I Feel Alone Constantly

I feel a constant feeling of loneliness i could sit in a room full of people and act as if i am friends with every single one of them but feel no connection. i sit in my room and eat my dinner alone everynight even though my family are down stairs interacting like a family should i have tried to sit with them but i feel a constant feeling of awkwardness and hatred for them for no reason. I have just had an abortion not the best things in the world but that happened months ago. i have had sexual intercourse with many different men just to feel something but its the same nothing, i have had relationships when men have told me they loved me and i have felt not one emotion just nothing. sometimes when im working i imagine sliting my own throat just to feel the warm blood dripping down my chest and how the experience would feel but i know in myself thats nothing but a fantasy. just sometimes i feel like i have no feelings something that no one will ever understand i act socialible and seem a popular person but im the opposite i am alone.
wasteofalife wasteofalife
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 18, 2010

The reason you are feeling like that is because you think their is a void in your life. Remember it is just life and start to live it. Everyone feels like that until they tell themselves different. Love and sex are all in your mind and you have to tell yourself when you are in love or want sex. Their is something you want you just havn't thought of it yet. Maybe you want to see the world but feel trapped where you are at? Maybe there is something you want to do deep down inside with your life but think it is not obtainable? Quit worrying about your feelings with other people and think about what you want and what will make you happy. When you are happy you will have a better opinion of yourself and begin to see life for what it is.

I think that you should have sex only with someone you love. This is probably a reason you don't feel anything is because you should love that person, then the whole expierence will be totally different. Sex without love is completely empty, nothing. This is why you felt nothing. You can feel alone in a room full of people even though you are socializing , I know I have felt the same thing. I think it's because you must be a deep person and are connecting with these people on your level. I don't think you should cut your throat to feel something. You are just sad right now and feel empty????? Do you pray? I think this would help. Try to connect to what you are feeling at any given moment and maybe see a therapist to talk to. This would help too. Good luck. Hang in there.