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My Bubble

I've always felt like an outsider because I've always been an outsider. Ever since I was a very young child, I've always been very aware that I'm different from others. I don't think, or interact the way most of the people on this planet interact with one another. My brain functions on a completely different wavelength than most others. It's very hard spending your entire life being blocked off from the rest of the world. That's what it has always felt like. I see others communicating with one another & interacting with one another, & I've always been on the outside.

 

It's as if I was born inside of a giant plastic bubble. The bubble is completely invisible to other people, so they are never able to see that I am stuck inside this bubble & inherently different than them. Some people may be able to see me inside of it, but if they do, they usually ignore me & go on about their business. But some people see me inside of my plastic bubble & come over to me & try to communicate with me & sometimes invite me to accompany them & a bunch of others. They then expect me to operate on their wavelength. They expect me to function on their level. They don't understand that I'm inside of a bubble & it takes a lot for another wavelenght to get through. They don't realize how much of an outsider I am. So, because I don't interact the way they expect me to, & because my brain is not on the same wavelength as theirs & I am not in tune to what they say or do & therefore, can not say or do those same things, myself, I end up coming across badly to them. They take my different way of functioning & communicating & interracting, & my being on a different wavelength as a reason to think that I'm mean, or rude, or worse. The fact is, if they had only seen that big plastic bubble & known when we first met that I was not like them, they would not have expected me to act like them, think like them, & do as they do. But humans aren't like that. They expect all other humans to be basically the same as them & do not understand anything that seems different to them.

 

I have always been & probably will always be, stuck inside this bubble. The bubble keeps me on the outside, never fully letting me experience the world the way that others do. It has always kept me on the outside, & because I was born inside this bubble, & lived inside of it for years, it has become a part of me. I don't know how to get out of it, or even if there is a way. I don't even know if I want out of it because it is my home, though I would love to be able to communicate, interact, & function the way that others do. My true hope is that some day I will find some people whose brain wavelenghts are similar enough to my own that they will be able to penetrate my bubble. It's my only hope of ever finding contentment in this world & of not spending the rest of it completely alone the way that most of it has been thus far.

lyricalongings lyricalongings 31-35, F 3 Responses Apr 13, 2010

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i do now. i know that i need to be myself and be respected by the people who care about who i really am, rather than who i tried to be. though it is a difficult task, i am determined to be accepted for who i am, and have started to reach out. i put forth my likes and dislikes and make my personality known. i show my strengths and do not hide my flaws for they define me. i hope to be accepted soon, but i know not to rush it. i've made a new friend and she accepts me. she is helping me get to know others but its hard. i dont feel comfortable around them because i am shy, but i am getting there. i know this is lonely from experience but if u keep your head up and live like there is no tomarrow, others will see u as an idol who is worth looking up to, :)

Thanks for your comment :) I hope you realize that changing yourself to fit others' perceptions is not the way to go. If others don't like you, exactly as you are, then they aren't worth knowing or being friends with. Living this way is very lonely, but I believe it is better to be lonely & to be yourself, than to pretend to be like other people.

i think i may be in the same boat as u. i have a hard time relating to people and when i express myself, they don't understand at all. they write me off as the different one and exclude me. i often just accept that i will never fit in but it has gotten much harder. i see myself as one who will never belong and try to make myself like others. it is hard for me to grasp being this way but i am trying. i have started to try and be myself rather than what others want me to be. i have stayed inside my shell for so long that i feel it is useless to try to break out. but i am always looking for help. i do hope we can help each other and work together to find more people too.