, her father didn’t want her to move out. But she did. So I still looked around. For about three or four months. Last week, she told me it might be a good idea to look for three-bedroomed places (she’d met someone who was looking for a place. I’d never met the guy, so I began to get annoyed at that point). Today, I was told that I’d probably have to move in with other friends. She had to stay at home. I’d been strung along for months, and, true to form, I’m more annoyed and angry at myself than at her (my sister didn't really help by telling my that I should've sorted things out at Christmas). All I can offer her now is my sympathy, but it makes me feel pathetic. I’ve had problems, too. I’ve been unsure of whether or not my family want to move overseas to the states again. I’ve left them to it. I just hope that I can move in with my friends, but something’s telling me to give up. I should live alone. I get snappy when I’m angry, usually at my family, and I was extremely stressed. But I also flit in and out of depression, sometimes it lasts hours, sometimes days, and I’m never entirely sure why. When someone asks me what’s wrong, I can’t explain it. Then I’ll suddenly feel motivated a few hours later. I’d like to tell them that I need someone to listen to me, but I don’t want that to be mis-interpreted as me being an attention-seeker, and I don’t like to burden people with my problems – I have it done quite regularly to me, and it makes you feel responsible for wrong-doing in the world.
Writing this has made me feel a bit better; I’m aware that things could be much, much worse – my problems are relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. I love my family and friends, but I’d just like to be taken notice of a bit more often.
Abyssopelagic Abyssopelagic
3 Responses Aug 10, 2010

I hope it gets better for you too.I dont see anything you did as wrong,you tried your best to get along with your roommates and they ignored you.They seem to not care about you at all.Smoking and bringing a pet in is there fault and you did your best to live with it but even when you had to go to hospital because of the smoke and pet hair they still wouldnt do anything for you.Why should you have to move,there the ones breaking the rules not you.

I know how you feel y Abyssopelagic, I've felt the same way quite a lot. it's like people don't seem to realize they are ignoring me yet I feel like that, And its hard to complain or talk about it because it sounds too 'little' when said out loud. I felt that way mostly at work. I started working at a new office, as a librarian there. I've had a bad past so I feel like people talk behind my back. And I was certain they do when someone told me that they do. I have few people I talk to since its been over an year now, but still I feel like i dont fit in. Even at college. <br />
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Sometimes it works for me to think, hey maybe I am different. Perhaps in a good way maybe. There will be people who like me. No matter what i am not changing myself to get anyone to notice me, I am happy being me! <br />
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Even if I tell myself that, at times I feel so lonely. Like there is no one who can share anything similar with me....well here we are with similarities. Hey lets be friends :)

I'm glad writing this made you feel better. Sorry you've been treated poorly by many people, I hope this get better for you.