I've always felt like an outsider because I've always been an outsider. Ever since I was a very young child, I've always been very aware that I'm different from others. I don't think, or interact the way most of the people on this planet interact with one another. My brain functions on a completely different wavelength than most others. It's very hard spending your entire life being blocked off from the rest of the world. That's what it has always felt like. I see others communicating with one another & interacting with one another, & I've always been on the outside.
It's as if I was born inside of a giant plastic bubble. The bubble is completely invisible to other people, so they are never able to see that I am stuck inside this bubble & inherently different than them. Some people may be able to see me inside of it, but if they do, they usually ignore me & go on about their business. But some people see me inside of my plastic bubble & come over to me & try to communicate with me & sometimes invite me to accompany them & a bunch of others. They then expect me to operate on their wavelength. They expect me to function on their level. They don't understand that I'm inside of a bubble & it takes a lot for another wavelenght to get through. They don't realize how much of an outsider I am. So, because I don't interact the way they expect me to, & because my brain is not on the same wavelength as theirs & I am not in tune to what they say or do & therefore, can not say or do those same things, myself, I end up coming across badly to them. They take my different way of functioning & communicating & interracting, & my being on a different wavelength as a reason to think that I'm mean, or rude, or worse. The fact is, if they had only seen that big plastic bubble & known when we first met that I was not like them, they would not have expected me to act like them, think like them, & do as they do. But humans aren't like that. They expect all other humans to be basically the same as them & do not understand anything that seems different to them.
I have always been & probably will always be, stuck inside this bubble. The bubble keeps me on the outside, never fully letting me experience the world the way that others do. It has always kept me on the outside, & because I was born inside this bubble, & lived inside of it for years, it has become a part of me. I don't know how to get out of it, or even if there is a way. I don't even know if I want out of it because it is my home, though I would love to be able to communicate, interact, & function the way that others do. My true hope is that some day I will find some people whose brain wavelenghts are similar enough to my own that they will be able to penetrate my bubble. It's my only hope of ever finding contentment in this world & of not spending the rest of it completely alone the way that most of it has been thus far.