I Don't Just Feel Alone In This World, I Am All Alone : (

I wish that I did just feel alone, but the truth of it I am all alone. I have 2 brothers and a sister and I try to be friends with them, but it seems that It is "Me" and it is "Them". My Mother passed away in Oct. of 07 I was the one that out of the four of us that stepped up to the plate and moved in with her for a few months to take care of her. The other three pretty much went along as usual with their lives. I myself had just had major surgery for a tumor that I had in my neck but I still was the one that stayed with her, to take care of her.

I did not mind doing it for her but all they did was critized how and what I was doing it my story begins back in Dec. of 03 I am single and lived with my Mother, she became very Ill right after Christmas, I am on Disability I have severe Asthma and I was a very bad winter she had got the Flu that was going around and she ended up in the Hospital after a few weeks it caught up with me and I also got it. We had 3 cats at home and with her already in the Hospital I could not go in as my Doctor wanted me to because I was worried about them being alone, and with her being so sick at this point and in the intensive care unit, I just could not also be in the Hospital. Her Doctor asked me NOT to come in even to see her because of having the flu So I stayed at the House and did what I could by phone talking to her Dr. almost everyday. In the back ground the three of them where planning on kicking out of the house, I do know that in my mothers original will that she stated that if I was living at the house at the time of her death I was allowed to continue living there. When the house was sold then the money would be split 4 ways between all of us. Her prognosis as not good, and her Doctor did not feel that she had a good chance of survival, hence the coupe to get me out of the house. They said I stole off of her and it just was not the truth, I guess it was in their minds a way to justify what they were planning to do. I was going through a very bad time in my life and instead of them being there to help me they ganged up on me and after living there for 40 years they had the police (which I found out later the police had no place in removing me from my home of 40 years) came and made me leave it was the beginning of January and there was about 12 inches of snow on the ground very cold and I was Very Sick. I had NO Money and no where to go I moved into a motel that cost about $70 per night I had enough for one night and borrowed money to stay there for 2 more nights. It was my best friend Rich that found an apartment for me. I will never forget that first night in the motel room I for the first time in weeks felt safe, my brothers and my sister tortured me for those last couple of weeks at my home, I had to lock myself in my bedroom they turned the heat down it was so cold, they took the bathroom out of the house, we only had one bathroom and they tore everything out claiming it was so they could remodel the house for my mother, even though at that point the Doctors did not think she was even going to make it. I would take the cats and My Best Friend Rich would bring me food and I just stayed in my bedroom they had the phone disconnected there was no TV and no bathroom and me with the flu and having asthma I felt like I was going to Die. But I just remember collapsing in that motel room with such relief that they could not hurt or torture me anymore, I was wrong though for the past 4 years they keep finding ways to do things to me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about suicide, but I’m such a weak person, I can’t find it in me to do it. So as you can see I am very alone in this world except for Rich who at one point was my fiancée but now we are just Best friends we have known each other for 25 years now. He has his own life to live I’m grateful for the time we do spend together but I spend most of the time alone.

cornella cornella
3 Responses Jul 14, 2008

I hope things have gotten better for you. I know how you feel. I am on disability also. I am 47 with no kids, or parents. I am glad you have your friend Rich. I often think of suicide because I know I will not be missed; however, I continue to hang in there hoping that something positive will happen in my life. That's what you have to do, hope for something positive. I know it's hard, but just talking to you has make me realize I am not alone, and neither are you, HANG IN THERE!

I know how it feels to be so alone. sometimes I wish people like us could just form some kind of unity and move in together so we can have all the financial and emotional support we need. It's so hard on our own. Please hang in there. Can't be like this forever, even if it feels so.

i know i'm reading this very late. and i hope u are ok. I too am very alone in this world. I have nobody. My mom is still alive and I am living with her. I don't know what i would do if she were to pass. My life would probably be over as well. I understand you completely.